Invite language…is this rude or non issue?

posted 8 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
3075 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2006

Would his parents be upset? If not, let your mom have this one. Although, from your update about Future Mother-In-Law being overbearing, I doubt they’d be too happy. Even if it is proper etiquette, I’d still feel terrible leaving my future in-laws names off, especially if I knew it would offend them. 

You cant make everyone happy though! 

Post # 32
Member
284 posts
Helper bee

averyj :  Edited because I misread and thought the issue was your mom was manhandling the invites.  Reading comprehenison, geez.

 

Etiquette-wise, your FI’s parents aren’t hosting the wedding, so they aren’t going to be on there.  Your mom isn’t being petty imo.  I mean, she could be okay with them being on there despite not contributing, but she’s not, so I suggest you let her have this one.

Post # 33
Member
1204 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Word it “Mr. and Mrs  Parents of Bride, request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their daughter Bride and Groom, son of Mr. and Mrs Groom Parents. ” This way everyone is listed but it is clear who the hosts are. 

Post # 34
Member
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Southampton, UK

  averyj :  Edited again because I can’t read.
The way you worded it on your original post clearly lists your parents as the hosts. I do agree it’s petty that she has a problem with naming his parents after “son of…” 

 

Post # 35
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee

It is actually tradition for the hosting people to be the only ones requesting presence on the invite. Either or both sets of parents or just the couple. 

Post # 36
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

averyj :  I believe traditionally the father of the bride pays for the wedding while the groom’s parents pay for the rehearsal. In those cases, I think whomever is paying for it has his or her name on the invitation for that specific event only. That’s traditional and shouldn’t be too insulting.

Post # 37
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

Maybe you shouldn’t call your mother petty. If she’s so petty, don’t let her pay for your wedding. I think that’s what’s rude in your post. They are hosting, they should be recognized for that.

If you went ahead and ordered the invites the way you want before discussing and coming to a conclusion, I’d be pissed if I was your mom.

Post # 38
Member
1451 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

This was how my invitations were worded. My parents hosted, they were named as the hosts on the inviatation. As far as I know, no one was upset or offended by it. I sent an invitation to my in laws and they RSVPed to it. Similarly, my in laws hosted the rehearsal dinner, and the invitation to that came from them. And my parents RSVPed to that.

Post # 40
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

averyj :  I know the ship has sailed on this one, but remember in the future that you can turn down a gift (no matter how generous) if you’re going to feel bad about it.

Post # 42
Hostess
8420 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

averyj :  My parents gifted us some money. FI’s parents haven’t so to not cause any upset our invite said  “together with their parents…” – My parents would have been upset either way though to be fair. 

Post # 43
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I like @vee1980’s wording a lot.  OP you should use that.  I do see your mother’s point. Just think it would be too pointedly hurtful to name your parents on the invite and not name your fiancé’s parents at all. 

Post # 44
Member
7851 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We went through this same drama. My parents paid for our wedding and wanted the invitations to reflect that, as is traditional in the U.S., but dh’s parents are from another country where this is not a thing so they were offended at not being listed on the invite. It was a hot mess and about the 900th issue that our respective families were clashing over with regard to the wedding. In the end we printed two sets of invitations, one which listed my parents as the hosts (Parents of TiffanyBruiser invite you…) and one that listed both sets of parents as hosts, even though dh’s were not contributing. The ones that listed dh’s parents were sent to all their people, and the one that listed mine were sent to my parents’ people. Dh’s parents were not aware that we printed two sets of invitations, and with the wedding nearly 2 yrs behind us, I think it’s unlikely they’ll ever find out, so…win win?

Was it dumb that we did this? Maybe, but was the path of least resistance in an extremely stressful time.

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