(Closed) Invitations to your sibling's wedding

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
3306 posts
Sugar bee

I would attend the ceremony and not the reception. They are being very mean to you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend. Don’t include Future Sister-In-Law in your wedding planning.

Post # 18
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@LyndaButterfly:  given your last comment your Future Sister-In-Law sounds like a real treasure. My opinion is go to support your mother but do explain to your Boyfriend or Best Friend that you are deeply hurt that your brother didnt invite him ect and hope that he understands that your going not because you dont love him but you feel your mother needs you there

Post # 19
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would hate not to get an invite in the mail,just because it is a convenient reference for the date, time, place of the wedding. Not to mention a keepsake. 

I think it is really sad they didn’t include your Boyfriend or Best Friend. If they aren’t sending invites, how would you know if he was or wasn’t included? Were they just waiting for you to ask? that is so weird.

I probably would take the high road and attend anyway, just to avoid a rift and maybe one day they would realize they were wrong. Feel free to leave early though!

Post # 21
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Short and sweet… this is POOR etiquitte on their part. General rule is if you know the SO and they have been a couple for a year or more then they should be invited.

 

Sorry your brother doesnt know this!

Post # 22
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d go to the ceremony but not the reception.  But I wouldn’t travel for it. 

Post # 23
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I tend to agree that or is very rude of them not to invite your bf. 

Post # 24
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

well, you did say it’s a small wedding,so they have to limit it; they probably invite married couples as a unit and engaged couples; if they made you an exeption the other guests may complain, if it’s a smallish wedding I can understand their putting their foot down even if you’re the sister, did you tell your brother you plan to get engaged that may put a different spin on it, they may just want to invite committed couples, it could change things; in my small wedding of 55 only married and engaged couples were invited as a unit, I had to put boundaries to keep it small

Post # 25
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - The Old Field Club

I agree that your brother and Future Sister-In-Law are in the wrong here.  While I think the no invite thing is annoying, that is not the main issue.  The fact that you are in a very serious committed relationship that they are choosing to ignore, despite the fact that your Boyfriend or Best Friend is a part of your family and will soon be in the eyes of the law is extremely hurtful.  I would definitely attempt to talk to them- even if Future Sister-In-Law is present. Just something like:

“I really want to be a part of your special day, but Boyfriend or Best Friend also wants to be there- he will be your family soon, and he doesn’t want to miss out on such an important occasion.  We both feel a little hurt that you don’t feel his presence is important”. 

But I definitely think this deserves a discussion, and I think without confronting the issue you will harbor resentment towards your Future Sister-In-Law and brother, ultimately harming your relationship.  If you confront the issue, you at least have the possibility of nipping it in the bud (maybe there was a misunderstanding somewhere?) and saving your family’s relationship

Post # 27
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@LyndaButterfly:  it is rediculous your Boyfriend or Best Friend is not invited.  Sounds very petty.  By The Way I have been with my Fiance for 16 years now and still say Boyfriend or Best Friend most of the time, just out of habit lol.  We have been engaged for almost 2 years.  I once was not invited to his counsins wedding even though we were together for 4 years and that hurt.  I guess you have a few choices, go with your mum and not say anything (which wouldnt resolve your feelings about this issue), or not go (but this would definitely esculate the situation to the point maybe you wouldnt talk to each other again or for a while), or approach your SIL and nicely ask her that as you have lived together etc you feel your Boyfriend or Best Friend should be invited – and your mum isnt bringing a plus one either so why cant he be invited??, (this could also esculate the situation resulting in you not going if she sticks to it or it may resolve it). Also I agree with you, committed couples dont need a ring, I have known many others to meet, get engaged, married & then divorced in much less time my Fiance and I have been together. 

Post # 28
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This sounds so unreal! I always find it jaw dropping that people act like this. I personally wouldn’t go if they do not invite your SO and i am VERY close with my brother. You have been with your SO for ten years i dont understand where they would have the nerve to not invite him, im assuming you SO is involved in all holidays and very much family. Your brother and Future Sister-In-Law should invite him end of story, dont let them snub your SO, thats very hurtful im sorry you are going through this. 🙁 Keep updated! Hugs

Post # 29
Member
3306 posts
Sugar bee

@LyndaButterfly:  You are being very sweet but since they have no regard to invite your SO, I would get engaged now and not wait any longer. Since they weren’t considerate to you, then why wait to get engaged to be considerate to them? Honestly, while it is a very nice gesture, you wouldn’t be breaking any social rules getting engaged now. Hell, they have another 6 weeks to go. 

Post # 30
Member
10285 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Everyone invited to the wedding gets an invitation, ESPECIALLY the immediate families. When you think about it, they’re more than likely the only ones who will even care about that fancy piece of paper that most other people just throw away.

As for the +1, they’re totally in the wrong and because of that, I wouldn’t even attend the wedding. For starters, you weren’t even technically invited (no invitation=not invited) but beyond that, they totally snubbed your relationship which is a slap in the face. How long has your brother and his fiancee been together? I’d bet that it’s less time than you and your boyfriend. 

It’s very nice of you to let them have their moment in the spotlight but they’re being assholes and assholes don’t deserve any leeway. Don’t put your life on hold for these people. You and your boyfriend more than deserve to move forward in your relationship and you shouldn’t let anyone hold you back. 

ETA: Saw your update. They’ve been together for THREE years and they get to judge your relationship?! I’d laugh in their face. 10 years together trumps 3 any day, regardless of status. 

Post # 31
Member
10285 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

DP

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