Post # 1
I am taking my mom to see the invitations I have selected and work on wording, fonts and such. The problem is with the wording…
My Mom and Step-father (SF) are paying for the majority of the wedding with my Dad and Step-mom contributing about 10% (my Dad makes and has more money than anyone involved) and my In-laws paying for traditional items such as, brides bouquet, grooms boutonnieres and the officiate fee. We are very very grateful for all the help we are receiving and consequently are paying for very little ourselves.
Ok, a short back-story…My parents divorced when I was 2 and are both remarried. Both have been with their new spouses for about 20 years! I always lived with my Mom and Step-dad. I love my Dad dearly and we are close but my b/c I lived with my SF he knows more about me, who my friends are what my favorite cereal is, everyday stuff.
My Dad feels that I should be able to pay for the whole wedding with what he is contributing, does not support the amount we are spending (which is about average for my area) and I think feels upset that my SF is pretty much paying for my wedding. My Dad has threatened my Mom with not coming and has told me that I should just walk and dance with my SF since he is the one paying. I told him that I didn’t care what money he gave me that it was important to me for him to be involved. I am having both men walk me down the aisle, my FH and I are doing the welcome speech (as to not upset anyone) and I will be dancing with only my Dad. I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells to make everyone feel happy! I love my SF and want him to be involved to but how can when it obviously hurts my Dad so much…oh but that is another post.
Now for the problem…Who do I list as hosting the wedding on the invites? My SF is humble and does not want or care if his name is on the invite however, my Mom does. I think she mainly wants her name on there so she can let everyone know how much better she is than my Dad. Even after being divorced for 23 years my parents still do not get along and it is clearly my Mom’s fault.
If I do list both sets of my parents should I list my In-laws too? What set of parents come first my Dad or my Mom? Either way someone will be unhappy! Three sets of name plus ours is a little extreme, will it make my invite look crowded? I want to just word the invite as couple along with their parents as to not hurt anyone’s feelings but my mom is pitching a fit.
Post # 3
You could take a graphic cue from some cultural invitation styles. Some cultures, including Filipino and Cambodian, create two columns of names on the invitations. You could center your name, then on the next line put "Daughter of" and list one set of parents on the right and the other on the left.
Post # 4
Hi, we had the same issue with my parents. So what I did was sent them three different options and let them choose what they felt comfortable with. In my case it was my mom and my dad and step mom.
They chose to put my mom first and then them. So our wording looked like this
Ms. Mom and Mr. and Mrs. Dad request….
Post # 5
I ran into a similar problem, but my parents are paying equal. I decided to follow etiquette and listed it as follows:
Mr. and Mrs. Stepfather and Mom Lastname
Request the honor…
Mr. and Mrs. Groom
I wanted my dad listed first, but everywhere I looked, the mother is always listed first. I told my dad if he could find it somewhere that the dad is listed first I would go with it. I just wanted rules to follow so that I didn’t have to make the decision. And I put my return address and am having the RSVP’s sent to me, so it is fair to both of them.
And of course, people will say that the invite is not the place for letting people know who pays for what, but I agree parents can easily be upset.
And lastly their is always: together with our parents… and then you avoid it all.
Hope that helps!
Post # 6
Agreed with pp – "Together with their parents…" sounds like the best option at this point.
Post # 7
How about a super simple "Please join us in celebrating our wedding – John doe and Jane smith, 1.1. 2009" etc.
I know it’s not the most formal, but it’s really about celebrating the wedding and not who’s-against-whom… And it’ll focus on you rather than which parent is more prominently figured.
Post # 8
We’re paying for most of it ourselves, but all parents are contributing some. To keep it simple, we’re using "together with their parents" for our invite text. It is also easier to work from a design standpoint – less text. 🙂
Post # 9
I agree with "together with their parents" We said "together with their families" so that’s another option. Keep it simple!
Post # 10
Together with their parents – or families – is a nice option, and sometimes the only reasonable option if people get up in arms about it. You could also put one set of parents as hosting the actual wedding, the other (probably the ones who are paying more) as hosting the reception – easy if you have a separate reception card. In that case you would say:
Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Dad
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of his daughter…
And on a separate reception card:
Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Stepdad
request the pleasure of your company
for a dinner reception… (place and time) or
immediately following the ceremony…
In the case of a 90/10 split on cost, this would seem quite fair to me.
Post # 11
Similar issue but with slightly less animosity: All the parents are contributing a wee bit and we’re paying for most. We want the invitation to reflect that this was a family affair that everyone contributed to. I origianlly wanted to go with "together with their parents," but considering that our families are not familiar with many of our friends and vice versa we thought it might be helpful to tip folks off to the family situation So we’re doing:
Together with their parents,
Mr & Mrs. Dad
Mr & Mrs. In-Laws
MizK & MrK
request the pleasure of your company…
Post # 12
I am in a similar situation in so far as my mom & stepfather and dad & stepmother will all be contributing, as well as my FH and I. I am kind of traditional in very few regards but invitation wording is one. I will be opting for something along the lines of:
Mr. and Mrs. Stepfather & Mom
Mr. and Mrs. Dad & Stepmother
to open the invitation and opting out of "together with their families." Then I will list our names, but I am opting not to include my FH’s parents’ names (as in "son of Mr & Mrs. Groom’s Parents) as they are not contributing money, creativity, or manpower hours and therefore it seems like it would be taking away from what my parents are contributing in money and effort to include them on the invitation.
Post # 13
If your SF truly doesn’t care about his name (what a nice man), why don’t say…
Together with their Families…
Bride to Be
Groom to be
invite you to come party at the wedding her SF paid for and isn’t getting enough credit for because he’s a nice guy. 🙂
Ok, maybe not that exact wording, but I like the "together with their families" line.