(Closed) Invite wording with a deceased parent

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Does this wording sound ok?
    yes - sounds pretty good : (12 votes)
    67 %
    no - doesn't sound good at all : (6 votes)
    33 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3078 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I struggled with this myself.  I ended up leaving all parent’s names off of the invites.  I think what you wrote sounds good though.

    Post # 4
    Member
    7901 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    This is the etiquette advice on theKnot. Take it for what it’s worth.

    Q.

    My father died a few years ago, and I was wondering how to word my invitations. Do I incude his name as well as my mother’s?

    A.

     

    Parents who have passed away are not included by name on invitations. Even though this may seem cold, there’s a logical explanation: The invite is issued by the hosts of the party. But you can and should remember your dad on your wedding day. Have his favorite poem read at the ceremony, play his favorite song, light a candle for him, say a few words about how you wish he were there, or write a tribute for your program. Any of these (or a combination) is a wonderful gesture.

    I personally think I agree. I think there are better ways that are sweeter and more senitmental and less impersonal to honor your father. One of my best friends lost her father when she was 10 or 11 and his death is still a very emotional thing for her. Her invitations were issued by just her mother, but a rose was on the altar at the church were she and her husbnad married and the program had a statement about the rose and her father. Her mother gave a toast and mentioned her father at the reception as well, and they had the cake table decorated with engagment shots and family wedding photos, one of which was of her parents.

    If you still want to include him on the invitation, I prefer this option given by Martha:

    It’s not traditional to include a deceased parent, but many people feel strongly about doing so. This wording should make it clear that the deceased parent is not issuing the invitation. (Courtesy titles would be awkward and are omitted.)

    The pleasure of your company is requested
    at the marriage of
    Elizabeth Marie Williams
    daughter of John Williams and the late Jane Williams
    to
    Douglas Arthur Sawyer

    Post # 5
    Member
    195 posts
    Blushing bee

    My dad passed away when I was younger.  We would not include his name on the invitation as he clearly is not hosting the party, but we will do a toast at the reception.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3885 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would not include the late parent’s name on the invite. It’s been six years since your father passed, and while no one doubts that he is still a very important part of your life, it gives the impression that you are not over it yet, or that you’re trying to play the sympathy card— not in any way saying that is what is going on. Just saying how it looks to the outside observer. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    9954 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    TO – ohsosweet21:  First and foremost… I am sorry for your loss.  It is sad for sure to have to go thru your Wedding Day without your Dad, and I for one think it is great you are choosing to find ways to remember him on your big day.

    Now the modern thinking is there is no reason to include a Deceased Parent (idea being WHY bring up unhappy thoughts)… but I am an old-fashioned gal, so I much prefer Emily Post’s thinking any day over Martha *Whats-her-name*

    (NOTE – Emily was a classy lady, she NEVER did any jail time !!)

    TRUTHFULLY… the choice is yours to make as the Bride (and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise)

    So without further ado, here is the take from the Post Institute, and Peggy Post from her book *Wedding Etiquette*

    OPTION ONE – Issued by the Living Parent Only

    Mrs. Daniel Watson Driskill

    requests the honor of your presence

    at the marriage of her daughter

    Susan Patricia

    to

    Mr. Drew Randolph Donney

    etc…

    OR

    OPTION TWO – Recognizing the Late Parent

    NOTE – There are circumstances, however, when the Bride very much wants to include the name of the deceased Parent.  This is acceptable, as long as the Invite doesn’t appear to be issued by the Deceased person.  In other words don’t word the Invite so that it reads… “the late William Tierney requests the honour of…”

    Diane June Tierney

    daughter of Mary Ann Tierney and the late William Tierney

    and

    James Thomas Duffy

    son of Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence David Duffy

    request the honour of your presence

    at their marriage

    Saturday, the fifth of October

    two thousand and twelve

    at seven o’clock

    First Lutheran Church

    Kansas City, Missouri

    R.S.V.P.

    * NOTE – Capitalization is as it should appear etc.

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @ohsosweet21:  both of our fathers have passed and we hosted the wedding – so we did something like:

    Bride’s FirstName MiddleName LastName

    daughter of Mom’s FirstName and the late Dad’s FirstName LastName

    and 

    Groom’s FirstName MiddleName LastName

    son of Mom’s FirstName and the late Dad’s FirstName LastName

    request the honor of your presence…. 

    But, based on your initial wording, I’m assuming your mom is hosting the event and you want that to be known – right?  

    ETA:  I like where you are going with your wording… but for some reason, I’m not liking the ‘on behalf of’ phrasing…  I can’t think of any other option with the hosting challenge. … I’ll keep brainstorming!  If it’s not important to your mother for people to know she’s the host – then I’d definitely change it to:  daughter of the Joan and the late Kenneth Blank (under your name).  OR – you could just list your mom twice – that actually might work – ie:

    Mrs. Joan Blank

    requests the honor of your presence

    at the marriage of

    Brides Name

    daughter of Joan and the late Kenneth Blank….

    and

    ……

     

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @ohsosweet21:  I understand wanting to put your dad’s name on the invite – it was really important to me – and was appreciated my mom as well.  Did you like that last version I suggested (the one where your mom’s name is twice) – that’s actually my favorite way to do it (since it’s clear your mom is throwing the party and still honors your dad).

    Post # 11
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @ohsosweet21:  the recent wedding I was invited too was  like this

    Mrs Jane smith and the late Mr John smith… request the honor of your presence..

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    7901 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    @This Time Round:  Am I misreading or is Emily Post’s advice actually the exact same as Martha Stewart’s?

    Post # 14
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @ohsosweet21:  were you able to come up with something?

    The topic ‘Invite wording with a deceased parent’ is closed to new replies.

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