(Closed) invite .. don’t invite?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: So do we invite her and new Fi to our wedding?
    Invite her and new FI, after all you already sent a save the date so now you have to. : (24 votes)
    48 %
    don't invite them, they obviously are not inviting you to theirs. : (3 votes)
    6 %
    invite them in doesnt matter if they invite you or not to theirs, theirs could be family only : (17 votes)
    34 %
    wait it out a bit and then decide : (6 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7152 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Despite the situation, you usually send invites to everyone that got a Save the Date.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1067 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I would say that since you sent the std you should send the invite. Maybe she is having a smaller wedding with only family? Anyway you can find out?

    Post # 6
    Member
    928 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I mean, it would irk me a little to invite her to yours and then not be invited to hers but whatever, that’s besides the point. I dont know that I would have sent her a STD to begin with, the situation just seems a little iffy to me and it seems like yall werent that close to her, just the deceased friend. Yea, etiquette would say to send her an invite since she got a STD but personally, I think it’s completely up to yall. Youre not that close to her so its not like you might be risking a friendship by uninviting her. I personally dont know that I would invite her but thats just me…

    Talk it over with your Fiance and see if yall can come up with something. I would quick, though, because your wedding is in June and you need to get the invites out soon. Good luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    2463 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    i would invite them since you already sent the invites, but i’d also kind of assume that they’re having a small wedding–it sounds like her first husband passed away fairly recently, and if it’s that awkward with you guys, it’s probably awkward with other people as well. i mean, maybe i’m wrong, but if her new fi was good friends with her husband, i’m assuming other people besides your fi find it awkward…

    Post # 9
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    Send her an invite.  We all see the difficulties people have with their guest lists here- low budgets, space restrictions, tons of obligation invites pushing out the people the couple really wants there… there could be any number of reasons why she didn’t invite you two.  Plus, as a recent widow, she’s probably having a smaller, more subdued wedding anyway.  There’s no reason to interpret this as an insult when there are a thousand innocent reasons why she may not have invited you.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1510 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    If you sent a STD, then you must invite them.

    Also, I have had two friends who were windows and remarried.  Both of them had very small weddings.  One actually had a destination wedding for just the two of them.  They hired an amazing photographer, but it was just the two of them.  She said she didn’t feel right having another large wedding.  Just because she is sending out invitations, doesn’t mean it is going to be a big affair.  It most likely will be a VERY small wedding. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    Invites shouldn’t be a tit for tat kind of a thing.  People should be invited to your wedding based on how many you can afford to have and who you want in attendance.  Clearly you already made the decision that you wanted to invite her and you sent her a save the date.  Just because you didn’t get an invite to hers does not mean you need to rescind your invite to her–you don’t know her situation.  She may be on a very limited budget, or he may have  HUGE family taking up most of the guest list.  You could be very high up on her B list of people she’d love to invite but just doesn’t have room for at the moment.  She might send you an invite as soon as she starts getting some no’s.  Just keep doing what you’re doing and try not to take whatever she’s doing personally–it’s hard to know what goes into the planning of another person’s wedding.

    Post # 13
    Member
    60 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Are you sure she has sent her invites? Just becasue they are sealed and ready to be sent out doesn’t mean that actually have been.

    I would take the high road and invite them. As others have said, maybe they are having a small wedding. Is your Fiance close to the new FI? Maybe the new-FI feels awkward having some of the deceased friend’s friends present… (does that make sense?) 

    Post # 15
    Member
    647 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I don’t think it should matter that they invited you to their wedding or not.  You generally don’t invite people to your wedding just because they invited you to theirs.  You already sent her a save the date, I say she gets an invite too 🙂

    Post # 16
    Hostess
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I am sorry that the situation has changed to make things so uncomfortable. Unfortuately, I think you need to still invite her/them. It would be a bigger faux pas on your part to not send an invite after having sent a save-the-date.

    But don’t worry. You won’t even notice them there on your day!

    The topic ‘invite .. don’t invite?’ is closed to new replies.

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