(Closed) invite wording…major dilemma!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Does your dad know that your FI’s parents aren’t pitching in? If not, then I would say it would be rude to not have them included and you don’t have space on the invite to include all their names.

I totally understand because I got a lot of grief from my parents on various parts of my invitation. Eventually, i realized I needed to stop asking their opinion/approval and just do what I wanted to/thought was right. In other words, I needed to shove all those cooks out of my kitchen!

Post # 4
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Traditionally, this is the wording that shows the bride’s family is paying…but also acknowledges the grooms parents (who aren’t paying)…”Together With Their Families” implies that you and the groom, your parents, and his parents are all paying for the wedding….hope this helps!  

Mr. and Mrs. [Bride’s father’s first name + your surname]

request the honor of your presence

at the [Nuptial Mass/wedding] uniting their daughter

[Bride’s first and middle names]

and

[Groom’s first and middle names]

son of Mr. and Mrs. [Groom’s father’s first name + his surname]

Post # 6
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@nixietink:  Could you tell a little white lie & say “sorry dad, the invitations are already in the process of being made.. we can’t change it now.” Are your parents paying for the invitations?

I also wanted it to say “Together with our familes etc” and my dad commented it should say the traditional “Mr YourDad and YourMom invite you etc” It wasn’t a big deal for me to change it, so I did to make him happy.. and my parents are paying for about 80% of the wedding, so I figured I owed them at least that. Fiance parents are hardly helping, and we aren’t very close with them.. so we didn’t mention them in the invitation at all. 

Good luck with whatever you do.. but at the end of the day it’s YOUR wedding, no matter who’s paying.. they should be how you want them to be.

Post # 7
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If your Future In-Laws aren’t pitching in, I would not include their names.

Mr. and Mrs. (parents)

request the pleasure of your company

at the wedding of their daughter,

Nixietink

to

Mr. Nixietink

(at this point, if you want to include his parents, you can say “son or Mr. and Mrs..” but definitely not required!)

Post # 8
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

@nixietink:  Actually, etiquette does not require that your parents’ names be on the invitation, and etiquette is appalled by the notion that your invitations should advertise who is paying for what. Polite people always keep their financial affairs private.

The name that goes at the top of the invitation is that of the  hostess –and her husband, if she has one. The hostess is the person who takes all personal responsibility for the comfort, safety, and entertainment of the guests under her (usually rented) roof. Her decisions include things like choosing the menu, the venue, the decor, and the wording of the invitations; her responsibilities include making the arrangements with vendors and ensuring that they will be paid, but she can quietly arrange for others to make the actual payments — with a very big private thank you to the payer — or she can pay with money that she has received as a gift.

So, here is the question: did your dad offer to host the wedding? If so, the decision is his, and so are any cost overruns, and the hair of dealing with vendors, and the decision about the style. Not the decisions about your dress or your wedding party’s clothes: adults can choose how to dress themselves andaway for their own dressing. Not the cost of the officiant and the fee for the ceremony venue — that part is not actually whatis being hosted. When those costs are removed, is Dad perhaps covering the whole party? If so, it is his say-so, and he is quite right to claim the role of host, but he needs to belly up to the bar (or his wife does) and start taking on the primaresponsibilities of a host as well as just paying.

Alas, wedding arrangements are usually a mishmash of unclear roles. Maybe your Dad offered to host thewedding on the condition that you would do the running-around and chip in half the costs. In that case he’s still the host, and he still has the final say. Or maybe he offered you a gift of money conditional on having the privilege of meddling in your arrangements and getting the credit even though all the responsibly is still yours. In that case, you can decide whether to fulfill the conditions and get the gift, or not fulfill the conditions and find the money elsewhere.

Assuming that you want to fulfill the conditions of the gift and keep your fun upbeat invitation, change the wording to:

Mr and Mrs Dad Wantsthecredit request your presence as

Nixietink and Mr Nixtink

Invite you to share in the joy 

Of their wedding day

You might have to reduce the font size a little on the first line to squeeze in the extra words, but that just helps to downplay Dad’s self aggrandizement and intentional exclusion of your in-laws.

Post # 9
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

What about something like:

Together with their families,

Bride’s Dad and Bride’s Mom & Grooms Dad & Groom’s Mom

Invite you to share in the joy (which is written in a banner)

Of their children

Nixietink and mr. Nixietink

On their wedding day

 
ETA: if your FIL’s are paying for even a little of the wedding, I agree that either all names or no names should be on the invitation. 

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