(Closed) Invite Fiance’s Ex?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@CO_Babe: I don’t’ think exes of any sort belong at a wedding or actually in the lives of their past love interests that have moved on to committed relationships. 

You have nothing to feel guilty about.  Your Fiance did the right thing distancing himself from this relationship and I don’t see anything positive about opening a can of worms for your wedding. 

Post # 4
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have a firm “No people you have sex with are your friends” rule. TO quote say anything “Everything has changed, Lloyd, you’ve had sex. You could be seventy years old, walking down the street, talking about whatever, but what you’ll really be thinking is, “We Had Sex.”

Post # 4
Hostess
16215 posts
Honey Beekeeper

How will you feel if you see her at the wedding? If you’d feel any kind of upset or have bad feelings come back, please don’t invite her. And please tell your Fiance that while you understand that mutual friends are invited, you don’t want to have to remember any of those bad feelings on your wedding day.

Post # 5
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I completely agree with the pp. Your Fiance obviously saw the need to distance himself from Jane because of his feelings and I wouldn’t want any part of his mind on Jane at the wedding by her being there. Ex’s are exs for a reason and when you start a new, exclusive relationship that distance should be respected. I think your Fiance needs to leave the past in the past regardless of mutual friends he and Jane have. She is still an ex that he had an intimate relationship with and should not be present at your wedding. If Jane is as good of a friend as he thinks she is I would hope she would automatically understand that.

Post # 6
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think she should be invited just because of the way your Fiance acted/had you act when he first wanted to introduce you to her. And they’re not really friends right now, so that’s another reason why I don’t think she should be invited.  If he wants to mend their friendship and you’re okay with that, then it shouldn’t be at your wedding, IMO.

That being said, I don’t think there should be a blanket rule about not inviting exes to wedding.  My ex (my first love actually) will be my Man of Honor when I get married.  We were friends before we started dating back in high school, had an amicable break up, haven’t had any type of physical relationship since we broke up, and we broke up almost 10 years ago.  Safe to say we’re just friends. haha.

Post # 7
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

WHAAAAAT???!!!!!

Absolutely NOT!!!  Not only would not allow this, but he better not even mention her name.. ever again, after that night!!! THE END.. !!!

Post # 8
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Except for really, really special circumstances, I don’t think exes belong at a wedding.  I think you’re absolutely right in not wanting her there, and I would talk to your fiance about how you feel. 

I also completely agree with Boston Bee, who said that if you’re OK with him mending his relationship with her, tell him he’s free to do that.  But your wedding is absolutely not the time or place for that.  It’s about YOU and HIM, and it’s a special day celebrating your love.  In no way should it be about him and her.

Post # 10
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

She absolutely should NOT be at your wedding.  I’m horrified just thinking about it – and I don’t even know you! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with other bees here. NO GOOD can come of having this chicka in your life. Don’t feel bad about putting your foot down on this at all. I have the mindset that ex’s in no way belong at a wedding or in your new lives together. They are ancient history and should be given no thought to. 🙁 

Post # 13
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I agree with PP’s.  It would be different if your Fiance hadn’t acted so strangely before meeting up with Jane again, and then going to all those lengths to remove her from his life.  He did that for a reason; he probably wasn’t completely over her/the hurt, but wanted to be and wants to be with you.

If my Fiance acted this way, I would ask him not to invite her.  If he hadn’t acted that way, then I wouldn’t have seen the big deal in inviting her. But, it makes you feel uncomfortable and that should be the last thought on your mind (My FI’s ex is here…eek!) on your wedding day.

Side note: You sound like a sweet, loving, level-headed person.  I applaud you for handling the situation so gently and open-mindedly.

Post # 14
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@CO_Babe:  umm it all depends on how you feel, you don’t seem to feel very thrilled with the idea so why push it? It would be different if your fiance wanted to invite her but you just seem to feel a little guilty for not wanting her there-even though it’s totally understandable why you wouldn’t

Post # 15
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It depends on your own feelings over the matter, rather than what others think to it

My H2B’s ex is coming to our wedding, she’s really nice and is engaged herself, and when we go down to London to see his friends we all hang out, they were together years ago when they were both still living in South Africa, and I can honestly say it doesn’t bother me, I don’t see her as an Ex of his, I see her as a good friend and it’s nice that we can invite her to be part of our day 

Post # 16
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No way.  It shouldn’t even be an option, particularly with as much drama as she has already been.

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