(Closed) Invitations to your sibling's wedding

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
Member
9154 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@LyndaButterfly:  wow, that is rude and terrible of your brother.

10 years, the intention of getting married and he can’t include your boyfriend.

i would decline the non-invitation.

 

Post # 63
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@MissKit:  I guess I’m just as mean. I do think she overreacted a bunch and I can think of all kinds of reasons things in the wedding went the way they did, but to decide that he’s no longer your brother? Yeah, that’s reserved for him killing your parents.

If they were only inviting married couples, then no, the BOYFRIEND doesn’t count and I don’t care how long they’ve been your boyfriend. Together 10 years just means they’ve been pacified 10 years, but they have no right to force their “relationship” down anyone else’s throat. He’s not a spouse. Period. Having no money to get married is an excuse for THEM, but I’m sure they’ve had enough money to run to a courthouse 100 times over in 10 years. They just haven’t wanted to and that’s not brother or his wife’s problem.

Sorry.

Post # 64
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think the OP overreacted.  They lied about the size of the party and the attendees and then purposefully cut the groom’s family out of the entire celebration.  Lame.

I think OP is in the right for not wanting anything to do with her brother or his new wife.

Post # 65
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@DJones69:  Marriage is not for everyone. Even if they weren’t planning on getting married does that mean they should always be invited separately to every event that’s only married couples? How is that fair to people who don’t believe in marriage? Married or not, that does not determine their relationship status of how serious of a couple they are. And it’s up to them how they want to get married and when. They shouldn’t have to run to the courthouse to get married, just to be invited to a wedding as a couple. 

Post # 66
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@Silly_love:  Marriage may not be for everyone, but it apparently IS for them because she’s engaged and whether it is for that specific person or not, in my 40 years on this earth, I’ve learned that you can’t force people to think a certain way. In my family, boyfriends and girlfriends are just that until they’re spouses. If you want to be treated like family, then become family. For us, it’s just as simple as that. This younger generation for some reason thinks that everyone has to accept everything they do and that can’t be further from the truth. Just because it’s ok for you doesn’t make it ok for everyone, and ultimately, THEY are paying for the wedding and making the rules. Her option is to stay home.

Post # 67
Member
3256 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@LyndaButterfly:  You should both be formally invited, by an invitation.  This really is absurd.  Not giving you an invitation is weird, but I wouldn’t call it offensive, just chalk it up to looking at things differently than I do.  However, not inviting your artner of ten years because you aren’t married is insulting, and implies a judgement that your relationship is invalid.  A rule like married couples only is often broken for immediate family members.  I would explainthou feel that it is rude, and disrespectful to your bf to invalidate your relationship in this way, and that you are very hurt by this.  Leave the door open for them to extend him an invitation, but if they reallIndia in their heels aboutether future brother in law, Iwould simply sh you would be delighted to attend together, but will be unable to attend by yourself, out of respect to your future husband.

Post # 68
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@LyndaButterfly:  please don’t apologize for venting, I would be too!!! THAT IS INSANE!!!

Post # 70
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 1996

I’m so very sorry that you are even in this predicament.  Your brother (and soon to be SIL) is putting you in a tough spot to basically choose between him or your boyfriend.  I could understand if this was a boyfriend of only a short-time, but 10 years – and you are 33 years old.  I would not be going unless he is invited.  After 10 years I would say you are a package deal.  I hope that you and your brother can work through this and maintain a healthy relationship.  Good luck!!

Post # 71
Member
6526 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@LyndaButterfly:  I get that weddings are expensive and not wanting to invite everyone with a guest. BUT, and that is a big BUT….YOU are his sister and have been with your boyfriend not 1 month, or a year, or 2…but 10 years, TEN…a decade..they are very rude. And like other bees have said, I would go to the ceremony WITH YOUR SO of 10 years, and that is all. And like another bee said, when it is time for your wedding, you be the bigger person, send them an actual invite, and show them proper etiquette. 

I am really sorry, I would be extremely hurt if my sister did this to me. And I would be kinda hurt that the Future Sister-In-Law didn’t include you. I have two FSIL’s. One of which is in the my Bridal Party. The second one was in the Wedding Party but she got pregnant and no longer fits in the dress and she backed out. (No hard feelings, being that she had a previous miscarriage, I wanted her to be stress free). But we also have the Future Sister-In-Law who is pregnant, her two kids are the Flower Girl and RB! I just feel that if you Fiance has sisters, and you have a good relationship with them that it is common courtesy to include them in your Wedding Party. But that is just my opinion

Post # 72
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Just go and suck it up. Be there for your mum, who will be alone. It’s rude what they are doing, but probably not worth causing a big falling out over. 

When it’s your wedding, you can sit them at the kids table to get them back. Tee hee!

Post # 73
Member
4768 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LyndaButterfly:  wow you were far nicer to your bro then I would have been.  150 people?  If I had gone, which I wouldn’t have, I would have brought my SO anyway, but that’s me. 

Your bro seems to be ina seriously controling relationship, but that’s his problem.

Congrats on the engagement and happy planing.

Post # 74
Member
5894 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@LyndaButterfly:  It is such idiotic BULL when people do this!  Why oh WHY do people seem to think it’s ok to say no +1 if you aren’t married when you are clearly in a serious committed relationship?  It so aweful.

But you should still go.  It’s your brother.  Suck it up and be the bigger person.

And when it comes to your wedding, invite your SIL.  Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Post # 75
Hostess
7556 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Wow, I’m sorry to hear what happened with your brother, OP. I’m glad things are going well for you now though. Best wishes! 

Post # 76
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

The invitation thing wouldn’t bother me (I don’t remember getting in invitation to his sister’s wedding or to the wedding I was a bridesmaid in because it was obvious that I was invited and knew the place and time), but snubbing your boyfriend does. I mean, seriously! You’ve been dating for 10 years, not 10 weeks!

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 years. If a distant family member that I’d BARELY met invited just him to their wedding, I’d probably understand. But for his own brother or sister to do that… I’d be hurt and confused.

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