(Closed) Invite wording makes me want to cry

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Which wording would you use?
    First (No Parents) : (11 votes)
    17 %
    Second (Just Mom) : (20 votes)
    30 %
    Third (Just Bride's Parents) : (10 votes)
    15 %
    Fourth (All Parents) : (19 votes)
    29 %
    Other : (6 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    360 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    To please your father I would do number three to avoid hurt feelings, HOWEVER I would talk about it with your mom first to make sure she is comfortable. I think it’s okay to break that kind of etiquette rule to spare the feelings of your dad as long as Mom won’t be hurt. If Mom says she’ll be hurt…dont put any parents names. 

    Don’t put fiance’s parents on there unless they are paying for the wedding. 

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    237 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I think if you’re going to put your dad and step-mom even though they’re not paying it’s nice to put his parents too. I don’t really get why invitations should have anything to do with who’s paying anyway–it’s nobody’s business where the money is coming from (yeah, I don’t put much stock in outdated etiquette). My Fiance and I had a pretty complicated family situation. My parents have been divorced for years and my dad is remarried, and FI’s parents are in the middle of a divorce right now, so even thought the families are splitting our expences we just put our names on the invitation. It seemed easier. Good luck with whatever you decide though! Maybe have your fiance ask his parents if they want to be on the invite? 

    Post # 5
    Member
    7738 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I voted #2. Or to be precise, whatever your mom wants. Mom pays, mom chooses.

    Post # 7
    Member
    83 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I agree with Peony526. If you wanted to include your father and stepmother in the invite, you might as well include your FI’s parents too. I didn’t follow that tradition in our invites. Both sets of our parents are contributing to the wedding and although in our culture, both parents’ typically get included in the invitation, we went ahead with “Together with their families …” . Less muddled that way imo

    My second choice would be the first option (the pleasure of your company is requested…) 

    Post # 8
    Member
    360 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I agree that it SHOULD be the person paying, because they are the host, and the invitation should be worded so it is coming from the host.

    That said, I think if this girl’s father is going to be truly hurt, and as long as Mom is okay with it, I think she should put his name on there as well. Many parents frame invitations and this could potentially be a thorn in his paw for a really long time! 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1877 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @luverly7:  Just mom, or just the bride and groom, as mom deserves credit for all she is doing for you.

    Post # 10
    Member
    11272 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @luverly7:  i would discuss these options with your mother as she is generously paying and you don’t want to offend her in any way.  perhaps she won’t care whose name appears.  if she wants to follow etiquette and show that she alone is hosting the wedding, do it.  speak to your father to let him know that you were merely following etiquette. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    I think you either go with just your mom or you go with all the parents. I was in a similar situation, though my dad contributed some–just no where near what my mom contributed–and so did FI’s parents (though again, not as much). We went with:

    Ms. My Mom

    Mr. My Dad

    request…

    son of Mr. and Mrs. His Parents

    Post # 12
    Member
    8487 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I would just go with “together with their families.” Nobody should be hurt/offended that way.

    Post # 13
    Member
    353 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I voted other. I am in almost the exact same situation, and I’ve pretty much decided to word it like this (though please, bees, let me know if it seems too strange!)

    The Smith, Doe and Jones Families

    request the pleasure of your company 

    at the marriage of their children

    Sarah Jane 

    and Benjamin Charles

    etc… In my case, there are just two family names (Doe and Jones; my mother kept her married name). I ran it by all 5 parents involved and they seemed pleased with it, so maybe this would work for you too!

    Post # 14
    Member
    4659 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    No parents. We didn’t even mention them haha. But then… our invites are pretty nontraditional looking.

    Post # 16
    Member
    8694 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    it is a little hokey but because your mom is paying 100%, her name should go on top only

    • Ms. Elizabeth Smith
    • requests the pleasure of your company
    • at the marriage of her daughter
    • Sarah Jane
    • daughter of Mr. and Mrs. John Doe
    • to 
    • Benjamin Charles
    • son of 
    • Mr. and Mrs. Michael Jones

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