(Closed) Invitations: he sounds like an orphan, what’s the protocol for this?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1525 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Actually, we have contributions from both sides, but our invites are worded the same way.

We picked that way because it was “traditional”. No one’s seemed to mind, and I’m pretty sure in our family, someone would be saying something.


ETA: I did watch a “Whose wedding is it anyway” episode where the bride and groom didn’t think to add either set of parents – and his were so offended that they refused to come and pulled all of their financial support. So I’m sure this varies by case and maybe by culture.

Post # 5
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think proper etiquette states that only those paying should be mentioned on the invite.  That being said,

 For my invitations, I just wrote “together with their families” My Name and Fiance name etc. etc. because I didn’t want to deal with all of that crap (my parents are divorced and not paying for all of the wedding and Fiance parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner).  Sometimes they will mention families etc on programs for the ceremony.

Post # 6
5259 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t know, personally, I think both parents (sides) should be mentioned.  I am sure they are both contributing in some way.

Post # 7
798 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@StaceyMay81:  I believe that what they used is traditional wording.  If I saw that, I would think that her parents are hosting so all RSVP’s etc. would be going to them, etc.  You see a lot of different invitation wording these days (Together with their parents, “Son of” etc).  They’ve decided to kick it old school.

I don’t think that it’s so much about MONEY, per say, but is about who is hosting.  Who are the people providing for the comfort of the guests.  So, if your parents did the rehearsal dinner, they would be inviting people and would be the hosts.

If I got this invite in the mail, I would just think that the bride’s parents were hosting the event; not that your brother is an orphan.

Are your parents upset by this?  

ETA: I used both parents names as hosts on my invites because my inlaws paid for the rehearsal, but didn’t want to send out formal invites.  I wanted to make them feel included…but if my parents had wanted only their names, I would have talked to my inlaws first to see if it was going to be a problem.  Perhaps your brother has already talked to your parents?

Post # 8
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think it’s up to the couple and I wouldn’t worry about it. If your brother is happy- that’s all that matters.

Post # 9
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

That’s traditional etiquette. Only the hosts of the wedding (your brother’s FI’s parents) and the engaged couple themselves are identified on the invitations.

Yes, a lot of people are straying from this — heck, my FH and I are paying for our own wedding, but we’re putting both of our parents’ names on the invites — but it’s technically still considered “proper” etiquette to only list those who are contributing money to the wedding.

Post # 10
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Ugh oh.. I didn’t know that was an issue. That is exactly how we’re wording our invites. I just thought that was the traditional wording. And my dad is paying for the wedding. We are putting FI’s parents on the insert for the rehearsal dinner.

I actually sent a wording option to my dad that said “together with their parents” but my dad really wanted his name on the invite.

Post # 12
3605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think putting the grooms parents name on the invite somewhere is a nice way to introduce them to guests that are clueless to their name/who they are but its not expected

Post # 14
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

This is the traditional way to word an invitation with the parents of the bride paying for the wedding.  Our invitations read the same way, except under my groom’s name it said, “Son of Mr. & Mrs. Jeffrey and Kathleen [groom’s last name].

Post # 15
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

This is very traditional wording especially if her parents contributed to the wedding budget. But I think it is always nice to see the other parents names as well. Its like the first introduction to the other family and vise versa. 

Post # 16
2896 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@amw511s: This is what I’m used to as well, listing the Mr. as ‘son of x and y’ so that all parents’ names are included. OP- I wouldn’t think he was an orphan, just that the bride’s family is paying, but I would wonder if the groom’s rents were a bit bummed to not be listed.

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