Post # 1
I have an issue ladies! My mother was willing to pay for half of the reception. We are hoping that my father pays the other half… doubtful, but we are hopeful. My Fiance and I are planning on having to pick up the balance and everything else. His parents are helping with the honeymoon. Everyone is helping pay towards our day.
My Fiance does not want wording saying ‘together, with our parents’ on the invite. He wants it to be us inviting since its our wedding. He feels that it is our wedding and we should be able to write what we want on them. I dont have a preference either way if those 3 words are on it or not. Fiance is adamant that they not be there. He said based on principal, she can keep her money if etiquette is that important on our invites. I told her what he said this morning and her response was that’s fine, I wont come! I said thats fine if thats how you feel.
I really dont know what to make of the situation. What’s your take on this? Opinions please…
Post # 3
This is really tricky…. I guess my impression is that if there are parents that are paying a significant portion (esp 50%) that etiquette dictates their names appear on the invitaiton, somewhere. I understand your FI’s stance that it is your wedding, and you should be able to do things the way you want them. However, I think that in the grand scheme of things, it’s 4 words. Should 4 words really be the focus of contention when there are 80 million other things in a wedding?
Post # 4
To be honest, if your mom is helping pay, it would be kind of rude to leave her off the invitation, unless you word it like “You are invited to” rather than “so and so invites you”. We’re doing it the first way, because we weren’t sure who (if anyone) was going to help us pay, and this is neutral. I don’t see any reason to make people feel bad, so if the Fiance insists on leaving off her name, I’d say leave yours off, also.
Post # 5
The “together with their parents” still goes in tiny print under your guys’ large names across the top.. I honestly don’t see why it’s a big deal to him. It’d be a different story if your guys’ parents were across the top, then I could see him wanting to change it. To me, it just acknowledges your parents as supporting the marriage, not necessarily that they are paying for it or inviting the guests.
Post # 6
I’m not sure why this is such a big deal. She’s paying for the wedding, so you should put her on the invite. Any reason that you’re Fiance is being so unreasonable about this? Not having your mom’s presence and financial help at your wedding doesn’t seem worth “winning” on such a trivial issue.
Post # 7
My friends are paying for their entire wedding, and included “together with their families”.
HOw come your Fiance is so against it?
Post # 8
I would push back and insist that it be included.
Post # 9
Your Fiance needs to grow up and acknowledge the contribution your mother is making toward your wedding.
Post # 10
but this is just it. She wont be paying for anything. Fiance told her to keep her money and that we did not want that wording on the invites. He said based on principal, he would not accept her help. So at this point she wouldn’t be helping and she said that she wouldn’t come to the wedding!
Post # 11
@TinaBina0729: I think you need to figure out why he is SO against her help and including her on the invite.
Your Fiance is in the wrong here and I can understand why your mom would be so hurt by this. It’s almost like he’s spitting in her face saying “If we have to acknowledge you gave us money, then we don’t want it. Your money isn’t good enough to deserve recognition.”
I think you need to have a long talk with your Fiance about this as well as with your mom. I’d be pretty hurt if I were her.
Post # 12
The ‘issue’ I see you having is that he has no problem having other people pay for ‘his wedding’ but he doesn’t want to acknowledge them on the invitations? If that’s how he feels, he should also have no problem in paying for everything himself and not accepting any handouts at all. Afterall…it IS his wedding!
Post # 13
It seems like an overreaction for your mother to threaten not to come based on the wedding invite wording. I agree w/ your Fiance that it’s your wedding and your invitation, but if your mother is helping financially it’s understandable for her to want to be acknowledged.
Post # 14
I’d probably ask my parents about it too. I know my parents wouldn’t care either way if we mention them on the invites (and they are paying for a significant portion of our wedding). I’d just check in with everyone to see how they’re feeling!
Post # 15
@TinaBina0729: Ok, I mean, I don’t think any of us are trying to pry, but there seems to be something else going on here. It might be helpful for you to share some of the context in your FI’s principles. Your Fiance and your Mom, like it or not, are going to have a common bond the rest of everyone’s lives. Do you really want to look back on this experience as is? Might it be in everyone’s best interest to sort out the issues ahead of time?
Post # 16
How about like …. brides name…daughter of so and so…and grooms name, son of so and so invite you to celebrate their wedding