Post # 1
Im in an invite grey area and need your help! My mother was very close friends with two other women who had babies that same time as I was born. All three of them ended up having girls (of which I am one) and stayed close friends until we got older and went to school and found our own friends. One of the other girls is now getting married, to which my parents and auntie and uncle have been invited. The third girl (who im still friends with) and her family have also been invited (The girl to just the reception) I wasn’t invited which is totally fine with me – the bride and I don’t really know each other beyond our shared childhood of playing together So it completely makes sense that I wouldnt receive an invite.
The second girl asked me tonight if I would go to the reception (evening guests are a UK thing) with her as her plus one…I’d love to go with her but am not sure if this is rude? She’s obviously been given A Plus one but I’m not sure if using it for me would be considered rude.
If the tables were turned and the bride was asked to come along as a plus one to my wedding (which would admittedly be in the future as I’m a waiting bride) I’d be totally fine about it but I know that I can be pretty chilled out about these things whereas she may not be.
does anyone have an opinion? Would it be out of place for me to attend the reception as a plus one?
Post # 3
I don’t think it’s rude at all. It makes great sense and I’m sure the bride and her mom would enjoy seeing you!
Post # 4
If your friend got a +1, I think that’d be fine! Is the bride on a strict budget? That would be the only thing that would make me hesitate about going.
Post # 5
It should be fine — the bride doesn’t get to dictate who her guests bring! My Maid/Matron of Honor brought her sister as her plus one, and one of my friends who did a reading for the wedding brought a childhood friend who I’d met a few times. (To be honest, I knew my friend’s childhood friend better than I knew her soon-to-be husband at that point!) Both of these plus ones were more involved in the wedding than you’re going to be, and it was totally fine, because they’re lovely people. Similarly to my friend and her husband — the bride and her mom might even PREFER that your friend bring you, instead of some random dude!
In short, unless there’s bad blood between you and the bride or your mom and the bride’s mom, I think you should relax, enjoy, and get ready to celebrate!
Post # 6
I think generally speaking, it’s okay. They clearly have room for you (since they offered a +1 anyway) and it’s not like you are a totally random person. I think some couples object to a +1 substitution, but it’s usually because the +1 is being subbed out for a totally random person. If it really is a concern, I would have the invitee ask the couple if it’s okay (something along the lines of “Hey, I’m bringing GoldieGlitters as my +1! Hope that’s fine with you!”).
Post # 7
Not out of place at all. Someone did something similar at my wedding — an invited friend brought as her plus one someone I know and like a lot but just am not close enough with to have invited in the first place. I thought it was great.
Post # 8
Thanks ladies! There’s no bad blood at all and it would be lovely to catch up with everyone. I’d just hate to step on any toes! Thanks for your help!
Post # 9
totally fine if she’s a bride like me who doesn’t believe you can dictate who someone brings as a date! have fun!
Post # 10
I gave most of my single guests a +1 (with the intent that they bring a date, if they felt uncomfortable to go alone). I did get miffed at the guests who brought a pal vs. a date (or the guest that gave their +1 to her mother). But, that ‘miffed’ feeling didn’t last long, especially when I realized I can’t dictate who people choose to bring as their +1 🙂
That said – the +1 does not specify what type of +1 it should be and it’s fair game… so, technically, you aren’t doing anything ‘wrong’ or rude.
To give you an idea of my original mindset: In my single days, if I got a +1 on an invite and wasn’t dating anyone, I always went solo. I never would have used my +1 to bring a friend.
Post # 11
@oracle: thanks for your comment. I completely know what you mean. I think if my friend had invited me as her plus one for the whole day I’d respectfully decline. I wouldn’t want them to spend money on a meal for me! In the UK, it’s pretty common to invite some guests for the reception party only so they won’t be spending any extra cash for me to come. I guess if you ladies don’t see an etiquette issue here I should be fine to go along. Having said that I think I’ll definitely take @lilbluebird:s advice to have my friend mention it to the bride.
Post # 12
This reminds me of a “Friends” episode : )
Post # 13
@HeMadeMeWantTo: haha, Monica’s cousins wedding! I’m happy to be Monica! Love that episode!
Post # 14
@GoldieGlitters: Yup, that’s the one!! Monica’s cousin was peeved!
Post # 15
I think it’s totally fine if your friend got a true open +1. If she was invited specifically herself and a specific party and she’s subbing on her own accord, no.
Post # 16
I think it would be okay, too. I’d rather have a guest I know than a random fling-of-a-friend that I’ll never see again.
Sort of similarly, in my sorority, when a sister gets married she often can’t invite all of the sorority sisters. But if those that are invited get +1’s the common expectation is that the single sisters will bring an un-invited sister as a date!