Post # 1
Well, I am being pushed into having a bridal shower on June 13th – amongst the COVID-19 questionability. My one demand is that I want to keep it very small. I expect between 10-15 women total. It will be just around 5 close friends, my mom, mother-in-law and some family members on his side she wants to invite. All my aunts (4) live far (NY & Texas – we are in Ohio) and I’m not sure if we should extend them invites even though it’s clear they will not be able to attend (though they are planning on attending the wedding in late August.) Is it rude to invite them?? Or is it rude not to?
Post # 2
I would just not invite them so they don’t feel pressured to come. June 13 seems pretty soon to have a bridal shower with coronavirus still so amped up. What state are you in?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t as a shower is specifically a gift-giving event – the whole purpose of the party is to shower you with gifts. In fact, typically they are small and local guests only. It wouldn’t be expected that people travel out of town for such a thing, even if there wasn’t a global pandemic restrictiving travel. So it has the potential to come off as “I know you can’t come to my party to give me gifts, but here’s an invitation anyway” with the potential implication that perhaps they mail you a gift since you extended the invite in the first place fully knowing they can’t attend.
Now do I think if you’re close to your family they’ll actually think that? Probably not. They’ll likely know your intention, but it’s that sort of sentiment that would make me shy away from inviting out-of-town guests to a shower (at least no farther away than someone could reasonably make for a daytrip by car without needing to spend the night).
Post # 4
We are in Ohio – things here have been very tight on lockdown! I haven’t seen anyone in AGES!! Our close family friend really wants to throw this show… I’m nervous about it. I at least got the list chipped way down.
Post # 5
I don’t think I’d invite them, and I don’t think they’ll be offended- especially with what’s going on right now.
Are you planning on moving forward with the shower even if the lockdown is still in place?
Post # 6
No! We already postponed our wedding from June 20th to August 29th. Canceled bachelorette party in March… and original shower in May. I think they just really want to do something to make things feel more hopeful again. If restrictions are still in place and risk is too high… we will cancel. Not worth it! But, the state is starting to lighten some restrictions. I trust their judgment. They have been very careful… and so have we all! Self-distancing and masks. Restrictions now don’t allow more than 10 people. This would, at most be a few people over that. If we even do it – ugh. I’m 32 and ready for a family… if things aren’t safe in time for the wedding in August we have already decided to elope. No more postponing. The magic of having a wedding just seems to be gone at that point.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t send them invites, given the current situation. Is your mom/dad close with them? If so, they could mention the shower and explain that you didn’t send invites because you didn’t want them to feel pressure and because of the fluid nature of covid-19. Hope your small celebration is special- I think showers are more fun with an intimate group anyways!
Post # 8
Thanks all, for your advice – I will not send them invites and just explain why we didn’t. I think you are right, the intention is NOT to guilt people or come off “gift grabby”. The intention IS to have a small gathering with my very close friends and family to try and get back into the wedding spirit after the past 45 days of quarantine (by then, we can add 43 additional days! For a total of nearly 90 days without seeing any of them and rescheduling everything.) I REALLY hope by then it will be considered safe enough to do it. This year has been so… special. Stay safe everyone!
Post # 9
I’d contact each person individually and say that you given the current climate, you value their health but would still like them to feel/be included. Maybe set up a video conference and have a family member share the opening of gifts or games.
Post # 10
“But, the state is starting to lighten some restrictions. I trust their judgment. They have been very careful… and so have we all! Self-distancing and masks.”
That’s a mistake. What you have to understand is that just as these restrictions were not entirely put in place to guarantee your individual safety or that of your loved ones, they won’t be loosened for that reason. Rather it’s about the eventual necessity of getting the economy going in some form, and avoiding an overload of crtitical equipment, personnel, and hospital beds.
As long as the virus is still circulating in significant numbers, and while there is still no cure or vaccine you’d be putting your friends and family, certainly your older relatives, at risk to have any optional party, large or small. Use your own judgment, not that of the state.
Post # 11
this really varies by family. I excluded my husband’s aunt that lives far away from my bridal and baby shower invite lists and apparently my friends were supposed to just send her the invite so she could see it and feel included even though she had no intention of attending. I didn’t include ANY out of state people on my invite lists but obviously this was a direct slight to her
Post # 12
My in laws were super offended that we didn’t invite them to our shower. They live in a foreign country where showers are not a thing, and they would have never been able to make it anyway, so DH thought there was no need to send an invite. WRONG. They felt hurt and excluded — clearly we fucked up.
So I would say it depends on your family dynamic, which is not something anyone on weddingbee can speak to. Some people would see a shower invite as a gift grab in this case, while others would see it as a friendly gesture of inclusion. Are your parents close to your aunts? If so I would get their take on it.
Post # 13
I agree and yet disagree. The way Ohio has been handling the response to COVID-19 has been applauded internationally. We got news today that the “stay at home order” is being extended until the end of the month (May). If we are successful and stay the course, they predict we will have very few cases by the end of this month. Many states are not handling it this responsibly, and by all means – people should think for themselves! This situation is incredibly fluid and in many ways, unknown territory. It’s easy enough to check the stats, case numbers, and so on to make a judgment call. But, I do believe our state specifically is afraid of opening up too soon. It is not allowing itself to be bullied into opening up and I or any of my friends and family are dumb enough not to listen to the professionals. However, this will end at some point!! People will leave their homes again at some point and it won’t be in 18 months, when a vaccine is finally released.
This gives a rough prediction on when states will safely be able to start gradually opening up again:
Post # 14
I had considered sending my aunts and sister in law who are out of state invites to be respectful, but since COVID I don’t want them to feel any sort of obligation. Despite knowing they wouldn’t have come previously, I think it may be an unwanted gesture. Plus I don’t want people to think they need to buy me gifts especially if they don’t come! I think it’s a nice thought, but not necessary.