(Closed) Invite my Dad's Ex????

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I invite my Dad's ex?
    Yes! B will deal with it and you'll always regret it if you don't. : (38 votes)
    95 %
    No! That would be really disrespectful to B. : (2 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    1361 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’d ask your dad what he thinks.  B might be really sweet and tell you that you can invite A, but your dad might have a better sense of what B really thinks.

    Post # 5
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would do whatever felt right to me regarding who I wanted at my wedding and let the adults figure it out.

    Post # 6
    817 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

    I would also talk to A. She may feel uncomfortable as well–I am very close with my ex’s parents, but would feel uncomfortable going to his wedding, for instance. She may not want to come and feel more comfortable celebrating with you and your Fiance after the wedding itself.

    Also how big is your wedding–if it’s 300 people and you can seat them apart it’ll be less awkward than if you’re just having 50 or 60 so they can’t semi-avoid one another if they prefer.

    Are A and your dad in contact at all still?

    Post # 7
    4193 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    I would talk to B- it sounds like she’s a mature adult, who would be able to handle it. 

    It’s really not that hard to ignore people at a wedding. Has she even met A/would she know who she is? 

    My divorced parents sat in the same row at our wedding, with my Step-mom and Mom’s “boy”friend (almost 80, but you get the point)- B might be okay with this.

    And I agree with PP- also talk to A- *she* might be the one who’s not comfortable with the situation.

    Post # 8
    6743 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    This is your wedding and this isn’t just your dad’s ex, it’s a woman who you grew up with for 7 years.  I think B should be able to put her feelings aside and be an adult about it and I’m sure it wouldn’t bother her.  I probably wouldn’t seat them at the same table, though.  🙂

    Post # 9
    1659 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    FH’s parents divorced when he was 7, five years later he dated a woman for nine years, and then four years after that remarried another woman.  The second woman he dated is coming to our wedding – she’s been an awesome friend to FH and his brother and she’s one of my favorite people in his family, even though she isn’t really in his family 🙂  We didn’t consult or talk to FH’s dad about it first and I don’t think he cares.

    Post # 11
    7735 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Why should B have a problem with it? She’s his woman now, she’s got the prize. The person who might be uncomfortable is A, but if she’s going to come to the wedding she needs to deal with B being with your father.

    I’ve been through almost the same thing, except in my case A was my mother and she had to go through the pain of seeing my dad with his new wife B at two of their children’s weddings. Since your dad and B are married, I don’t think she’ll go bothering him. Yes, invite A since you are still close to her. Just sit them well apart and trust them to behave. Worked for us!

    Post # 12
    986 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Oh man, that’s hard.

    I was the new woman, and My FI’s niece was getting married.   FI’s SIL was also his exwife’s first cousin.   I was stressed the whole time wondering if she had been invited and if she would be there.   Fiance and I had just moved in together.  I was meeting the extend family for the first time.   I felt so awkward.   They did not invite the ex.  And I should have been able to handle it.  But, honestly, I was so uncomfortable I could die.   I hated every minute of being there.   I did show and tried to be pleasant, but spent the whole time looking around to see if she was there.


    Post # 13
    1815 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    It’s your wedding, invite all who were a big part of your life. They will all understand who is likely to be invited, and if they have a problem they can choose to stay home. I think it’s rude to exclude a mother figure of yours in order to make someone you barely know more comfortable. It’s her problem, not yours. Your situation sounds almost identical to mine, in terms of dads wives, except I positively can’t stand my A lol.

    Post # 14
    3303 posts
    Sugar bee

    Invite A. B will understand.

    Post # 15
    745 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I think you should invite them. 

    As to whether you should speak to B about it, I’m not certain. If you explain to her that this woman was important to you and you have a good relationship, she’ll likely understand. But you also run the risk of making it too big a deal, where B may not have seen it as such in the first place. So I guess the advice on that would be to guage how much you think B knows of the situation. You’re not inviting A because she once dated your dad. You’re inviting her because you consider a member of your family.

    My fiance’s best “man” is a woman he dated 7 or 8 years ago, but was friends with her for about 5 years prior to that, and then again from about a year after they dated. They were wrong for each other, should have never dated, but are very close friends. She and I have also become close since he and I have been together. I persoally don’t feel threatened by exes, so I’m probably projectng that personal feeling into my view of the situation.

    Post # 16
    1576 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Just seat them well apart!

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