(Closed) Invite Wording, MoB hosting

posted 4 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
2533 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I like option #3!!
PLUS, since you’re not getting hitched at a church, you’re technically not supposed to use “honour of your presence” for some reason, I am sure a bee will explain.

You could also mention your father sublty, as in

“Mrs. John Doe
requests the pleasure of your comapny…etc.”

This way, it is a slight nod to your father without the possibility of bringing up a sad memory on your wedding invite. It helps say “Hey, my dad is still a part of our lives!” without making it seem like he’ll be there somehow (though I am sure he would be there if he could be!)

FI’s father passed away quite some time ago, we didn’t mention him in our invites (WE are hosting), however we will mention him in our ceremony and our chair signs are a joke in his direction (they say “Mr & Mrs. Ugly”, which is what he called my fiance and all of his friends when they were teenagers)

Post # 4
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

If you are following etiquette, you would not list your father’s name on the invitation.  You can honor him during your ceremony or on the program.


The other bee is correct that the honor of your presence is only reserved for houses of worship. Since you’re getting married at a secular location, the correct etiquette would be to request the pleasure of your company.


The only invitation that indicates that your mother is hosting is the last one, but it does read as though your late father is inviting people to your wedding.


Post # 5
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Merlin29:  First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. My Fiance lost his mother in high school, and I know how weddings can bring up many complicated emotions.

You are right that option 3 is incorrect. Only the living can issue an invitation. It does not honor his memory to suggest that he will be hosting the party, and it will make your guests uncomfortable to see his name used in that way. I once received an invitation issued by the late Mr. Jones and it made me feel sad and a little creeped out.

Can you find another way to honor your father at the wedding? Perhaps you could have a moment of silence at the ceremony, serve a food or drink that he liked, use a favorite flower in the arrangements, set up a table at the reception with family photos, or leave a bouquet at his grave.

Post # 6
12003 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I like @CakeyP:‘s suggestion of Mrs John Doe – that way your dad is sort of mentioned and then in the program and during the ceremony you can further honour him.

Post # 8
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Merlin29:  “I like the idea of the minute silence at the wedding during the ceremony. Would that be weird / morbid?”

Our officiant suggested it as an option. She gave a couple options for phrasing, which I can find for you (your officiant might have ideas as well). She did say that she prefers to recognize everyone who is not able to be with us today instead of singling out one person by name, because the latter tends to bring people down.
I think the key is just to keep in mind that your wedding is a joyous occasion. It is bittersweet of course because your dad can’t be there, but I am sure he would not want your wedding to be overshadowed by sadness.

Post # 10
12003 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014


What about

Mrs Jane Doe invites you to celebrate the wedding of

Julie Doe

daughter of the late John Doe


Jimmy smith…..


Honestly, having ‘the late…’ anywhere on the wedding invitation with your mom specificially wanting it to be clear that she is doing the inviting makes it awkward.


The best would be


you are invited to the wedding of

Julie Doe

daughter of Jane and the late John Doe (and even that sounds awkward)


Does Emily Post have anything to say about this?

Post # 12
5176 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Merlin29:  My mother passed away so I know when I get to invites I am going to have to figure this out as well….

I don’t like Option #3, because it sounds like he is inviting guests, and unfortunately, he has passed away so that is not possible.

I think #1 or #2 are fine. I also think not including him on the invite and honoring him during the ceremony or in the program are fine also. 

Good luck! I know how frustrating this can be when you have a deceased parent that you want to acknowledge.

Post # 13
1635 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Merlin29:  I’ve been Pinning ceremony programs and I have noticed qyitw a few have an In Memoriam part. Also you can set a candle with a sign on a table guests have to pass before taking their seats.

I like the last one you posted “wife of”

Post # 15
2533 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Merlin29:  I don’t think your new idea is too bad. I would make it “her” daughter so that it’s clear there is no plural hosts. I don’t know how many people know your father is not around any longer, and I really don’t want you to put yourself in a place where one of your FI’s relatives asks where your dad is. (My parents are divorced, and for a while I thought I would have my mom walk me down the aisle, but I was DREADING the questions I usually get about where my father is.)

I think I would put “wife of” on a seperate line (I assume you’re planing on centering your text?), so:

Mrs. Jane Doe
wife of the late John Doe
requests the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of her daughter

I know it’s not ettiquite, and I know that the internet seems to want to tell you don’t do it, but you do what you have to do to make yourself feel happy!!


Post # 16
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Fourth Presbyterian Church, Chicago, IL & Cheney Mansion, Oak Park, IL

@Merlin29:  I liked your last option. We ended up not using names because Shamrock wouldn’t do “the late” and I refused to put his father’s name on the invitation and have my family ask where he was. I think @CakeyP‘s suggestion was good.

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