(Closed) Invite HIS Ex-Fiancee to OUR Wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t think she has to be there. It’s your FH’s son and he should be able to participate to the wedding. I don’t think people on their second marriages invite their ex wives/husbands to their weddings.

Post # 4
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Technically if he’s listed as the father, yeah, you could have him there without her. There’s no protective order.

Quite honestly I think he should just say: “I want my son to be at my wedding, but I think it would be best for everyone if he was the only one in attendance. You and I have a past that I don’t want others to be talking about on my wedding day. I hope you understand… I’m sure you wouldn’t want me at your new wedding, either.”

Just don’t be surprised if she says no to this request… even if you DO invite her. She apparently likes having the power.

Post # 5
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I definitely do not think you have to invite her!  It’s your wedding, and not the time for you to be having any awkward moments.  You should be able to completely enjoy your day!  And while I am no Emily Post, I certainly don’t think that inviting the ex’s is required by wedding etiquette.  

Post # 6
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

If it’s his son, I don’t think she has to be there. It sounds like it would be very uncomfortable to have her! How does your Fiance feel about having her there?

Post # 7
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009 - Church Ceremony/Reception at The Waterford House

I agree that I don’t think she has to be there, but the fact that she doesn’t want your FH in his son’s life sounds like she wants to create complications.  Does he have specified legal rights to his son? 

Post # 8
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hmmm, I was thinking the only reason to include her would be if they have a child. But, I totally see why you wouldn’t want to invite her.

So here is an idea. Are you at all close to your FMIL? Can you ask her to ask if they, the assumed grandparents (or insert whatever other family member would work, really) can bring the boy? If you have someone who will understand your feelings, you can ask that person to present it as an opportunity for the ex to have a night off.

Basically, another family member could bring the boy.


On another point, while the boy is in the country, I would seriously advice you both to see a family lawyer. This is your opportunity to get things settled, because the law will have jurisdiction as long as he is here.

Post # 10
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor

laboroflove seems to have the right idea, you’d think she’d understand it would be uncomfortable for her to be there. However, she might be concerned about who will be watching their son – I’m assuming your FH’s parents? what a complicated situation – I’m so sorry!

Post # 11
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

firstly i would be wanting to find out if the child is his bio son – if yes then legally he has responsbilities and rights and if no, then he has just saved himself from a world of legal pain if she decided to come after him (and you for that matter) for financial support.

secondly, by your post  im assuming the child has not seen his father and has no relationship with him – if thats the case the the last thing i would want is him to be upset by being forced to spend time with people he does not know

as far as mooching of your FI’s parents – if the child is his, they are supporting their grandchild  and thats their business. if your Fiance isnt providing any financial assistance for the child then im glad someone is helping her


edit: just read your 2nd post – maybe your FI’s parents can take responsbility of the child for the day but if they dont tell the childs mother they run the risk of alienating her which is dangerous ground

Post # 12
7409 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry you are in this sucky situation.  But I don’t think in the current situation you should have the ex-fiance or the son at your wedding.  IMO you should get a paternity test, then go to court and have a judge establish visitation.  If this is his child he needs to be part of the child’s life on a regular and premanent basis, not just for one day.  If this is indeed his child- she has no right to keep his son from him and you don’t need to play her manipulation games.

Post # 13
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - Catholic Ceremony, Cultural Hall Reception

When I read the title of this post, I was totally going to say no, no, NO exes at weddings.  However, if there is a child envolved, that makes things a bit complicated.  I think that you guys have more important things to work out than just a wedding invite.  You should probably sit down and discuss boundaries, as well as the role that you and your Fiance will play in the babies life.

Good luck!

Post # 14
44 posts
  • Wedding: June 2010

If he knows his son and has leagal rights to see him then I think he should be a part of your wedding. I don’t think that the ex needs to be there though. It would be inappropriet and awkward. If they are living with your FH’s family then I would assume that the child knows and is comfortable with those family members. Perhaps they would be willing to be responsible for him for the day so that he can be there without his mother.

Post # 15
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t think it’s a good idea for either to be there, honestly. I don’t think your wedding day is the best time for your FH to try to forge a relationship with his son, who you say doesn’t even know he is his dad. I think you should wait until after the wedding and then get a paternity test at which point your FH can pursue a relationship with his son (if the boy ends up being his son). I think the ex is trying to stir up drama with this move. And WTF is wrong with your Future In-Laws letting her mooch like that?!?

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