(Closed) Invitations went out 3 days ago and RSVP’s are starting to come in but…

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
583 posts
Busy bee

Wow, 8 guests seems outrageous. I have a couple of cousins who decided their babies are invited, but your problem is much worse. I don’t know if there’s a tactful way to let people know that they can’t bring additional guests at this point, honestly they should have paid attention to the invitation in the first place. Is there a wedding web site that you could clear this up on? It might not work for everyone, but I bet some people would read it and repent.

Post # 17
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I can so relate! I live in Italy, and Fiance is Italian, and here, the etiquette rule is that if you invite people, automatically EVERYONE who lives in the household is invited. Since Italians live with their parents until they’re 40 (in some cases this in not an exagerration!) I have a couple, who are bringing their GROWN-UP children (plus–of course– their children’s boyfriends or girlfriends. This is how 2 becomes 6 or 8…. nightmare!! I don’t even know these people let alone thier daughters’ boyfriends!!! And the worst part of it is we are trying to have a small 80 person wedding! I didnt even invite any cousins!!!!

(Sorry to vent on your post! Good luck and definitely call to say only the people who’s names are on the envelope were invited!)

Post # 18
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Yes, you need to call these guests ASAP…!!!

Post # 19
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Wow, etiquette is really dying a painful death! I am amazed that anyone would add guests to their invite, especially so many! So sorry you have to deal with this problem! Is there anyone who could do the calling on your behalf? If you have a wedding website you might want to clarify that sorry only those to whom the invitations are addressed are included.

Post # 20
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Forget budget constraints, tell them that you invited your good friends and family, as much as you would love for everyone to attend, you’d rather share this time with those you are closest with.

Post # 21
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

you poor thing! get off the WeddingBee boards and start calling these freaks NOW before you really have a big problem on your hands!let us know how it goes!

Post # 22
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Girl, I feel you.

I’ve been having the same thing happen too. It’s SO frustrating. Being a bride has made me realize SO many things. One of those being that people have no wedding etiquette. 

So, how I started dealing with this was; I would get their response back and either email, call, text, or facebook (whatever YOU are most comfortable with – screw trying to be classy about it- they were not classy to put you in that position in the first place). 

I would write them and say that ‘unfortunately, I have only reserved “X” number of seats for them or their party, and as much as I wish everyone could join they just cant because we have already given our seat number to the caterer. Most people were understanding, and apolgized for assuming they could just bring guests. I still anticipate some will bring additional people anyway…but there is only so much you can do.

I started to think that you should be able to have this conversation with your guests because if they are close enough to you or your groom to come to your wedding you should be able to talk to them about something like this.

Its probably the most frustrating thing I’ve dealt with in my planning. And what makes me most mad about it, is that guests should NOT be putting you in that position, it’s very inconsiderate even if they dont mean to be imposing. 

Advice: Stick to your guns, dont budge. And if they are that offended about it, they dont have to come. 

Post # 23
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m confused.. Did you PERSONALLY write in how many people were attending or let them fill it out? We’re preparing our invites now and I’m wondering if this will eliminate confusion:

 

M___________

___ of 4 attend with pleasure   ___ decline with regret

And the #4 would be blank when we print, but we’ll hand-write in the number depending on how many ppl in each party.

Post # 24
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

View original reply
@retroindigo: We did the same thing, the invites go out this week. I hope it works

Post # 25
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

our invites are the same as yours, not out yet… I have been worried about this from the start. I bet we’ll have problems with my fiance’s side, then they’ll just be like “oh, we’ll pay for them! on top of the other extra people we invited!” Yeah… NO!

Definitely call, got to do it right away!

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