Invite Groomsmen g/f and wives to bridal shower?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
12227 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

A bridal shower is really supposed to be a small, low key and  intimate affair thrown by a friend or friends of the bride or her family. Very close and local family and friends are usually invited. Aunts and cousins can be invited, but often it’s just a specific group of friends, co-workers etc. 

I would not invite GFs of FI’s groomsmen unless they also happen to be very close to you. That is just a gift grab IMO. 

Post # 4
Member
7765 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Disagree with PP that a shower has to be a small intimate affair. I’ve been to showers with 10 people and showers with 60 people…it just depends on your circle of friends/family, whether you are having a “traditional” shower with just women or if it’s a couples shower.

OP, if you’re having a couples shower (which I assume you are if the groomsmen are invited), then I would invite them with their partners. This is not “gift grabby” – they don’t have to bring two gifts or a bigger gift just cause their partner is invited. If the shower is just for ladies, then no need to invite the groomsmen or their partners.

Post # 5
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think it’s very different for each person.  I’m VERY close with my aunts and cousins so they will be invited, as well as close friends, FSIL’s, my Fiancé’s aunt (his uncle is a groomsman) and some others.   The girlfriend of the best man won’t be only bc they live out of state.   If you are friends with them then sure if not it’s not necessary.

Post # 7
Member
4030 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

AmDS :  I invited my Fiance at the time’s GM’s girlfriends or wives. Most of them I am close to (my Darling Husband and I are together for 9 years) and I would feel badly if I didn’t invite them since I was also given an invitation to their showers and stuff. I think you should do whatever you feel is right. My personal opinion would be to invite them and then they can decide if they want to come or not, plus it could forge a closer friendship later on if that’s what you want…

and p.s. Almost all of their GFs or wives came except for one of them who lives far away and couldn’t make it out here.

Post # 8
Member
12227 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

tiffanybruiser :  I know from plenty of first hand experience that showers are often larger and have been to a few monster ones myself. Nevertheless, traditionally showers are meant to be low key, thrown by friends, and about modest and practical gifts. That was the case until the wedding vendors and retailers marketed for something more profitable, to them and the couple. 

AmDS :  Your Future Mother-In-Law is misguided. The shower guest list should almost never include all those invited to the wedding. 

Also, there is no reason the men have to go out and drop off their GFs, though you may have seen it work out that way if everyone is close. 

Post # 9
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think it depends. Where I live, it’s very common for every woman who livse “in tow” that is invited to the wedding is also invited to the shower. I’m also inviting all of my fiance’s aunts and cousins because we spend a lot of time with his family. The groomsmen are all friends we see on a regular basis so we’re friends with their girlfriends as well (one grooman’s wife is my bridesmaid for example).  I’ve never been to a ‘small’ bridal shower personally.

 

However, when my male cousin got married to a woman, she did not invite any of my family to the bridal shower. My aunts were very miffed because it was expected. We don’t see my cousin that often.

 

Post # 10
Member
8869 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

AmDS :  Can you help me understand this part better: “usually the guys drop off the women and then all go out together, so when I mentioned this he asked if the girlfriends and wives should be invited also.” What guys drop off what women? I’ve never heard of or seen anything like this. Do you mind sharing where you’re from since that might be relevent? I’m in the midwest US and most women here drive. If a couple only has one car and the guy needs it, then he might drop her off and pick her up, but it’s not a “thing” for a bunch of guys to drop off “the women” at a bridal shower and then go hang out together. If you had to explain this scenario to your fiance, maybe it’s not a thing where you’re at either. Are you thinking you need to invite the wives/GFs so that the groomsmen can drop them off and then go hang out with the other groomsmen? That sounds very convoluted and unnecessary, which is why I’m sure I’m misunderstanding.

Regarding your fiance’s relatives, yes — all the bridal showers I’ve ever been to included both bride’s and groom’s family. If he’s close to them, you should try to fit them into your guest list.

Post # 12
Member
8869 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

AmDS :  Thanks for clarifying. I still don’t understand how the groomsmen and their SOs fit in though. The fact that you’re asking the question shows that you’re not close enough with the wives/GFs to put them on the guestlist on their own merits. You would only be inviting them because they’re the groomsmen’s SOs. But since it’s a lady’s shower, the groomsmen aren’t invited. The only reason they would be there is if they were dropping off women. But the only reason the women would need to be dropped off is so the groomsmen can bring them. Do you see the big circle? It doesn’t make sense. It sounds like it made sense for your family because you were all family and all the women were already invited. It doesn’t sound like you invited any women just so the men could bring them. I think you’re way overcomplicating this. If you wouldn’t invite these women by themselves, it would be awkward to invite them just so their man could drop them off.

Post # 13
Member
2805 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would only invite the wives/gfs if you are good friends with them. I wouldn’t invite them only based on their SO being in the wedding. I also think it is ok to invite some, and not all. I don’t think that someone you don’t know well is going to be offended that they didn’t have to go to your shower. 

Post # 15
Member
12227 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

AmDS :  Since you are asking as an etiquette question,  there is debate as to whether it is proper for family to host a shower. Traditionally, family does not throw showers, as it seems self serving. In my own circles these are always thrown by a friend or friend of the family. Other etiquette sources do not have an issue with it. 

I’d include future aunts and cousins if they are local. 

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