(Closed) Invite Drama

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

No, I don’t think it would be terrible to not send them a save-the-date, but I do think it would be terrible if you didn’t sendt them an invite because you already told them you were inviting them.

Post # 4
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If you already mentioned that they are invited, then you are obligated to send them one.

Post # 5
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree – you really should invite them.

Post # 6
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Agreed: you verbally invited them so now they should each receive an invite.

If you really can not afford to have them, and they are close enough friends to understand that it’s a budget issue, you could consider inviting them only for drinks and dancing instead of dinner.  They would have to be a very good friend who truly understands your situation in order for this to work without them feeling slighted.

Post # 7
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Could you put them on B list and send them an invite if you get enough No’s? I would explain your budget restrictions and apologize if you couldn’t have them. I would skip sending them the STD in the mean time just in case. 

Post # 8
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think if you are close to the people and can explain that would be good. If you do get no’s and can invite them later on down the line that would probably also be nice.

I had a sticky situation when I sent out my own invites with a major personality conflict between my photographer and an university friend (who used to date). I ultimately had to not invite the university friend so that my photographer (who was doing it as a favour) would feel more at ease.

I had already verbally invited him and sent an email for his address. I talked about it with mutual friends and they thought I’d be better to not send an invite and not say anything, which is what I did. He hasn’t brought it up and I think he understood. So it is unfortunate when it happens, but not the end of the world. Good friends will understand.

Post # 9
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

It’s not the best of solutions, but I would:

-do not send Save-The-Date Cards. Everyone who gets an STD you MUST invite, but you can still invite people who didn’t receive Save-The-Date Cards.

-craft a “b-list” and try to feret out who’s coming and not coming as best you can.

-send your invitations out a couple weeks earlier than normal. This will give you a little extra buffer so that when “nos” start coming in, you can immediately send an invite to people on the b-list. However, you have to stop taking people off the b-list really when you’re less than about a month out from the events. There are two schools of thought on B-lists–tell them, or don’t tell. I think it depends on your relationship with the person, which is your call.

One more thing to consider: are you inviting people with +1s? It’s up to you, but we decided we’d rather have people we’re friends with at the wedding than strangers who happen to be connected to people we know. And your friends are different than mine, probably, but mine are actually relieved that they don’t have to run around looking for a date. Just a thought on possibly scrounging a few extra place settings.

Post # 10
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

This happened to us for the Rehearsal Dinner. My in-laws were hosting it, but Darling Husband and I were funding part of it and we had all decided to keep it as small as possible, wedding party & spouse’s only. Well, during all the wedding chaos, none of us thought to communicate this to my Mom who verbally invited ALL of our Out of Town family without asking us first!!! These were not people who were flying in the night before, they all live within driving distance and would have driven in that day since our ceremony wasn’t until 5:00pm. So eventually, my Mom told me that so and so hadn’t gotten the Rehearsal Dinner invitation and where was it? I FREAKED out since we had only budgeted for so many people AND the room had a seating capacity we were almost maxing out! But I decided that it would be worse to make these innocent guests feel unwelcome or awkward, so I just told her to STOP INVITING PEOPLE and we would send invites to the people she had already invited. Most didn’t end up coming (thank GOD), but there were a few that we were able to squeeze in, and it worked out.

So long story short, I think you should STOP talking about your wedding to people who you don’t know if you will be able to invite, but plan on inviting these particular friends for etiquettes sake. You don’t have to send a STD, you can decide to only do that for wedding party and family if you want, but put them on the for-sure invite list. I nkow it’s a pain and you may go over budget, but in the grande scheme of things it will be worth it, trust me!

Post # 11
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think it would be rude to not invite them after tellin them they would be invited.

Post # 12
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you should definitely try to invite them. Are there other people currently on your guest list that could be cut or put on the B list? Also, many more people may not show than you are expecting.

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