Invite out of state aunts to bridal shower?

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I would just not invite them so they don’t feel pressured to come. June 13 seems pretty soon to have a bridal shower with coronavirus still so amped up. What state are you in?

Post # 3
4874 posts
Honey bee

I wouldn’t as a shower is specifically a gift-giving event – the whole purpose of the party is to shower you with gifts.  In fact, typically they are small and local guests only.  It wouldn’t be expected that people travel out of town for such a thing, even if there wasn’t a global pandemic restrictiving travel.  So it has the potential to come off as “I know you can’t come to my party to give me gifts, but here’s an invitation anyway” with the potential implication that perhaps they mail you a gift since you extended the invite in the first place fully knowing they can’t attend.

Now do I think if you’re close to your family they’ll actually think that?  Probably not.  They’ll likely know your intention, but it’s that sort of sentiment that would make me shy away from inviting out-of-town guests to a shower (at least no farther away than someone could reasonably make for a daytrip by car without needing to spend the night).

Post # 5
574 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
2020mkbride :  I don’t think I’d invite them, and I don’t think they’ll be offended- especially with what’s going on right now.

Are you planning on moving forward with the shower even if the lockdown is still in place?

Post # 7
9 posts

I wouldn’t send them invites, given the current situation. Is your mom/dad close with them? If so, they could mention the shower and explain that you didn’t send invites because you didn’t want them to feel pressure and because of the fluid nature of covid-19. Hope your small celebration is special- I think showers are more fun with an intimate group anyways!

Post # 9
2024 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d contact each person individually and say that you given the current climate, you value their health but would still like them to feel/be included. Maybe set up a video conference and have a family member share the opening of gifts or games.

Post # 10
13931 posts
Honey Beekeeper

“But, the state is starting to lighten some restrictions. I trust their judgment. They have been very careful… and so have we all! Self-distancing and masks.”

That’s a mistake. What you have to understand is that just as these restrictions were not entirely put in place to guarantee your individual safety or that of your loved ones, they won’t be loosened for that reason. Rather it’s about the eventual necessity of getting the economy going in some form, and avoiding an overload of crtitical equipment, personnel,  and hospital beds. 

As long as the virus is still circulating in significant numbers, and while there is still no cure or vaccine you’d be putting your friends and family, certainly your older relatives, at risk to have any optional party, large or small. Use your own judgment, not that of the state. 

Post # 11
9358 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
2020mkbride :  this really varies by family. I excluded my husband’s aunt that lives far away from my bridal and baby shower invite lists and apparently my friends were supposed to just send her the invite so she could see it and feel included even though she had no intention of attending. I didn’t include ANY out of state people on my invite lists but obviously this was a direct slight to her undecided

Post # 12
3018 posts
Sugar bee

My in laws were super offended that we didn’t invite them to our shower. They live in a foreign country where showers are not a thing, and they would have never been able to make it anyway, so DH thought there was no need to send an invite. WRONG. They felt hurt and excluded — clearly we fucked up.

So I would say it depends on your family dynamic, which is not something anyone on weddingbee can speak to. Some people would see a shower invite as a gift grab in this case, while others would see it as a friendly gesture of inclusion. Are your parents close to your aunts? If so I would get their take on it.

Post # 14
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I had considered sending my aunts and sister in law who are out of state invites to be respectful, but since COVID I don’t want them to feel any sort of obligation. Despite knowing they wouldn’t have come previously, I think it may be an unwanted gesture. Plus I don’t want people to think they need to buy me gifts especially if they don’t come! I think it’s a nice thought, but not necessary. 

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