(Closed) Invite drama

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 46
160 posts
Blushing bee

Also want to add that everyone has the right to decide who and who isn’t invite to their wedding and whether they get a plus one or not depending on their budget and personal preferences.

But that said, personally it is my stance that the only truly appropriate thing to do is to give everyone the option of a plus one barring a small intimate family-focused destination wedding. My SO and I won’t accept any invitations to weddings that don’t include the other and those that issue them will not be invited to ours at all because they clearly are not close enough friends to have judged our relationship not “serious” enough. While we would never say anything to the bride or groom about this I find these types of invitations insulting.

Yes that means that there will likely be people at our wedding who I do not know and who will not last in our lives. We also will not be able to invite absolutely everyone that we would if we had unlimited space and budget. That’s life. These friends and family are people we supposedly love and respect since we want them at our wedding. They are spending time and money and giving us gifts to celebrate our commitment. IMO they deserve the courtesy of bringing a guest if that is what they want to do. It is a courtesy that everyone appreciates and one I really do not feel I can compromise on for risk of insulting my friends and family.

To each their own. Money is always a practical constraint.

Post # 47
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

While I do think if the bride and groom are paying for the wedding themselves, they should be able to invite who ever the want or don’t want at their wedding. Now, with that said, I think not allowing people to bring their significant others as a date is rude. It shouldn’t matter how long they have been dating or not, I think everyone should know that if you invite someone, you should extend and invite to a plus 1. That’s MY opinion though. Others have differing views. 

Post # 48
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Personally I think all adults should have the courtesy of a plus one, without judgment of  how long they’ve been with someone/ how serious they are.

I know the vast majority of us don’t have limitless wedding budgets, however if OP chose to invite less people/ leave off friends or plus ones etc so you can afford your ‘wedding vision’, then I think you have to stand by this choice and realize not everyone’s going to be happy about it. 

However, I’m not also not much of a fan of the passive-aggressive way OP’s cousin dealt with it. He can’t have it both ways, he’s either a kid or an adult. If he’s an adult in an adult relationship that he wants recognized, he should have realized the invitation was for him only and either politely declined, attended solo, or at least have the direct approach to ask OP about including his girlfriend. He can’t act like a kid “hey did my mom let you know” while expecting to be treated as an adult. And I think purchasing (or claiming to have already purchased) plane tickets without consulting OP first was either presumptuous or destined to put her on the spot. 

Post # 50
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
junebride026 :  But the OP said they were not together when the STD’s were sent out, and she was not aware of the relationship until he invited her without asking. While I agree that this woman is his SO now, she was not then. So what happens if they started dating 2 weeks before the wedding? What about one day before the wedding, when a head count is already turned in? You have to draw the line somewhere, and for OP it was the status at the time the invitations were addressed. 

And for the topic of every guest getting a plus one, for some that is just not an option. I have a HUGE family and had a maximum capacity at the venue to work with. I was not about to cut one cousin or family member so that another cousin could bring his date. I worked with the capacity that I had, and unfortunately that meant that all relationships would be honored but truly single people were not given a plus one. And I am sure if I asked those single friends and family memebers, they would have preferred to attend alone rather than being cut completely and just not invited so that someone elses random ‘tinder date’ could take their place. 

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