Post # 1
I am having a destination wedding and con not afford to invite everyone that I want to. My guest list is limited to only family, imidiate family (not even cousins, nieces or nephews), and that is even pushing our budget. We are also paying for everything ourselve with no help from either of our parents. With that being said, my sister (MOH) has asked for a list of people to invite to my shower. I have several family friends and close friends that I would like to invite to the shower to celebrate but can not invite to the weddig. I understand that etiquette says not to do this however, I feel like financial situation of our wedding makes things a bit different as I would invite all these people if I could. I do not care about gifts in fact I have also thought about not giving registry info so people will not bring gifts. Thank you all so much for help!
Post # 3
@2morrow: Your financial situation is very similar to everyone else’s — we can’t afford everything we would like. That doesn’t mean the rules change. If you can’t afford to host them at the wedding, you should not invite them to a shower. And since the whole purpose of a shower is gifts, it is silly to say “please come to the shower, but don’t worry about a gift.” It doesn’t make sense.
Post # 4
@2morrow: if they’re not invited to the wedding they shouldn’t be invited to a shower. If you want to celebrate with them have a BBQ after your Destination Wedding or something. It would come across very gift grabby to have a shower & not invite them to the wedding.
Post # 5
Yeah, you can’t invite them to a shower and not the wedding. You can have a reception at home after the Destination Wedding and invite them to that, though.
Post # 6
Not giving the registry information will not mean people aren’t to bring gifts. A shower is one of the only parties where bringing a gift is actually a requirement of attending. If someone can’t or won’t get a gift they should decline and invitation to the shower.
Your situation is not unique. Everyone has someone else they would like to have been able to invite to the wedding, whether that was the 30th or 2,000th guest. Who pays for the wedding doesn’t matter.
There is no polite way to tell somoene that you want them at a gift giving party, but that they aren’t good enough to make the final cut to the actual event.
That said, if you truly want to host some guests and celebrate you could certainly treat them to lunch for a bridal luncheon.
Post # 7
I would not recommend inviting them to the shower if they will not be invited to the wedding. You actually do not need to have a shower at all, if you prefer, but I would definitely invite anyone you do invite to the shower to the wedding as well.
Post # 8
if they are not invited to the wedding do not invite them to the shower.
Post # 9
@Daisy_Mae: “Your financial situation is very similar to everyone else’s — we can’t afford everything we would like. That doesn’t mean the rules change.”
100% agree. The rules of etiquette don’t change when it’s a destination wedding.
Post # 10
Your financial situation does not make it different – if anything, it should mean you’d be more understanding of other’s finances and why it’s super wrong to basically say, “Hey, we can’t afford to spend the extra money to invite you to our wedding, but please come spend money on a present for us anyways!” No way. And if you truly don’t care about gifts, you shouldn’t be having a shower anyways. The shower is a pre-wedding event with the purpose of showering the couple with gifts. I agree with the PP who said to have a BBQ or get-together after the wedding if you want to celebrate with these people.
Post # 11
Thank you all so much, I guess I will have to decide about having a reception after the wedding. I know I would never axpect an invititaion to a wedding because I was invited to a shower but I guess that’s what makes me different. Who knew there were so many rules!!! Thanks again for all your help:)
Post # 12
We had a destination wedding and an at home reception. Even then I didn’t want a shower because I knew not everyone could be invited to the wedding. I looked at the reception as a an awesome party to celebrate with our friends and family (and wear my dress again!) and asked for no gifts to be brought. In the end my cousin threw an amazing suprise shower and our friends still brought gifts to the reception. But I had no expectaion for either because I made the decision to get married in Disney World!
Post # 13
I think it just says the the shower-invited guest but not wedding-invited guest that “I want you to come to my shower to perhaps give me a gift but you’re not invited to the actual wedding” EVEN if that isn’t what you are saying. I would be very careful how you end up doing this. I would not invite anyone to the shower who isn’t already invited to the wedding.
Who knows, during your shower the guests may start chatting with one another about how excited they are to go to the destination wedding, and I can see that causing some problems.
Post # 14
If you don’t have a registry – it is an ettiquette approved way to say – bring me money.
I agree with all the PP’s, if they aren’t invited to celebrate then they shouldn’t be invited to the shower.
Post # 15
I’m having a destination wedding and some of the people coming to my shower are not coming to the destiantion wedding but in our case we are having a wedding ceremony here that they will attend with light refreshments and also a dinner at my house for all my friends who cant attend. I feel if you at least have a bbq or a celebration of some sort here it is then ok to invite them to your shower
Post # 16
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
@Daisy_Mae: +1, this exactly. It’s just one of the things you sacrifice when having a Destination Wedding