(Closed) Invited by the Groom's Mother, NOT the Couple

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I accept the wedding invitation?
    Yes! You are close to their family, you know the couple getting married, and you want to be there. : (28 votes)
    54 %
    No; the couple should invite someone of their choosing, not someone the mom invited. : (9 votes)
    17 %
    Talk to your friend and get her read on the situation before you accept or decline. : (15 votes)
    29 %
  • Post # 3
    3885 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It’s a tough call but if you have been invited and would actually like to go, I’d go.  For all you know, the mother is paying for everything and has more than enough room for you; you’re an actual desired guest and not an “obligation guest.”  

    I think flirting for a few months, years ago, really shouldn’t have any bearing on your decision. 

    I also think any conversation you’d have with your friend would have too much potential for misunderstanding to risk asking outright, and anyway if your friend has good manners, she wouldn’t come out and tell you that they’d rather give your space to someone else anyway.

    Post # 4
    933 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    How considerate of you. This has happened to me twice and I never even thought to question it!

    Post # 5
    790 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I don’t think you should second guess whether you’re really wanted or whether you took someone else’s spot. You were invited and you’d like to go. What if the size of the guest list is not an issue for the family, you decline, and then they just think that you didn’t want to go (when you actually do)? You said you’re very close to the family – go and celebrate this milestone with them!

    Edit: You can certainly ask your friend’s opinion, but I’d be surprised if she told you that you aren’t really wanted!

    Post # 7
    908 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Absolutely you should go! I think there are usually a few of these invitations that go out — a few of my brothers friends are invited to my pretty small wedding because they really are family friends, even though I’m not personally super close to them. 

    Post # 8
    136 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I kind of disagree with the other people. I don’t think you should go because of the fact that you did not get an actual invitation. I’m having a problem right now with my future mother in law who is going around inviting all of her friends when me or my fiance haven’t even met the majority of them. These people will not be getting invites to the wedding. We are on a tight budget and I would rather have someone I’m close to than my future mother in laws friends.  Your situation is different because you do know the people getting married really well. I would not just show up to the wedding because the mom invited you. I would speak to the bride or groom and bring it up that you got a verbal invitation but not one in the mail. What if they’re on a tight budget or have a seating chart? Talk to them first.

    Post # 10
    136 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @MadameX:  Oh I missed that part. If you’re getting an official one I say heck yeah go to that thing! It seems like you really want to go and his mother really wants you there. I don’t see anything wrong with you going. I look at it as you were on the mothers guest list so you should not feel bad at all.

    My Future Mother-In-Law is just telling people when and where and asking them to show up to my wedding. No bueno.

    Post # 11
    4930 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    Since you’re getting an actual invite, I’d RSVP yes. There’s no sense in RSVPing no unless you really want to or can’t attend. 

    Post # 13
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think you should definitely go! You’re invited & you want to go. Dealing with guest list issues is up to the B&G and anyone paying…if you make the cut, no need to feel guilty! If they’re bumping people to make room for you, that’s really something they should be addressing with their parents. 

    Post # 14
    650 posts
    Busy bee

    Since you are getting an actual invite I would go. I am sure if he had a problem with it that the groom would have mentioned something to his mom.

    It should be fine . I would go.

    Post # 15
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I would talk to the groom. And if you’re not comfortable talking to him about it, then you probably shouldn’t be at his wedding. It’s a celebration of his life with his new wife, not a family reunion.

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