(Closed) Invite grandfather's new significant other to wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
46877 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

AHart77:  I think she should be invited. I doubt that your grandmother would wish that he remain miserable and alone.

Everyone grieves in different ways and at different speeds. I am happy for him that he has found someone with whom he can share his remaining days. Hopefully you can find it in your heart to also be happy for him.

Post # 3
231 posts
Helper bee

I hope you find it in your heart to invite her, Im sure that would make him very happy and proud of you,  So nice that your grandfather isnt alone. Its very lonely being older and alone, good luck. you may really like her.

Post # 4
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think you should invite her. Your grandfather cares for her and she has done nothing to wrong you, unless you count “not being your grandmother” as a personal affront. To exclude her because you’re not “ready” for your grandpa to have a companion is selfish and I think you’ll regret it in years to come.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  LoveBugBee. Reason: Fucking iPhone autocorrect
Post # 5
7660 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

AHart77:  Pretend it’s not your grandfather and he’s not widowed, but a friend or younger relative who’s had the same boyfriend or girlfriend for a few months. If you’d invite the partner in that situation, then you should definitely invite the gf. Even if not, I think you should probably invite her because your grandfather is so close to you.

Remember your grandfather is grieving the loss of his wife much more than you are. If he is ok with moving on, then you should be too.

Post # 6
437 posts
Helper bee

AHart77:  I hardly doubt your grandmother would have wanted your grandfather to live the rest of his years alone. Having said that, my grandfather passed the week of my wedding. It was devastating. I would do whatever it took to make my sweet grandparents happy and not hurt their feelings, including inviting a new SO. OP- I think you will regret it if you don’t. I would, however, do something at the wedding in memory of you Grandmother.

Post # 7
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I do think the right thing to do here is to invite his girlfriend, even though you don’t agree with his choice to be with someone else after your grandmother passed. As for whether your grandmother wanted him to be alone or not, who knows. She may have believed in when you commit to someone, you commit til the day you die, not til the day they die. Some do, except perhaps for unforeseen circumstances such as infidelity, or criminal behaviour.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  Jacqui90.
Post # 8
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lake side

Absolutely invite her. I’m sure she was married for many many years also and her first husband passed away. your grandfather and his companion  have been through a pain that you could not imagine, you feel like a wounded animal that can’t find its way back to the den, vounerable and alone with every one watching you. 

These two have found each other and can feel a sense of normality again. respect his decision to share his life with someone if he chooses. 

Post # 10
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Whether or not YOU are ready for your grandfather to date is irrelevant.  He’s a grown man who can make his own decisions.  And as much as you THINK you’re grieving right now, you have absolutely nothing on him.  Your grief as a granddaughter is tiny compared to the loss of a life partner who has been by his side longer than your parents have been alive.  This is one of those grownup moments where you invite the girlfriend, and be nice to her.

And for the record, I lost my father 6 months ago.  It broke my heart, but I know it shattered my mom.  However, if she said she was seeing someone, I would be nothing but happy for her.  Why would you ever want to deny happiness and companionship to someone you love just because you want to be selfish?

Post # 12
10840 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

If they are not engaged or living together, it is not an obligation on your part, but I can understand that you may regret not including her if she sticks around and they do end up together.  If he’s about to propose,  you really have no choice but to invite her.  If they are not  yet engaged,  you can see at her as his date without getting ahead of yourself. 

But if your grandfather waited over a year before dating again, that is considered perfectly respectful.  At his age, it’s really a compliment to your grandmother that he still likes the idea of marriage and is willing to take the chance.  Nothing can ever take away the years  he had with your grandmother and no one will ever replace her.  Anyway, I would just take things one step at a time.  

Post # 15
10840 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

AHart77:  To make it to 80 years, at a certain point you inevitably come to realize  that loss is a part of life.   I’m sure at his age your grandfather has lost plenty of people that he was once close to, close friends, relatives, his parents, now, sadly, his wife.   It’s not that each loss, and especially this one is not heartbreaking, but a younger person  understandably will have a very different perspective on life, while older people may be better at dealing  and accepting.  This is a very broad generalization of course, but  just something else to keep in mind as you try to understand where your grandfather is coming from. 

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