(Closed) Invitations per household, RSVP per guest

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

As an adult who lived at my parents until I was 24, I always appreciated my own invite, so that’s what I did. I sent four invite s to one house, and they weren’t given a guest option.

Post # 19
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@NYMeetsPA:  the only one I’d put on the same invite is the girl who told you to. I beg you not to do it for your best man or the person over 30.

Post # 20
Member
2530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You can always adjust to your guest’s preferences.

I sent a very ettiquite-y invite to my mom’s aunt, but really it’s a more casual wedding so everyone else got what they got.

Two of FI’s early-20’s cousins who live in the same house and are financially supported by the Bank of Mom & Dad were added to Mom & Dad’s invite without plus ones… can’t say I lost much sleep over it.

My sister got a seperate invitation at my mom’s house (my mom got her own invite) but that’s because she’s my sister! And she sort of hops back and forth between living at mom’s or dad’s. She’s my Maid/Matron of Honor as well, so if she’s grown-up enough to be in our wedding, she’s grown-up enough to get her own invitation.
I actually sent her guest his own invite (per his request), he RSVP’d for himseld and Jaws (the shark), who would like people for the dinner option hahaha

Post # 21
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

First off, ignore the knot, they’re kinda mean over there. In theory, etiquette states that everyone over 18 should get their own invite, however, when I’ve been contacting people for addresses and asking for the address of their children, who live apart, they keep telling me just to send 1 invite to the parents’ house for everybody. Most people I’ve talked to prefer to keep things simple, as somebody said, it’s what makes your guests comfortable.

Post # 22
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

@NYMeetsPA:  Where is the money saving here for you? Is it on the cost of the postage, or on the cost of the invitations themselves?

If it is on the cost of the postage, then you are certainly justified in putting all the invitations into the same outer envelope. The outer envelope is not part of your social correspondence. It is a business document between you and the post-office, designed to get the contents to their destination, where they will be removed from the outer envelope by whomever has the chore of bringing in and opening the mail and throwing the outer envelope into the recycling bin.

If you are saving cost on the invitations themselves, then you have to ask yourself why are you spending on elegant expensive invitations only to cheap out on the appropriate treatment of your guests? A hostess can create a perfectly proper,highly- formal invitation with plain black script on ordinary white letter-paper: expensive embossed die-cut invitation-suites are a luxurious choice. Sending each adult his or her own invitation to his or her own address is a practical choice — it makes sure that each adult gets a copy, can update his or her own social calendar, and ut their copy of the invitation on their own bedroom mirror or inside their agenda or computer case, or wherever they routinely put such things. If your invitations are designed to impress your guests, you do not want to destroy the effect by witholding them from those of your guests who are not householders.

Another way to save costs on invitations, would be to forego the reply cards altogether — although if you do decide to use them then I do recommend one card per person, pre-filled with the person’s name, and one stamped envelope per social unit (that is, the two members of a cohabiting couple can send both cards in one envelope, but each single adult should get a separate envelope. Reply cards are common, but are not proper formal manners — formal manners require each guest to reply in handwriting on their own stationery with their own stamp. Reply cards are touted (by the wedding printers who sell them) as a way to ensure that you actually receive replies since they are “easier” for your guests than doing the right thing. But modern experience of many brides shows that some people will not reply anyway, some will reply by phone or email even though they have a card, and some very few will throw out the card and send you a written response on their own stationery. You can put
“R.s.v.p. at http://www.ourwebsite.net or
to [email protected] or 555-666-1234″
in small print in the lower left corner of your invitation proper, and no reply cards are then needed.

 

 

Post # 23
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

@NYMeetsPA:  And welcome here!

One of the things to be cautious about wedding etiquette websites (or Not-etiquette websites, as the case may be) is that some of them have a group of regular posters, who learned their (not-)etiquette from other posters, who learned it from other posters, all without any of them having a real-world education in manners and etiquette.

Now, at some of those sites, you’ll get a broad spectrum of etiquette advice, and some of it will be good advice and good etiquette, and some of it will be bad advice and bad etiquette. You’ll need to use common sense and maybe a little side research to figure out which you want to use.

On other sites, you’ll get twenty posters all telling you exactly the same thing — but you are still getting only one answer, because the clique behaviour that prevails on the site harasses and drives away anyone who disagrees with the group of regulars. (In fact, the site that you mentioned is known throughout the wedding industry for this kind of behaviour.) As a result on some topics you get good etiquette advice — and you get it from all forty responders with no dissention or other opinions. And on other topics you get bad etiquette advice — and you get it from all forty responders with no dissention or other opinions. Or with a few dissenting opinions, which get another forty near-identical responses slamming them, followed by another forty responses high-fiving one another.

Frankly, I think you get more benefit from having a range of opinions and then doing the follow-up work to determine which is really most proper for your particular circumstances.

Post # 26
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m sending one invitation card per household, given the child (cousin) has +1, mainly I was never formally introduced to their SO.(I only briefly smile and said hi to their SO no more than 2 times in the past 5 years)  Some, I only know they have a gf (just start dating not long ago)but only found out from their mom. So I will stick with one invitation card per household 

 

Post # 27
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

@julies1949:  Quite the snarky remark from someone as seasoned as yourself. There is no “correct” way to fill out the invitations. There is, however, the option to follow traditional etiquette– which is the advice the OP was looking for. 

Post # 28
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

All adults get their own invite. FI’s little brother who is 18 and living with his parents? Gets his own invite (And plus one). My elderly grandmother who just moved in with my aunt and uncle? Gets her own invitation. sure, it’s costing us a few bucks more (about $5/invitation), but to me, inviting an adult on his/her parents’ invitation is akin to giving them the children’s menu at the reception.

Post # 29
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

@NYMeetsPA:  No, vendors do not get an invitation. You can give them a copy of the invitation to help them stay organized: it lets your catereer know when to have the hors d’oevres available, for example. But it can be a photocopy or scan, and they do not need the stamped self-addressed envelope, and you do not mail it but simply hand it to them at one of your pre-planning meetings.

That’s a very striking invitation. I do see how the curlicues in the corners do squeeze any additional information into the middle where you have “reception to follow”, which would be a little difficult if you were to put the reply information there as well.

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