(Closed) invite wording?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

i don’t know what other people will say, but i think that since all the parties involved (your father, fh’s father) know that they arent paying that much towards the wedding that it would be okay to honor your mom with the listing of part host…

maybe something like

[Mothers name]

invites you to share in the joy of…

Post # 4
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

in case it is missed, i will point out that i am from Australia, and perhaps we do it differently down here. i am having difficulties understanding what money has to do with who is hosting the wedding. do some people seriously calculate the proportions of who is contributing, and that the proportion of the individual financial contribution determines which names go on the invitations?

for our weddings, are we expected to forget that our parents have (for the most part, and i do realise that there are tragically dysfunctional exceptions) provided for us over many years, and that a wedding is an occasion that celebrates the beginnings of a new family, and by extension, honours the universal concept of ‘family’? are our invitations now meant to subtly (or not so subtly) convey where the money has come from?

My Fiance and i are paying for our wedding ourselves. we are financially secure, and our parents make significantly less money than us and are nearing retirement. they will be contributing: with love, support and practical help, as they have always done throughout our lives. i could not imagine how hurt they would be if we were to publicly announce (by excluding them from our invitations) that we have judged their wedding-worthiness solely on their ability to contribute financially to a one-day event.

If i have this wrong, please excuse me, and put it down to a cultural misunderstanding.

Post # 5
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

The wording on the wedding invitation is not to “honor” those or only those who contributed financially.  Your father can be a host witout buying his way in.   If you want to honor your parents on the invitation, then do both or do none – but don’t do just one (that could be very hurtful) and certainly not just because one contributed money and one didn’t.  That goes specifically against etiquette because it suggests that someone can just purchase the honor. 

 

ETA:  You can thank your mother in other ways, privately which I would suggest so as not to embarrass your father, or in a toast but don’t focus so much on the money, more on what she means to you, etc.  The money really should be the least of it.

Post # 6
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think I would just defer to your mom’s wishes.  It’s nice to make everyone feel good, but the reality of the situation is that she’s the one ponying up, so if someone has to feel slighted by the wording, it shouldn’t be her. 

But you did say that your dad isn’t able to contribute “monitarily” which suggests that he might be contributing in some other way.  If he’s doing DIY projects or negotiating with vendors or offering his yard as the venue or baking the cake, I don’t see any reason not to call him a host as well. Particularly if it’s clear he’s making a good faith effort to do what he can within his more limited means.

As for your FI’s dad, I’d totally leave him off the invite.  This last minute thing isn’t hosting, it’s making you plan a wedding and then giving you a gift to help pay it off.

Post # 7
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We honored both sets of parents even though my parents are paying for the whole thing.  We said “son of” then the parents names.  That way they knew who was paying but still got to put his parents on the invite.  His Dad didn’t contribute anything but a whole lotta stress but we wanted to keep in mind everyone who was getting an invite. 

Post # 9
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@espinaca: I agree.  I would ask you mom, and if she’s ok with sharing the credit, and so are you, I think it’s more straight forward to be able to go with “together with their parents” or something along those lines. 

Post # 10
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am having the same difficulty with invitation wording.  Wedding planning would be so much easier if nobody got divorced. 🙂

I was thinking about putting my dads name because he is helping but I think I will just put my groom and my name on the invites to keep it short and simple.  Were paying for most. I wont feel bad about not including MY parents because my gradmother raised me. 

If I include everyones name I might be expected to put my dads gfs name bc she is helping with the planning.  Her name is the same as my moms name.  CONFUSING.  also my grooms father is deseaced and has a different last name than is mom even though they were married. More confusing.

If you put your fiance’s deseased mother on the invite that would be a great idea but make sure you word it in a way that it doesnt look like she is still alive.  You also have to word it in a way that it doesnt seem like she is hosting the wedding.  Good luck with your invites.  I know it is hard.

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