(Closed) Invite SO's of co-workers?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

If you invite your co-workers, but not their SO’s, it’s very likely that those who are engaged, or married, won’t come, either.  If I was invited to a co-worker’s wedding, but I had to be there as if I were single, though I was married, I would RSVP no, with my apologies.

Post # 4
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I think this is very tricky. If you invite one co-worker, you feel under pressure to invite a few more, and soon you’re inviting all of them. Then, if you give them +1s, you suddenly have an extra 50 guests! You need to be consistent, I think. Either explain that it will need to be like a “works do” with no +1s for collegues, due to number constraints, or invite the lot. If they have to travel for your wedding at all though, then I think they should get +1s. It’s one thing asking Phil from the office to nip on the train with the rest of the guys to go to a wedding, leave the missus at home, and come back on the last bus, or whatever, and quite another to ask Sally to leave her husband and 3 kids for 2 days to travel cross country.

Post # 5
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

My general rule of thumb is that it’s almost always tacky to invite people without a plus one – I know several etiquette sites will disagree. That said, the only exception is if they’ve only been dating a few months or something, in my books.

I would explain (ahead of time, before invitations go out) that you’re constrained for space but you would love for your co-workers to be there. Then, send out your invitations addressed solely to those people. They can make their own decision from there – if they’re very close to you, they may choose to come.

But, in the same situation, I’d likely just not invite the co-workers. It’s easier to avoid the whole situation.

Post # 6
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yeah, we’re having a similar problem with our co-workers. Fiance invites someone from one team, so then we need to invite the others! He got so excited with wedding stuff, he invited 15 people from work, some of whom he doesn’t even work with that much! Now we’re at the point where we aren’t including plus ones, and we’re handing out the invites at the office, rather than posting them. That way we can explain the situation to co-workers too and inviting them through work makes it more like a work event than a social get together for everyone.

There are some workers whose families/SOs are invited, but they’re from teams that fiance and I work in almost exclusively, and we spend a lot of time with them outside of work.

Post # 7
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

There is not a way to invite an engaged coworker but not her FH – not if you want to be polite and maintain a friendship.  How would YOU feel if you were invited to a wedding, but it was clear that your FH was not welcome?  I know I’d be pretty insulted.

I had a family member who was engaged to a real “piece of work” – I absolutely did NOT want that horrid womanat my wedding.  (She’s pretty awful to the entire family – I’m not the only one who didn’t want her there.)  In the end she was on the guest list, because the family member was too close to us to be left off, and there is not a way to invite half of a social unit.  The invited half of the couple would have every right to inquire as to whether I was aware of their relationship status and I’d be left looking like a real jerk. 🙁

If you can’t stand the thought of your coworker’s Fiance at your wedding, then your best course of action is to not invite any coworkers.

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