Post # 1
I have a tiny predicament for my guest list.. There is this one cousin that I am close with and want to invite to our wedding. But, I am worried that I can’t just invite him without offending the rest of my cousins.. (Proper inviting etiquette).
A bit bit of background:
I have two families that are out of town, about 4 hours away. Both sets of aunt and uncles I am close with, so they are coming.. Those families are close and the kids (my cousins) hang out there too together occasionally. (So a family of 4 and a family of 5).
I have 5 cousins up there, but there is only one guy that I am close with that we hang out whenever I’m in town since we have more in common. The rest I don’t speak to often, or haven’t really even seen in a couple years.
So my challenge is if I invite the cousin I like, I technically have to invite his brothers too because it would be weird to not invite the whole family right? Then if I invite that family of 5, then they will probably talk to the other family up there.. Then the family of 4 would notice I only invited my aunt and uncle and not my cousins. (When the other cousins are going but they aren’t).
Then it seems to be a bit of a snowball effect.. From the way my family talks I should invite my other cousins so they don’t feel left out or think I am playing favorites. But again, some I haven’t seen in years because they are older and doing their own thing.
Right now I have it as aunts and uncles only, with the exception of one cousin because she is in the wedding party. I would love to invite some cousins, but not all.. But I also have to watch our guest list because it seems to be growing and shrinking..
I hope this makes sense.. What should I do? Forget about inviting the one cousin so this potential drama doesn’t happen? Would it be offensive if I only invite some but not all? Thanks!
Post # 3
This is a tricky one. Would you be able to contact those cousins and say “I’m putting together my guest list and I am wondering if you would like an invitation?”
Post # 4
To be honest, I think it’s an all or nothing deal. I know that’s not what you want to hear. But I think about if my brother were invited to one of our cousin’s weddings and I was not, I’d be very hurt.
I’m in the same boat with some family friends; I ended up inviting them to be polite.
Post # 5
I would agree with Gemstone.
I’ve discovered a lot of people coming to your wedding are people you “have” to invite. If they are family, you have to figure out a way to invite them. It’s all of your cousins or no cousins.
Post # 6
That sucks. It truly does. This does appear to be an all or nothing thing. Maybe they’ll do you a favor and not show up.
Post # 7
This is exactly how my guest list grew from the 40 that we wanted to the 106 that we never wanted!! The good thing is that those distant relatives that I’m really not that close to that would’ve needed to travel did not end up coming. If you can afford to invite them, it would be a nice gesture…. but do NOT feel like you are obligated to invite them just because of the one cousin. I’m just saying it would be nice to send an invitation but I don’t think you have to.
Post # 8
Thanks bees, you have confirmed my thoughts. I did think it was an all or nothing deal but kinda hoped there might be some way for it not to be 😉 That’s why creating the guest list is difficult, especially with family members. Politics come into play and you always have the chance of offending someone if you don’t invite everyone.
But when I talked to my Fiance about this, his attitude was “just invite the one cousin, screw everyone else. If they have a problem, they can talk to me about it” haha. I tried to explain to him it won’t quite work like that honey lol.
Gotta love it when the guest list explodes like that eh? That is true though that some might not show up if they can’t afford it, or make it since they are from out of town. What is kinda nice is that the majority if my aunts and uncles are not from around here 😛
Or I hate now when our families are gossiping/chatting about the wedding. Like on FI’s side, we were going to just do aunts and uncles too. But the cousins heard about it and they were really excited and were assuming they are coming.. Saying they are looking forward to it and were asking questions about it. They aren’t even on my list right now, but I will probably have to do some negotiating there with Future Mother-In-Law.. Bah..
Just the funny thing is that the good portion of my cousins that I hardly see, they have never even met my finance! The families have heard of him though I think haha. So that’s why its kinda annoying..