Post # 47
I 100% agree with you, you shouldnt have to invite her! First of all i dont agree that an ex has should be at your wedding in the first place. Second like others have said she is an ex that is against your marriage. I simply can not understand why your Fiance thinks she should be there. I know others were saying it would create less drama, but I think it would be less drama for others maybe not for you. If you cave in youre going to be upset about her being there. I think you have the right to tell your FH you dont want her there or involved in your life for that matter. Youre going to be his wife he should put your feeling above everything else. It would be different if it was a cousin or just a friend, then I would say just invite her and let it go. For me it would be about more than just the wedding. Do you really need someone like this around after you guys are married? you need to let him know now if bothers you and youre not ok with it. Sorry I went off i just got angry for you lol.
Post # 48
July 11- Ugh! I know I am angry for me too. He is like this about everything though, very indifferent. I’m not really mad at him though..
I’m going to let him sit on it, gather more opinions and then restate my case in a few weeks or months! It’s not really fair.. but if I can be ok with her coming, then it’ll be ok. Maybe there’s something I can do to “get over it”. I don’t want to think that I’m the one bieng the pain in the butt, but from what everyone else is saying.. he’s the pain in the butt haha. I understand his position and I’ve only formally talked to him once about it, so I just have to give him more time.
If I still feel the same way in a few weeks/months (which I probably will.. and worse!) and he won’t budge, then we’ll have a problem. I just hope he comes around.
Post # 49
I agree with everyone else in this post. She should not be invited. You need to just tell your fiance very clearly and directly that you will not have that woman at your wedding. That you do not like the way she is as a person and she will not ruin your wedding day with her negative energy. If he understands then good, if not, then tell her yourself.
I know it is an awkward situation, but you do not want her ruining your wedding and that’s the most important days of you and your fiance’s life. You can do it ! Good Luck!
Post # 50
I thought maybe I could ask Fiance talk to talk to “girl” and basically tell her a few things about herself. Let her know that he is marrying me because he loves me, that she cannot change it if she doesn’t like it, that she needs to be more respectful of me, and that if she is invited and she causes problems she will be asked to leave.
I know my father won’t have any problem asking her to get out if she starts being LAMMMME.
Does that sound reasonable? To ask him to take care of that for me? It IS his friend. Fiance already told me he was going to ask a good friend of his to “keep her in line” (direct quote). But I think it should be FI’s responsibility.
Post # 51
I like this idea. If she continues to be a brat after he talks to her, at least you know that he stood up for you, and hopefully she will realize that she is being immature and be able to attend your wedding and act like a respectful adult.
Post # 52
I agree with that Miss Root! If I can see that he would stick up for me, I think that would be sufficient for me to feel comfortable.
I texted Fiance: I might have thought of something!
Then I told him we would talk about it later. But HOW RUDE of him to just be like, “What.” I can just hear him say it too… what-i’m-so-sick-of-your-immaturity.
how annoying. I sort of feel like he is very UNsupportive of me in this. That’s really discouraging.
Post # 53
Don’t get discouraged! I get texts from Fiance like that all the time, and it’s usually because he’s busy or driving. Texting is so easy to misinterpret. Just try to be patient and wait until the right moment to talk. I recommend picking a time when your Fiance has had a chance to relax from work, maybe eaten dinner and before it gets too late at night. Being stressed/hungry/tired will not help your Fiance be open minded about the conversation with you, which you need him to be if you’re going to be successful. Remember that he’s probably hurt too because he thinks you don’t trust him, so even if you don’t think you’re accusing him of anything, he’ll still probably automatically get defensive. And if you guys have been fighting a lot about the same issue, he’s probably sick of talking about it. Just be concious of how you’re phrasing things as well and you will be fine. I like to emphasize that “___made ME FEEL _____ way, even if you didn’t MEAN to make me feel that way”. Hope that makes sense… it sort of takes the “defense” angle off the whole thing and flips it back on you, but allows him to see that his actions cause a certain type of reaction in you.
Post # 54
Wait, why is this immature? This girl went behind both your backs, said some less than supportive things and then promptly expects an invite? Hell to the no, girl! I’d be putting my foot down. It is odd to me that he’s putting someone else’s happiness over yours.
I think that having him talk to her might work, but if he’s that “indifferent…” well, hard to say. Good luck and I hope you get all of this straightened out!
Post # 55
I don’t think you should invite her. I know your Fiance said it is to keep the peace but YOU should be his #1 priority over what any of his friends may think. Especially if she really does mean stuff all the time, it shouldn’t be surprising to anyone that she isn’t invited.
Post # 56
I agree with everyone. Don’t invite her. It’s your wedding day and you paid good money for it – why invite someone who is mean to you and talks bad about BOTH you and your Fiance (from what I’ve read by her saying those things to your Future Sister-In-Law – she in a sense is also criticizing his choice – maybe you should point that out to him and explain that a good supportive friend would be happy for him, not talk crap!). Hang in there and don’t let this mean girl turn YOUR day into a day about her and why she can’t come, etc… You should be surrounded by those you care about you guys- your family & friends 🙂
Post # 57
Do you want your wedding day to be an exception to the relationship you have with this girl, or a beginning of a new way of relating to her?
Situation 1: You plan to continue to put up with her in your regular life because she’s part of the friend group, but just for this ONE DAY you would like her out of your hair.
Situation 2: You would like to be finished with her once and for all. Not inviting her to the wedding is a way to send a message; you don’t like her and don’t want to be friends.
If you are feeling like situation 1 is more your style, then I’d invite her. If she’s as bad as she sounds, then you’re right, not inviting her will cause a catastrophe. The fallout from that is going to last way beyond your wedding day. Ex or not, she’s part of the friend group. Be prepared for the consequences of not inviting her.
My wedding had only 80 people and there were so many I barely saw. Unless you’re having a tiny gathering she will be easy to ignore.
Post # 58
Do not invite her!! If your friends like her so much they can invite her to their weddings. If they can’t understand why you don’t want her there, then they are not good friends. And I don’t think you need a “no exs” rule… maybe just a common sence “no *&^$#@ people” rule.
My Fi has two children with an ex (never married) and now I see her and talk to her and talk about her WAY more than I want because “she is the mother of my children” …Talk about one without a comeback! But when it came to the invite list, all I had to say is “it would make me uncomfortable to have her there” DONE. End of story. That was 5 months ago and there was no looking back. (plus one of the big reasons for this is, she (like your girl) is likely a little jealous. And bottom line… it’s just hurtful to invite someone to watch the person they wanted get married to someone else. Maybe this is an angle you can take)
With that, I would aboslutly not even consider inviting her until your Fiance can tell you WHY he wants her there. This is the most important day of your life… so far, but these things will keep comming up… like who do you feel comfortable leaving your children with for the weekend, so make sure you can really talk about it and understand where each other is comming from.
Post # 59
That’s a good idea maybe, TBP.. Ask him to tell me why he even really wants her there or else I won’t consider inviting her.
Then he can tell me.
And then I can tell him he has to talk to her about her disrepect! He is totally not going to go for this. I think I might keep pushing him though because this is a big issue for me. I just need to stand firm!
Post # 60
Yikes, it seems strange that he doesn’t want to be more supportive it is clear that you feel strongly.
Do you know if it is because he doesn’t want to stir the pot or is it possible that he thinks you might be focusing on the girl too much? Who cares what she thinks anyways? If she is a nay-sayer just make sure your bridal party keeps her away from you as much as possible. Let her be miserable while you will be glowing and beautiful.
Besides you know she’ll be eating her heart out when she sees the beautiful event in your honor to the guy that clearly has no interest in her anymore!!!