Post # 1
We plan to have the reception at a local rental venue he has connections to.
I was abused by legal guardians who prevented me to see my Dad’s family, and used my Mom’s visitation rights as a way to control me.
I can’t cut them from my life for reasons, least of which l can’t tell people the truth about them for fear of being blacklisted by family.
We want to invite them to the ceremony for proprietary sake. But do not want them at the reception where I’d be seen as horrible for dancing with my father instead of the man who raised me by family.
I also know they would complain constantly if we served any form of alcohol.
Would it be rude to have them at ceremony and photos but say they aren’t invited to the reception because l know they don’t like being around alcohol?
Post # 2
I think abuse trumps the rules here. So even though its technically rude it doesnt matter. However you will have an issue when people are milling about after and talking about the reception. They may just show up? Or cause a scene upon hearing they’re not invited? Are they the type to do so?
Lastly i would really rethink cutting the abusers out. Why do you feel you owe them a place in your life? Its personal and up to you of course…but why be miserable? Or tell them there will be alcohol would that deter their attendance?
Or what about eloping? Is that an option?
Post # 3
I find it weird that you are inviting them to the ceremony but not the reception. If you don’t want them in your life then kick them out.
I don’t see how you can only invite them to the ceremony? Or you going to just flat our tell them you don’t want them at the reception? How can you guarantee that they won’t show up.
I’m sorry that you are in this position but I really think it is all or nothing.
Post # 4
I agree 100% with the ‘All or Nothing’ idea
Post # 5
I don’t think this is going to solve your problem though. Anyone who would blacklist you for not inviting the people who abused you (because they don’t know that these people abused you) is going to blacklist you doubly for inviting them to the ceremony but not the reception. Of course you don’t have to invite people who abused you to your wedding, but if you invite them to the part that people customarily give gifts for and not the part where you host them, that looks really bad on you. People who know the story will understand, but to anyone who doesn’t know the story, it looks really bad on you. How are you going to respond when they accuse you of being a greedy gift-grubber? They’ll be wrong, but without knowing the whole story, that’s what it looks like to them. Unfortunately you’re in kind of a damned if you do and damned if you don’t situation. Whenever I’m stuck in one of those, I choose the option I’m more comfortable with, which in this case would be just not inviting them at all.
Post # 6
I agree with PP. You’re better off not inviting them. If family is going to blacklist you for not inviting your abusers, then you do not want them in your life anyways. If they are going to blacklist you for dancing with your father, then you don’t want them in your life anyways. It sounds like you are not at all comfortable with these people. In that case, you’re not going to be comfortable with them at the ceremony either.
Post # 7
There’s obviously much more to this story. These family members who raised you (your parents were legally unfit? ) “abused” you by not allowing you to see your father’s family and used your mother’s supervised visitation to “control” you. You say you’ll be “blacklisted” by all the other family if you let them know how awful these people who raised you are or if you’re seen dancing with your bio father. These awful people don’t want to be around alcohol either.
To answer your question, no you can’t invite them to ceremony but exclude them from the reception. How old are you? If you truely believe those who raised you were abusive and it wasn’t actually a teenagers misperception based on what they thought best for you (due to the obvious issues your parents had), then separate yourself from them and get counseling.