Post # 1
I am not sure on the etiquette here but I was just thinking about bridal showers (I am going to have to have some soon) and I didn’t know who you invite. Can you invite people to the bridal shower who are not invited to the wedding?
Our wedding venue can only hold 150 seated, we have 200 on our list. As is not everyone will have a seat (it won’t be a sit down dinner anyways, only appetizers) and we will practically be breaking fire code if everyone shows up. But there are other people who I wish I could have invited that maybe can celebrate with me at a shower. I hate to ask them to come to a shower and they feel obligated to bring a gift when I could not fit them in at my wedding.
But I have totally been invited to showers before, and brought gifts, when I was not invited to the wedding! Now looking back it seems that was not proper etiquette but maybe I am missing something…
Post # 3
This is a turn off to alot of people – so personally for me, I wouldn’t be comfortable inviting people to the shower that were not invited to the wedding.
So this is a vote of “no” from me :/
Post # 4
Generally, that’s regarded as “in poor taste”. A shower is to shower the bride with gifts, and it seems kind of off to ask someone to do that, and then not invite them to celebrate your marriage with you on your wedding day. Sorry.
Post # 5
I was recently invited to a shower and I know that I won’t be invited to the wedding. It felt like gift grabbing to me. I won’t be going to the shower.
Post # 6
You are right, it is against etiquette (and very rude) to invite someone to a shower and not the wedding. Anyone who is invited to a pre-wedding party (engagement party, shower, bachelorette, etc) must be invited to the wedding. To do otherwise is basically telling the guest that they are good enough to get you a gift but not good enough to actually come and watch you get married and celebrate your wedding. That may not be the case (sounds like you just want to include everyone), but that’s the impression you’ll give. =/
People understand budgets and guest list restrictions and they know that you can’t invite everyone. So don’t stress too much about leaving some people out!
Post # 7
It’s probably not the best idea to invite people to the shower and not the wedding, since it will most likely lead to hurt feelings. If I was invited to a bridal shower, I’d assume I was invited to the wedding and then be hurt if I didn’t recieve an invitation. Plus, you’ll be setting yourself up to deal with the hassle/uncomfortable situtation of breaking the news to people who aren’t invited to the wedding.
You could try having a get together with the people who you couldn’t invite due to space that wasn’t a “shower” (before or after the wedding). Could you invite them to lunch, dinner & drinks, or some other low-key, no-gifts get together?
Post # 8
No, you can’t ask someone to a shower which is a gift giving event and then not invite them to your wedding. Also, you should cut your guest list, what if all 200 show up and you break fire code and they shut your wedding down? Talk ab a nightmare…
Post # 9
As I see it you have two major problems here…the first being that no, you cannot ask people to come bring you a gift to celebrate your wedding that they are not invited to, it is rude. The second problem though is the one I’d be more concerned about – you’re inviting 50 more people than your venue will allow?! What is the plan there, to just turn guests away at the door once you pass the 150 mark? To have your wedding stopped by the venue? To face a bunch of money in extra charges for guests you didn’t pay the venue for? I think your main priority needs to be making cuts to your guest list, if you don’t it could cause a lot of horrible problems on your wedding day.
Post # 10
@ladybugs101: i agree no!
its not the same thing but just for an example i was invited to a family friends baby shower and not invited to the baptism or the babys home coming party mind you our familys grew up together. it put a bad taste in my mouth about them. i was good enough to go and buy a gift but not good enough for the home coming?
i see them from time to time but i did not show up for anything they ever invited me to ever again and i never will! that is the last gift they will ever get out of me.
Post # 11
I think it is very rude to invite people to the shower or other wedding related events but not to the actual wedding. I would be highly offended as a guest.
Post # 12
Thanks for the help. I do agree that I was offended by being invited to a shower but then not the wedding! Guess that makes invites to the showers easier, I already have a list to pick from.
And for the wedding. They can hold 200 but not everyone would have a seat, they have enough space for about 150 seated or up to 200 not everyone seated (mingling). I hate not everyone having a seat but we both have such huge families and this will be a big catholic wedding so it is hard to cut people out.
It will be appetizers only so that faciliates mingling I think. The last wedding I went to was mingling with half the number of seats. Friends stool in circles and family/older people sat. Seemed to work okay. Anyone have any experience with this?
Post # 13
The only way you can have a shower without inviting someone to the wedding would probably be colleagues from work and it is a work shower thrown by your colleagues because they are just being nice and they know they’re not invited to the wedding.
Post # 14
@ladybugs101: You should have a seat for every person that you invite. If you invite someone the least you can provide them is a seat, snack and drinks.
You never know who will have back problems, will be wearing uncomfortable shoes, or just not feel up to standing for 4 hours.
Invite however many people you can afford to host.
Post # 15
I had someone throw me an impromptu shower for my first wedding. The only guests were people that knew my ex-FIL and they were not invited to the wedding. I felt a little weird having them there but I knew nothing about the shower and wasn’t asked for a guest list.
Plus, one girl used it as a time to announce her pregnancy (she’d been TTC for a while) well then the other 2 married women (only 5 women present including me) didn’t want her getting all the attention and announced their pregnancies….yep, the shower turned from a wedding shower to talking about babies shower.
While it’s normally considered rude, these 3 women came to the shower 2 weeks before my wedding so they knew they weren’t invited.
Post # 16
It’s not considered proper etiquette, but beyond that (because I don’t always follow that), I feel like it’s a little rude. Kind of like you’re saying you’re not close enough to make the A-list (the wedding guest list), but you made the B-list….oh, and can you bring me a gift, please? 😉