Post # 1
I want a small wedding (immediate family and close, longtime friends only) but he wants to invite some of his extended family (3 grandparents and 2 aunts).
I have a large extended family of 75+(aunts, uncles and cousins.) and I feel “all or nothing” is fair because they are all so close, and many of them live in the same area. All of my grandparents have passed away, otherwise I would invite them. I told FH that we can invite his grandparents, but not his aunts, because then our wedding becomes a reunion for his family with my parents and best friend thrown in (our 25-30 person guest list is mainly his family and friends). He doesn’t want to invite his grandparents without his aunts, but he keeps saying that it’s not fair to not invite his grandparents. I know it sounds mean but I don’t want his aunts there! I want our day to be spent with the people that are most important to both of us, and his aunts aren’t really on that list. It’s going to be a very personal and private day with so few people there, and it will be strange to have to share the day with these people who are mostly strangers to me.
Please help! FH just asked me to consider inviting his aunts because “it’s the only thing he cares about and everything else about the wedding is up to me” but he is taking part in the wedding more than he says he will
Post # 3
That’s a tricky one! My husband and I really struggled with this too, because I come from a huge family (dad’s immediate family alone comes to over 60 people), while my husband’s entire extended family is about 25.
Does he have any other aunts or uncles that aren’t getting invited? Is there a special reason he wants these aunts here, or are they just the only family members left?
If he still insists on inviting them, maybe sit down with him and say you’ll scrap the guest list entirely and start from scratch. You have 15 guests, and he can have 15 guests. If he really wants these aunts here, he can invite them instead of someone else.
Post # 4
We are also having a very small wedding (18 guests) of immediate family only–BUT we are inviting ONE of my 10 aunts, and her SO. I am positive people are going to get offended, but she has basically been like a second mother to me, so I really don’t care.
All that to say, is your Fiance particularly close to these aunts? I feel a little guilty, because I am inviting one aunt and Fiance isn’t inviting any extended family, but he doesn’t have any extended family that he is nearly as close to as I am to this aunt. If he is really close to them, I kind of think you should let him invite them.
Post # 5
He says he wants to invite them because they are the only family he has that cares about him. Basically, these are the people he sees at Christmas every year, but only at Christmas. He only recently started to talk about them like they are family. (Back story: his mother was an orphan and her parents now are the people that adopted her when she was little. FH used to say that they weren’t his real grandparents because they weren’t blood relatives. the aunts are his mother’s foster sisters. Her biological siblings are not invited)
I have a few aunts that I would like to invite but I’m not going to because I don’t want to hurt feelings by excluding everyone else, and I know if he invites his aunts my family will be upset and I don’t want that.
Post # 6
I don’t know….I think if he wants them there then it’s his wedding too and he should have the right to have his family invited. I know you said you don’t want it to be a family reunion for him with just a few of your side thrown in, but his family is soon-to-be your family too.