(Closed) Invitations to guests over 18 still living at home….

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I did not follow this rule. I thought it was dumb. So instead I addressed it to the mom and dad and on the inner envelope I put everyones name. I know etiquette says I’m worng but its done now!

Post # 4
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I think I only had 1 guest in this situation, and I sent him his own bc I thought he’d appreciate being treated like an adult who got to RSVP for himself rather than relying on the parents. But maybe if I’d had a whole bunch of them I would have done differently to save on postage/effort!

Post # 5
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I didn’t follow the rule on this one.  It just seemed like a waste of paper and postage.  I doubt any of them even knew there was a rule about that anyway.

Post # 6
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

You should send separate invites for each adult over 18 living in the household, and not write “The Smith Family”… it should be

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
Misses Janet and Jennifer Smith

if Janet and Jennifer are under 18. That’s what you *should* do, but you don’t have to. I sent one invite to an entire family when I thought the “kids” were unlikely to return their rsvps, or separately when I thought they would appreciate being treated like an adult, invited on their own merit. Until I started to run out of invitations again, and then they all had to share. 😉

Post # 7
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Im sending my save the dates next week.

I addressed them all in their own envelope] with it inside however I put them all in a bigger envelope to go to the same address instead of paying for individual posting. And send it care of the parents. That way they acted as a distribution method, as some of our guests lived at home but I wasnt sure which ones!

Post # 8
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would send individual ones. Only because you might want to give a plus one. Or, you might invite those over 18, but not the 12 year old. And, I second the notion of being treated like an adult. I’m 26, have owned my own house for three years and some of my family members still send me mail at my parents. Or, they send one card to my family and include me on it. On the other hand, my dad doesn’t talk to my aunt much, so she sends family cards to my house with my brothers names (20 and 22) on it. I don’t really see it as a waste of postage because if that 18 year old lived in their own place, you wouldn’t send the invite to their parents.

I think if you send one to the parents and the adult child, then send it like:

Mr & Mrs John Smith
Mr Joe Smith (and Guest)
123 Main, etc….

Not “Smith Family” because that might imply more than those three people.

Post # 9
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay

i would send individual ones–one set to the parent(s), and another to the young adult. in the end i guess it doesn’t make a huge difference, but i think what you did for the save the dates was nice.

Post # 10
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

If “over 18” means 19 or 20, there’s probably no great harm in what you propose. But at what age DO you stop “and Family-ing people?

I lived with my dad until he died eleven years ago. We both travelled on business, and we didn’t open each other’s mail even if it did say “Mr Nestor Phipps and Family”. Or even “Miss Aspasia Phipps and Family” — which seemed a bit creepy. “Nestor and Aspasia Phipps” wasn’t all that much better — it made it look like I was married to my father, and “Mr and Miss Nestor Phipps” which one imaginative hostess tried looked pretty wierd too.

Besides, I was a town councillor and post-secondary lecturer at the time, not to mention a successful businesswoman and land-owner. What more does a person have to be treated as an independent adult?

Post # 12
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have had a hard time compromising with my Future Mother-In-Law on this one. 

We decided for the wedding, anyone over 21 (aka “marrying age”) would be allowed to bring a guest.  So for MY family, anyone with kids under 21 will get “Name & Family”, and over 21s will get their own “Name & Guest” invite.

My Future Mother-In-Law is insisting (aka if I do it my way she’ll be majorly pissed off) for her family to put just “Name & Family” even for the parents that have 3 kids in their 30s living at home.  She said it’s traditional “Italian” way of doing things – I want their adult children to understand that they can bring a guest. 

So to compromise I’m doing “Name & Family” for her family, and letting the adult children in person know that if they want to bring a guest they are more than welcome. 

Future Mother-In-Law has it in her head that if I put “Name & Guest” for all the children then I’m just out for money which isn’t the case. 

If I was single and in my 30s I would want to option to bring someone if I was dating someone!

Post # 13
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I did follow this rule, but only because we are having a strict “18+” rule for our guest list. And I hope this will help reduce issues when the actual invites go out and people realize that “little joe bob” isn’t invited. But, if we were inviting everyone, I probably would have foregone this little piece of etiquette and saved a tree and a stamp.

Post # 14
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I’m writing “Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith and family” to cover all dependents living at home, even if they are over 18. The one exception is my cousin who is 26 years old, living at home (always has) but is engaged to marry his fiancee in October. The fiancee is obviously getting her own invitation (she got her own STD too) since she lives in a different city; for the cousin, I’ll probably write “Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith and Mr. Mike Smith” on the invitation. Invitations are too expensive to throw around at everybody. 😉

Save-The-Date Cards were strictly one-per-household for us, by the way! It’s a refrigerator magnet, everyone will see it anyway and no one will remember which names were on the envelope. This is easy for us since we don’t have any households where there is someone who we aren’t inviting who might think they are invited.

Post # 15
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We sent out separate invites to any over 18s at the same address as their parents. It didn’t create that much extra for us though – if we had to have made an extra 10 invites I probably wouldn’t have done it but we only ended up with an extra 3.

Post # 16
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Good question! (I owe you a PM, Nor Cal love!)

I decided to follow this rule where it would actually make someone happy. My female cousins will love getting an invite, but the 20-year-old whom I can’t stand really will not care. Basically, I’m sending the girls their own, and most of the boys I will just include with their parents.

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