Post # 1
Question #1: I don’t know WHERE or HOW to word “Black Tie Affair”? Do I put it on the invitation itself or on the Reception Card?!
Question #2: I don’t know WHERE or HOW to word “No children” without being rude? How did you write this in your invite?
I’m super confused.. I’ve been reading etiquette books/googling for more than an hour now and haven’t gotten anywhere.
Here’s some info about the wedding:
*It’s a 5pm mass.
*Venue is very classy.
*Wedding is overall traditional.
I feel that I need to write what the attire is. I’m very worried that my Dad’s side of the family is going to come dressed inappropriately. They are more like “just wear khakis” and Luly Pultzer kind of people. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just that.. it’s fine for a day wedding but not for a night wedding.
Then, I’m also worried because my Dad has over 10 siblings that we won’t be able to afford inviting children (as our venue does not give us an option for a children’s menu..they are the same $ as adults.. ridiculous but what can I do!). I added up my cousins, aunts and uncles children and it ends up to be around 30. At over 100/plate, there’s no way. I’ve spoken to some cousins and half were understandable and some (the ones who had like backyard weddings) were so upset at me. I was honest and said it’s more of a money issue than not wanting them there.
The only children going are the ring bearer (SIL/BM son) and flower girl (my cousin- who lives a mile away who is like a sister & has no siblings).
Thank you SO much for reading all of this.. it’s been overwhelming:(
Post # 3
@SunshineLovin: “It is considered socially incorrect to write, “no children please” on the invitation or any part of the wedding ensemble. “Black tie” does not traditionally appear on the invitation. If the event takes place after six o’clock, your guests should assume that it is a formal event. If you are concerned, however, you may write “Black tie” as a right footnote on your reception card. Note: the “B” in “Black tie” is capitalized, but not the ‘t’.”
Here you go!
Before you consider putting “black tie” on anything, make sure your wedding is, in fact, black tie. That means every man in a tuxedo and every woman in a floor length gown. It also has to do with the actual features of your wedding. You would have engraved invitations, more than 100 people in attendance, a live band, top-shelf liquor, a multiple-course plated dinner, white glove service, passed hors d’oeuvres, etc.
In other words, “black-tie” describes the entire event, and suggests that people dress appropriately.
Post # 4
Dress code is not normally mentioned on the invitation.
If you are not, in fact, expecting the men to wear tuxes, you can indicate Formal Reception on the reception card.
To address the child issue:
– address the invitations to the names of the people invited
-on the rsvp card indicate we have reserved ____ seats ( and write in the number- 1 or 2)
– at the bottom left of the invitation ” Adult reception to follow”
Post # 5
You put Black Tie in the lower right hand corner of the invitation.
You do not put NO CHILDREN anywher eon the invitation. You simply address the invitation to those who are invited. For example Mr. and Mrs. John Smith means those 2 are invited, Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and Family implies their children are invited.
Post # 6
One way to invite adults only is to only address the invitation for the people invited, ie Mr. & Mrs. John Smith vs The Smith Family. A co-worker of mine had in her invitation “Adult Only reception to follow.” It was not offensive but it probably wasn’t formal. You might also consider being very specific with your RSVP cards, for example:
Unable to attend___
Mr. Smith’s Meal: Chicken___ Beef___
Mrs. Smith’s meal: Chicken___ Beef___
As far as appropriate attire, I also do not want anyone showing up to my wedding in something casual. I mentioned it on our wedding website, but that is as far as I’ll go. I wouldn’t write it anywhere in the invite I’m just hoping people use manners/common sense.
Post # 7
I went to the link but couldn’t find the definition. Thanks so much though for your response!!
The only thing is we do not have a live band- we have a DJ.
We have 5 hours of deluxe open bar (Absolut, Tanqueray, Bacardi, Captain Morgan, Dewar’s, Jack Daniels, Canadian Club, Jose Cuervo, Domestic and Imported Beers, House Wines, and Non-alcoholic Beverages, Bulter passed hors D’Oeuvres, Champagne Toase, Plated 2 course meal, Wine Service with Dinner, Designer Fondant Cake.
Does that sound like black tie affair?!
Post # 8
It is acceptable to put “Black tie” on your wedding invites (it’s the only dress code that is – well maybe white tie, but I don’t know for sure). But as one PP said, if you indicate black tie, you should be having an actual black tie event.
ETA: Just saw your update OP, and even with the DJ, it sounds like a black tie event to me.
Post # 9
For the no children-I think I will just put the names of those who are invited on the RSVP and the # already written.. all the guests have to do is say yes or no.
Post # 10
A friend of mine wrote adult reception!
Post # 11
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
If you want to include the dress code info, you can because it’s black tie, which is critical information since many guests will need to rent tuxedos and purchase dresses. A lot fo people do not keep true black tie attire in their closets, so they do need to be informed. The correct way to do this is to put in a very unassuming font in one of the lower corners of the invitation the phrase “Black Tie”.
As for “no children,” follow addressing etiquette precisely. For me, that was enough. Not a single guest tried to being a child that was not listed on the envelope. If you are worried, though, you can say “Adult Reception to Follow.”
Post # 12
@SunshineLovin: No, the link was just the source for the quote above it. I’m not sure about your affair being black-tie actually – it’s a pretty strict definition and I’m sure I didn’t cover everything that it means.
Post # 13
we put “adult reception” on our reception card.
i know it’s bad etiquette to do that, but it was necessary with my crowd. it was mentioned 4 times between the reception card, the rsvp card, our save the date, and our wedding website. and some people still asked if (or assumed) they could bring their kids. i had one person write on the rsvp card, “i’m going to need 5 seats, instead of 3, so i can bring my kids.”
and as others have already said, you can mention the requested attire on the bottom of your rsvp card. that’s what we did too 🙂
Post # 14
@SunshineLovin: I’m sorry but the type of liquor you’re drinking or number of courses you have does not indicate Black tie or not. My wedding had all of these things and more, and was not considered Black tie.
Be very careful about using that wording. It means that many of your guests will have to go rent Tuxes and purchase gowns.
My guess is that it won’t help the situation with the clueless family members. If they wear kakhis to weddings, they just don’t get it. Adding “Black tie” to a wedding invite probably won’t help matters. YOu may end up with 50% of your guests in real Black tie, and the other 50% in kakhis…which will really piss off the first 50% who went and spent money on tux rentals.
Post # 15
@oneofthesethings: we are also considering a black tie wedding and have in the past attended several black tie functions (not just weddings) and I have never heard of any of these rules that you listed – black tie refers to the dress code only (tuxes for men and long evening gowns for women – the only qualification we have ever seen for black tie is that it should only be worn at events starting after 6pm or sundown in winter months – and it should indeed be included on the invitation (per Emily post anyway) – I agree that the tone of the wedding should fit a black tie request (no backyard bbqs or rustic barn weddings) 🙂 but there is no specific size that it must be – I’m sure the OP would have the best idea whether or not her wedding fits the overall idea of a black tie occasion
i do agree with some of the other posters though that if your family is more of a khakis type then maybe expecting them to rent tuxes and buy evening gowns is just asking to be disappointed – in addition if half of your guests show up appropriately attired while the other half does not you may have some upset guests when they realize they didn’t need to spend the extra money on tux rental and gonn purchases – it’s one of the things we are worried about with our wedding so just throwing it out there – whatever you decide good luck 🙂
Post # 16
I would hate to have to make it so obvious, but sadly, I think my guest wouldn’t get it otherwise.
Any suggestions on how to write the RSVP such that it is clear to the invitees that they and not their children are invited other than asking them to make a meal selection?