(Closed) Invite grandfather's new significant other to wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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AHart77:  Have you stopped to think for a minute how hard attending your wedding without his late wife might be for your grandfather? That he might need the support of his new partner to get through such an emotionally tough day?

Post # 18
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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AHart77: I would absolutely invite her. It might be different if your grandparents had gone through a divorce or there was something he had done wrong, but that’s not the case here. You have to remember how much he loved and still loves your grandmother, and I’m so sorry you are going through this. If it helps, my family has gone through the EXACT situation with my grandmother and her now husband. My grandfather meant the world to my mom and I, and it was very hard to watch my grandmother date someone else and then decide to get married. It has been years, and I still don’t think my mother or I have completely accepted this other guy, but he is very sweet, and I would do anything to make my grandmother happy, if only to honor how much she has meant in my life.

Post # 20
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Lake side

You seem to have a good sense of family. Congratulations on your up coming wedding, it will be great! tears of joy all around 

Post # 22
Member
3256 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yes.  He is your grandfather. 

Post # 23
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Maybe you could talk to him, and ask him if HE wants to bring her to the wedding? Maybe he doesn’t want to, maybe he does. I think that you guys sound close enough that he wouldn’t be offended if you were to ask. But if you ask him, you also have to be prepared to invite her if that’s his wish.

Post # 24
Member
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Weddings can be really hard for someone who lost their spouse, I think it’s nice to allow their SOs to come.

Post # 25
Member
3315 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Think about it this way:  If your grandfather is 80, he does not have the time left to slow his courtship down to the point at which you would feel comfortable with it.  And conversely, you need to treasure the time you have left with him, even if it means dealing with his new love before you are really ready to.

Post # 26
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I dont think you should make a decision right now until you’ve talked to him and see how he feels about it. There are 2 ways it could go: hes 80 and probably will sit most of the reception somewhere while everyone is up dancing. I can imagine having his friend there would make it easier for him that your gm isnt there with him. Or, he may actually be concerned for your feelings too and want to do whats right for you. I think you need to have a good chat with him about it, and be open to having her there if it would make it easier on him, but do know he might be concerned about your feelings too.

As for the relationship, I do understand your feelings. My parents separated a few years ago and it is still difficult to know they have both found significant others who theyre putting importance on. Also, my grandmother passed away a little over a year ago, suddenly, the week before I was due to travel back (from europe to aus) for a holiday, the first time in 2 years going back. I was devastated, and so was my pop. He now lives at home alone. Hes 88. He doesnt have many friends and doesnt leave the house. While he says hes happy, I know he lost a big part of himself when she died. As much as I miss my gmom, I just wish my pop would just have 1 friend, even just a friend, that would bring his spark back. What im trying to say, is that your grandfathers friend wont replace your gmom, but she will help keep your grandfather ‘alive’. I would be just thankful for that.

Post # 28
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Without question, you need to extend your grandfather a +1. The fact that you’ve never met his companion is irrelevant. I can sympathize with your emotions surrounding the situation, but you need to put them aside and do the right thing by inviting her.

Post # 29
Member
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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AHart77:  I would advise against talking to him. He might get the overall feeling that you don’t really want her there but felt like you needed to ask and so he will just tell you it is ok not to invite her. Just extend him the +1 and then he can decide if he would like to invite his current partner or not.

Post # 30
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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AHart77:  Absolutely invite her.

As much as you love and miss your Grandmother, imagine how much more keenly your Grandfather feels her loss?  You lost your Grandmother – an important part of your life, yet you still have your whole life and many happy things ahead of you.  He lost his wife, his whole life as he knew it and is at the sunset of his llife with who knows how much left to live?   Imagine how lonely he would be traveling to and attending your wedding by himself. You can make your wedding a happy or an unhappy day for him. 

Your Grandmother is sadly gone and inviting your Grandfather’s new lady friend won’t make her any more so.   On the happiest day of your life, surely you can be unselfish and loving enough to consider your Grandfather’s Happiness?  He’s done nothing at all wrong and I suspect your Grandmother wouldnt want him to just grieve and be lonely the rest of his life. 

He’s 80. Down the road, I suspect you will be grateful for every single time you demonstrated your love, gratitude and support of him.  Let this be one of those times. 

 

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