(Closed) Invite envelope etiquette??

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

List them both.

Post # 5
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

In the most formal setting, it would be Mr. and Mrs. (husband’s first name) Smith.

If the wife is really the one who’s your friend, and/or you know she’d prefer to have her actual name on the invite, I’d address it as Mr. and Mrs. (husband’s name) and Jane Smith.

For future reference, it is NEVER appropriate to list someone’s spouse as "and guest." And again, technically one should never write "and guest," but rather make an effort to find out the name of the guest ahead of time and write it in. I’d suggest doing this with anyone you know to be in a relationship, to avoid cries of "I can’t believe you don’t want me to bring my fiance specifically!"

Post # 8
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

AMEN Tanya!  I can’t stand "and guest"!

Post # 9
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Depending on the level of formality you are going for, you can use first names on the envelopes.  My parents didn’t want to be Mr. and Mrs. HisName LastName on the invitation – they are just HerName and HisName Lastname.  So in keeping with that level of formality, we are addressing our envelopes Jane and John Smith.  I started out with the more formal form of address, but we didn’t like it either – and of course since we used our parents’ first names on the invitation how much sense does it make to be so much more formal on the envelopes?

With the exception of the pastor, because of his title – he and his wife are The Reverend James Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith.

And I agree that "and Guest" is not desirable.  Certainly you wouldn’t use it for a spouse or fiance!  We have actually contacted all our single guests to ask whom (if anyone) they would like to have included on the invitation as their date.  We are then including them by name, or inviting the person alone, if they indicate they will not be bringing a date.

Post # 10
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Ok, I am probably guilty of using "and guest" too much.    I only know of one couple that is actually engaged and I put the names seperate.  Oh, well.  I guess they will have to get over it.

Post # 11
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

@Candi – I think that if you’re really just inviting your guest to bring a friend or date if they want, and you don’t have any particular idea of who that friend or date would be, then "and Guest" is not wildly inappropriate.  If you’re actually inviting your friend and her SO, particularly if you’ve met the SO, then its much more polite to include that person’s name.  I’ve never actually been *offended* by the use of "and Guest," although sometimes I did wonder why I was considering going to someone’s wedding if they couldn’t be bothered to either remember or write down the name of someone I’d been living with for 4 years.

Post # 12
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

My cousin invited my then fiance to her wedding as "+ guest".  She went to our engagement party 4 months before the invite went out.  No biggie, but it was strange.  She also incorrectly addressed me as "Mrs" so whatevah.

Neither our invitations nor our party will be formal, and all of our Save the Dates went out to HisName and HerName with no honorifics. My mom wasn’t a fan, but I hate Mr and Mrs John Smith and it’s our party (we’re paying) so Jane and John Smith it is.

Post # 13
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I agree with the consenus above and used Jane and John Smith on all the invites, as I feel the woman should be recognized…she has a name, too!

I know there’s formal etiquette that says you’re supposed to use Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, but really…how many formal events do you get invitations to?  Does anyone really pull out the etiquette book to see if it’s addressed properly?

So go with what you’re comfortable with.  I agree that you should make an effort to get first names to those guests who are married, engaged, living with, or has a long-term SO.  Only list "and guest" if it’s a single person that you are allowing to bring a guest, and you truly don’t know who they’d bring.

 

Post # 14
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2008

So if it is a married couple on the invite does the woman’s name go first?

Post # 15
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

That one is hard to track down.  For a married couple who has different last names, the woman’s name definately comes first, according to all the sites:

Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe

So, on that model, I am doing all mine with the woman’s name first even when they have the same last name:

Jane and John Doe

I think I remember reading somewhere that the woman’s name comes first because traditionally she is the social secretary; also I have read that the man’s name comes last because you don’t separate his first and last name.

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