Post # 47
@sharonmariep: Thanks for your message! You were asking how my brother’s wedding went. I did go, mostly for my mom but without my BF (SO). As a result of things during the wedding, I basically don’t talk to them anymore They had a slide show and I was cut out of every single picture that showed my brother and I growing up – we are 13 months apart so we were pretty close. Not surprisingly, the bride’s sister was in practically every shot of the bride growing up. My brother also thanked a friend who helped him at his wedding as his “sister” during his speech. He made no mention of me, even though, like I said, we are 13 months apart and I basically raised him from the age of 11. My parents worked a lot growing up and it was pretty much me making sure my brother was fed or didn’t get run over crossing the street.
Yeah, I know, the wedding wasn’t about me, but the accumulation of all things, just didn’t sit with me. They also have over 150 people at the wedding, including co-workers and the bride had only just started that job three months before so there was no reason to not have my BF there.
My brother and his wife have basically cut every single person on his side of the family out of his life. They live one city block away from my mom and they haven’t invited her to see their condo and they have not seen/nor spoken to her in months. I’m two km away and I haven’t seen them since x-mas where they showed up two hours late for dinner (with no excuse) and then promptly left. Other things happened that I’m not going into.
It’s sad because we there is no reason other than his wife to be this way. She has taken away his cell phone so we have no access to him. She also reads his email. We were close before her and we never had a fight or something like that to make it this way. I blame the wife for pulling my brother away from his family but I also blame him for having no back bone.
On a happy note, I am FINALLY engaged! After 10 years! Haha! And am planning my wedding now. NO, I haven’t told my brother and I don’t intend on telling him unless he asks, which I highly doubt will be soon. He and his wife will not be invited to our wedding. I don’t want him there. He is no longer a brother to me. We are actually planning a destination wedding to make sure he won’t be able to come.
Post # 48
nevermind didn’t see your update, good for you for standing up for yourself and your relationship!
Post # 49
@LyndaButterfly: you handled this exactly as I would have. Congratulations on your engagement. Best wishes to you!
Post # 50
I would absolutely NOT go. Who are they to judge your 10 year relationship as “unsatisfactory”??? WTF. no.
Post # 51
@MrsMittansJohnson: Their BS argument to get around my BF of 10 years not being there was to say only engaged and married people. I think they wanted to make it clear that they (my brother’s wife – I refuse to call her SIL) didn’t consider me as family anymore and they didn’t want anyonr questioning me. Their wedding photographer even yelled at me twice saying, “family only!” when I asked to have a picture with the bride and groom because my mom wanted one of us. Nope didn’t get one!
That whole plus 1 thing that some people say drives me bananas for this very reason. Just because we had not got married yet does not make my 10 year relationship any less special. Everyone has their own circumstances. sorry, that’s vent for the day!
Post # 52
@LyndaButterfly: Congrats on your engagemetn and I am sorry about the situation with your brother. I would do the exact same thing though. Best wishes!
Post # 53
@LyndaButterfly: I would be hurt too.
ETA: I just read you update. I can’t believe they did this to you and your family. It seems like your SIL has something against you
Post # 54
@LyndaButterfly: This is absolutely ridiculous. I could look past the lack of material invitation, but to not invite your SO of TEN years?! Unacceptable.
Post # 55
@LyndaButterfly: Just read your update.. it sounds like your brother’s wife is C.R.A.Z.Y. Hopefully your brother will come to his senses!
Congratulations on the engagement!!!
Post # 56
Am I the only one who kind of thought the OP was overreacting? Her brother said he was only inviting married couples to keep the ceremony short. She was not married, not even engaged. Sure, etiquette probably says her BF should have been invited, but then they probably felt like they weren’t sticking to the rule they’d set to keep the guest list short. It would be the same thing if her brother said no kids at the wedding, but she wanted to bring her kid.
Anyway, had it been my family, I wouldn’t have made such a big thing out of it. in OP’s original post she said she would not be inviting the SIL to her wedding – I think that’s a lot worse than discluding a boyfriend. And now the family is no longer family… just seems silly to me. And who’s to say this is all the SIL fault? It could very well have been her brother who decided not to include her in the slideshow since she’d basically cut off all ties with him.
Just my opinion.
Post # 57
@MissKit: I cut ties with my brother after his wedding due to various things he and his wife did during and after the wedding to both me and my brother that I’m not getting into here. I tried hard to be happy for them. His wife, before the wedding, basically made it that I could have no contact with my brother (she refused to give me his phone number and address). I’m not some crazy person. All communication had to go through her. Personally I think it’s because her last ex cheated on her and her father had a second family secretly while still married to her mother! I think she had control and insecurity issues.
Finally, I don’t think it’s over reacting to have one’s sibligs’s significant other of 10 years not to have an invite. We have been together for longer than some people stay married! And no, this is not some high school romance, we met in our mid-20s. Who are people to judge why someone is or is not married. Quite frankly, I live in a big city where many people my age (mid 30s) chose not to get married.
Post # 58
@LyndaButterfly: Your brother is running high on bullshit. Not to invite you AND your boyfriend is IG-NOR-RANT! What an ass.
Post # 59
@LyndaButterfly: Wow, that is really hurful. I gave each of my sisters their own invitations although I don’t need their RSVP. They loved it and will keep them as a keepsake.
I’m sorry to hear that your brother is being really rude. 🙁 I hope he will come to his senses!
Post # 60
@MissKit: I don’t think she over reacted at all. Not even in her original post. Some people don’t believe in getting married and have been together for 20+ years. Should you always exclude them as a couple because they might never marry? And it wasn’t a small wedding, they had 150 ppl and she invited co-workers of 3 months. My brother has a new gf every year. I was having a 30 ppl wedding and even though his new gf was only a freshly new relationship, I decided to include her in the invite in the end because I can make an expection for my siblings only. I think her brother and SIL were being ridiculous. Rules or not, that’s his sister and shouldn’t have singled her out like that.
I support you 100% on your decision. I’m kinda bias because I cut my mom and brother out of my life. So I understand the feeling. When I was planning my wedding, I was going to include my brother’s NEW gf. So I think it’s BS that they didn’t invite your now Fiance. (Congrats! :D) And that he didn’t acknowledge you at all before, during and after the wedding. Because of my falling out with my mom, I canceled my wedding and we are just eloping with absolutely no guest. I blocked my mom and brother from contacting me at all.
Hopefully in the future can be resolved aget have a better relationship with our families. But for now, I say live your life and don’t include them. They don’t deserve to be apart of your happy times in life, like your wedding. Let them come to you. You put your differences aside and went to his wedding and he still didnt appreciate that. So F’ them for treating you and your mom like the way they have.
Post # 61
I totally support the OP in her choices, and her feelings should be validated throughout this hurtful situation.
OP – you’re a better person than me! I would have been inclined to send a medical skeleton spine or a framed picture of a set of balls to my brother as a wedding gift, and it would NOT have been anonymous either! I really hope that he realizes that while he might have chosen her as his wife (for however long that marriage might last; sorry, just doesn’t sound healthy IMO), you and his mother are family who generally can always be counted on for support. His loss until he regains his senses (if ever), and he should be praying that he can be forgiven.