(Closed) Invite grey area as a guest – would you think this rude or inappropriate?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t think it’s rude at all.  It makes great sense and I’m sure the bride and her mom would enjoy seeing you!

Post # 4
Member
2058 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If your friend got a +1, I think that’d be fine!  Is the bride on a strict budget? That would be the only thing that would make me hesitate about going.

Post # 5
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It should be fine — the bride doesn’t get to dictate who her guests bring! My Maid/Matron of Honor brought her sister as her plus one, and one of my friends who did a reading for the wedding brought a childhood friend who I’d met a few times. (To be honest, I knew my friend’s childhood friend better than I knew her soon-to-be husband at that point!) Both of these plus ones were more involved in the wedding than you’re going to be, and it was totally fine, because they’re lovely people. Similarly to my friend and her husband — the bride and her mom might even PREFER that your friend bring you, instead of some random dude!

In short, unless there’s bad blood between you and the bride or your mom and the bride’s mom, I think you should relax, enjoy, and get ready to celebrate!

Post # 6
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think generally speaking, it’s okay. They clearly have room for you (since they offered a +1 anyway) and it’s not like you are a totally random person. I think some couples object to a +1 substitution, but it’s usually because the +1 is being subbed out for a totally random person. If it really is a concern, I would have the invitee ask the couple if it’s okay (something along the lines of “Hey, I’m bringing GoldieGlitters as my +1! Hope that’s fine with you!”).

 

Post # 7
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Not out of place at all. Someone did something similar at my wedding — an invited friend brought as her plus one someone I know and like a lot but just am not close enough with to have invited in the first place. I thought it was great.

Post # 9
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

totally fine if she’s a bride like me who doesn’t believe you can dictate who someone brings as a date! have fun!

Post # 10
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I gave most of my single guests a +1 (with the intent that they bring a date, if they felt uncomfortable to go alone).  I did get miffed at the guests who brought a pal vs. a date (or the guest that gave their +1 to her mother).  But, that ‘miffed’ feeling didn’t last long, especially when I realized I can’t dictate who people choose to bring as their +1 🙂

That said – the +1 does not specify what type of +1 it should be and it’s fair game… so, technically, you aren’t doing anything  ‘wrong’ or rude.

To give you an idea of my original mindset:  In my single days, if I got a +1 on an invite and wasn’t dating anyone, I always went solo.  I never would have used my +1 to bring a friend.

 

Post # 12
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

This reminds me of a “Friends” episode : )

Post # 15
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think it’s totally fine if your friend got a true open +1.  If she was invited specifically herself and a specific party and she’s subbing on her own accord, no.

Post # 16
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think it would be okay, too. I’d rather have a guest I know than a random fling-of-a-friend that I’ll never see again.  

Sort of similarly, in my sorority, when a sister gets married she often can’t invite all of the sorority sisters. But if those that are invited get +1’s the common expectation is that the single sisters will bring an un-invited sister as a date! 

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