Post # 1
I imagine this has already been posted so I apologize for duplicates but I wanted to write about my own situation as it is “unique” (though isn’t every situation?!)…
My parents are divorced and both are remarried…I hadn’t planned to invite any of my parents’ friends b/c our guest list is already huge. But my mom recently hinted that she’d like to invite some of her friends. I thought about it and some of her friends have been very supportive to me (sending graduation gifts over the years, supporting organizations I’m involved with) so I thought, ‘Well maybe I should…’ So then I thought I should ask my dad and stepmom if they have any friends they’d want to invite (to be fair). My stepmom said, “You shouldn’t feel obligated to invite anyone especially since the guestlist is already so big and you and your fiance are contributing to the wedding cost, too.”
That said, my dad is (amazingly and so nicely!) paying for about 50% of the overall cost. My mom is paying for about a fifth. And my fiance’s parents are probably paying about a fifth as well. My fiance and I are picking up the rest of the tab. I’ve thought to invite a mutual friend of both my parents so that way, everyone has someone there (at least on my side). But then I feel badly b/c it would leave out some of my mom’s friends who have been so nice to me and my mom has been invited to their kids’ weddings. But then would it be weird if my mom had all these friends and my dad didn’t? Even though I asked my dad and my stepmom and they seemed fine with not having friends there…
And my last question is, am I totally rude and inconsiderate if I go with my plan to invite just one of their mutual friends and leave it at that? That would then leave out my mom’s friends….
Post # 3
@Esquia82: Id invite the friends who have made it a point to participate in your life. You obviously dont have to but it is a nice gesture to your mother and to them. If your dad doesn’t have any friends who have been around and celebrated other milestones you dont have to feel bad about there being an imbalance. It is great he isn’t trying to just invite folks to invite them.
In the end all that matters is that you and your family enjoy this day with people who have watched you grow into the woman you are.
Post # 5
I would invite your mom’s friends. My dad paid for our wedding and they are divorced. That being said, I think my mom’s guest list was bigger than anyones, and my dad could barely fill his own table! If those people have been supportive to you, you should invite them. Plus your mom will love it!
Post # 6
I wouldn’t worry about the “even-ness” of the invites. Invite who has been supportive and important to you and your Fiance. We invited a lot of our parents’ friends. But they were people that I’d known since I was little, spent time with, and even went on vacations with.
Post # 7
It’s entirely up to you and what you can afford. I think it would be nice to invite those who supported you throughout the years. This is what Dear Fiance and I are doing and we’re paying 100%.
I’m inviting two of my moms friends: a woman who I used to babysit for and she was practically my friend as well and a woman who was in my mom’s bridal party and has been a family friend throughout the years.
My mom asked if she could invite a friend I met once, who she is now very close to and I said maybe. I think it’s now going to be a no.
DF’s mom is inviting a lot of friends who have supported Dear Fiance throughout the years. They are family friends and they have a small family. He only doesn’t know one couple but DF’s parents are very generous to us so we feel it’s fair.
If your dad and stepmom wouldn’t be mad, why not just add on a few people for your mom (if you can afford it) and not add on for your dad/stepmom.
Post # 8
@Esquia82: I’d also invite parents friends that have participated in your life in a positive manner.
Post # 9
Thanks all for the feedback! I did end up inviting some of their friends! I think it was a good decision 🙂
Post # 10
My dad/stepmom had several friends at my wedding, my mom was not given the option.
My dad payed for most the wedding. During planning I asked if there were any friends they’d like to invite. They assured me that no, we should just invite who we wanted. Then a couple of weeks later he came back with about 6-7 couples he’d like to invite. Most of them I’d known my whole life, only 1 couple I was like WTF? In the end it was fine.
I didn’t give my mom the option. She wasn’t paying for anything and isn’t that involved in my life. Plus she lives 4 states away, as do any of her friends, and I didn’t think they’d come. Plus, I don’t know any of them. DH’s parents did invite a few of their friends, but since they all had to travel I don’t remember if any of them came.