(Closed) Invitations: Both sets of Cousins a must? Plus One?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who's in?
    "Blanket rule": All cousins or no cousins across both sides : (1 votes)
    10 %
    Groom's family and bride's family invite "rules" can be different per side : (9 votes)
    90 %
  • Post # 3
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think it depends. I let my fiance choose whom he would like to invite from his side, and I chose those that I invited from my side. We essentially made the “rules” of who’s invited for our own sides separately. If I hadn’t wanted to invite certain cousins, that would not be dependent or affected by those that he invited.

    However, if you think your mother would be offended, that is something to take into consideration. Is it something she would get over? Something other family members would get over? Is she funding any of the wedding?

    Post # 6
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    If you aren’t close with your extended family, I don’t think you need to invite them. People understand that every family is different.

    Post # 7
    785 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Have you talked it over with your parents yet? They may have a good suggestion for you. Personally, I would rather use my budget on friends that I actually want to be there. If you did invite your cousins though, I would definitely NOT invite any plus 1’s. I haven’t included any plus 1’s for any of my cousins.

    Post # 8
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Every family is different.  FI’s cousin is closer to him and around our age; my cousins are about 15 years older than me and not so close (I see them maybe once a year?).  We invited FI’s cousin but not mine.  I also knew that my cousins would not be able to travel to our destination wedding with their kids etc. though so it made it a bit easier.  I think you should invite based on who you want there, not based on a family title!

    Post # 9
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    Etiquette does not demand a blanket rule. as the hosts you get to set the guest list. 

    If anything I think it is more polite to invite guests that you have a strong relationship with, then to invite someone strictly because of some arbitrary “rule”  Closeness is as valid of a rule as blood relationship.

    Anyone who dares to question my guest list, is being very rude. you don’t have to justify your choices to anyone.

    Post # 10
    1114 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I have a similar issue – all of Mr CL’s cousins will be there because, like your FI’s family, they are all incredibly close.  Mine are spread out across the country and a couple of them I just downright do not like (the last wedding we were at, one was incredibly unpleasant to my brother who was about 10 at the time).  I think I’m going to invite the ones I really want to be there all day, and the others just to the evening do and tell them that numbers are the issue (which is 100% true).  The other thing is all of their kids, but that’s a different issue altogether…

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