Post # 1
My dad’s brother “Steve” was a part of my life as a young child but then got into drugs and they had a falling out when I was about 8. They didn’t speak for 10 years. Steve was arrested and spent some time in jail, got out in 2008 and I have seen him a handful of times since then.
He mocks my political beliefs and spent a few Christmases being a total jerk to me before my father spoke to him and told him to behave. Now, he doesn’t speak to me or acknowledge me when he sees me, rather, he speaks to my fiance only.
My grandmother, the queen of guilt trips, already guilted me into inviting my uncle’s children, even though I have a no-children wedding. I DO NOT want to invite this man, who is obviously apathetic toward me. We are inviting about 150 people, and while I’m not really factoring the “per head” price into my invitations, I cringe at the thought of paying $70+ each for him and his wife to get drunk at my wedding.
Everyone says “do what makes you happy”, but it seems like a lose-lose either way.
SO, do I send no invitation, with no explanation?Have my father explain to his brother why he isn’t invited?Try to speak to my grandmother about this, even though I don’t think she will understand, and probably leave me in tears about it?Invite him anyway, try to ignore him, and just chalk it up to “family”?
Post # 3
The whole “do what makes you happy” is bull crap. I keep getting told that by various people and I run into the same kind of conflicts as you. I instead go by “do what makes you stress the least”. If I were you, I’d invite him, and just avoid him. With 150+ people, that will probably be possible. As for the expense, just ask yourself if spending $140+ is worth potentially feeling a lifetime of guilt from your grandmother.
Post # 4
I see where you’re coming from – I have a similar situation with a relative. I am having a small wedding – about 50 guests, so I am definitely not inviting any problem people because there is a higher risk of there being an issue. If I were having a bigger wedding then I may consider it, but honestly at the end of the day it is our wedding and no one is going to guilt me or manipulate me into changing my guest list. I am not a fan of inviting people just for the sake of inviting them. Its one of the most important days in my life and if I don’t really want you there then you’re not getting an invitation. Maybe thats harsh, but to each their own.
I have 3 stepsisters and I have had some issues with one of them so I’m not inviting her. I have not heard the end of this from my stepfather (who I’m extremely close to), but its my choice and she isn’t coming, period.
Post # 5
People always say “It’s your wedding.” and “Do whatever you want.” And then as soon as you make a decision they don’t like they lay on the guilt trip! If you avoid him at holidays, do you think you could avoid him at the wedding?