(Closed) Invite to Shower but not Wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

This is a turn off to alot of people – so personally for me, I wouldn’t be comfortable inviting people to the shower that were not invited to the wedding.

So this is a vote of “no” from me :/

Post # 4
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Generally, that’s regarded as “in poor taste”. A shower is to shower the bride with gifts, and it seems kind of off to ask someone to do that, and then not invite them to celebrate your marriage with you on your wedding day. Sorry.

Post # 5
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I was recently invited to a shower and I know that I won’t be invited to the wedding.  It felt like gift grabbing to me.  I won’t be going to the shower.

Post # 6
2711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You are right, it is against etiquette (and very rude) to invite someone to a shower and not the wedding.  Anyone who is invited to a pre-wedding party (engagement party, shower, bachelorette, etc) must be invited to the wedding.  To do otherwise is basically telling the guest that they are good enough to get you a gift but not good enough to actually come and watch you get married and celebrate your wedding.  That may not be the case (sounds like you just want to include everyone), but that’s the impression you’ll give. =/

People understand budgets and guest list restrictions and they know that you can’t invite everyone.  So don’t stress too much about leaving some people out!

Post # 7
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It’s probably not the best idea to invite people to the shower and not the wedding, since it will most likely lead to hurt feelings. If I was invited to a bridal shower, I’d assume I was invited to the wedding and then be hurt if I didn’t recieve an invitation. Plus, you’ll be setting yourself up to deal with the hassle/uncomfortable situtation of breaking the news to people who aren’t invited to the wedding.

You could try having a get together with the people who you couldn’t invite due to space that wasn’t a “shower” (before or after the wedding). Could you invite them to lunch, dinner & drinks, or some other low-key, no-gifts get together?

Post # 8
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

No, you can’t ask someone to a shower which is a gift giving event and then not invite them to your wedding. Also, you should cut your guest list, what if all 200 show up and you break fire code and they shut your wedding down? Talk ab a nightmare…

Post # 9
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

As I see it you have two major problems here…the first being that no, you cannot ask people to come bring you a gift to celebrate your wedding that they are not invited to, it is rude. The second problem though is the one I’d be more concerned about – you’re inviting 50 more people than your venue will allow?! What is the plan there, to just turn guests away at the door once you pass the 150 mark? To have your wedding stopped by the venue? To face a bunch of money in extra charges for guests you didn’t pay the venue for? I think your main priority needs to be making cuts to your guest list, if you don’t it could cause a lot of horrible problems on your wedding day.

Post # 10
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@ladybugs101:  i agree no!

its not the same thing but just for an example i was invited to a family friends baby shower and not invited to the baptism or the babys home coming party mind you our familys grew up together. it put a bad taste in my mouth about them. i was good enough to go and buy a gift but not good enough for the home coming?

i see them from time to time but i did not show up for anything they ever invited me to ever again and i never will! that is the last gift they will ever get out of me.

Post # 11
1866 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it is very rude to invite people to the shower or other wedding related events but not to the actual wedding.  I would be highly offended as a guest.

Post # 13
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The only way you can have a shower without inviting someone to the wedding would probably be colleagues from work and it is a work shower thrown by your colleagues because they are just being nice and they know they’re not invited to the wedding.

Post # 14
3266 posts
Sugar bee

@ladybugs101:  You should have a seat for every person that you invite.  If you invite someone the least you can provide them is a seat, snack and drinks.

You never know who will have back problems, will be wearing uncomfortable shoes, or just not feel up to standing for 4 hours. 

Invite however many people you can afford to host. 

Post # 15
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I had someone throw me an impromptu shower for my first wedding.  The only guests were people that knew my ex-FIL and they were not invited to the wedding.  I felt a little weird having them there but I knew nothing about the shower and wasn’t asked for a guest list. 

Plus, one girl used it as a time to announce her pregnancy (she’d been TTC for a while) well then the other 2 married women (only 5 women present including me) didn’t want her getting all the attention and announced their pregnancies….yep, the shower turned from a wedding shower to talking about babies shower. 

While it’s normally considered rude, these 3 women came to the shower 2 weeks before my wedding so they knew they weren’t invited. 

Post # 16
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s not considered proper etiquette, but beyond that (because I don’t always follow that), I feel like it’s a little rude.  Kind of like you’re saying you’re not close enough to make the A-list (the wedding guest list), but you made the B-list….oh, and can you bring me a gift, please? 😉

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