(Closed) Invited or not invited? So confused!

posted 9 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Have you mom call your aunt (the grooms mom) and ask.  Just have her say, "Lovespearls got her invite and it didn’t include her FI- we just want to make sure that it wasn’t an error to exclude him.  She’s planning and understands the need to limit guest lists and we’re all excited to attend either way.  We just didn’t want her Fiance to miss out if it was accidental."

Post # 4
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I say just call him. Its an honest question and the easiest way to get the answer. I am assuming you are planning to go to the wedding, cause if not, it wouldn’t matter. The worst that will happen is he will say no. If it is a capacity issue, maybe they will let you know after some rsvps come in. 

Post # 5
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Definitely have your mom call. I just sent out my invites and realized I had left off a couple of peoples’ *husbands* because my mom, who provided the list to me, didn’t think it was necessary to invite them. Big oops.

Post # 6
Member
14 posts
Newbee

I say DON’T call.  If they wanted to invite your fiance, they would have added his name.  If they weren’t sure of his name, but wanted to include him, they would have put ‘and guest’.  You already have your answer – if he isn’t on the invitation – he isn’t invited.

Most probably they have had to make some cuts on their guest list, and decided to invite their cousin that they are not very close to, but not her fiance.  Asking about it will most probably just annoy them. 

 

Post # 7
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Again, I vote for call.

I am a huge believer that 99 percent of disagreements or issues can be prevented when communication is factored into the equation.

Either way, I’d attend though if your schedule allows.  Again, it could be as Rosy said an "oops..we thought you knew he was invited" or else it might be a budgeting constraint.   

Post # 8
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Did your brother get a guest?

I’d vote for have your mom call the cousin’s parent to get the scoop. Especially with family and cousins — in my case, I haven’t seen many cousins since we were kids but still want them at my wedding — it’s best to bring it up rather than wonder, get annoyed, or assume the worst. There’s no harm in asking and you’re recognizing the etiquette of the names on the invitations.

Post # 9
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m with LondonSpring on this one.  Do you even want to go?  If you’re not close with this cousin, and don’t want to attend without your fiance, just skip it.  If anyone asks, say you’re trying to save your vacation days from work for your honeymoon or something.  Definitely don’t make the bride/groom feel bad that they couldn’t invite your fiance.

Post # 10
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m gonna have to go with LondonSpring on this one and vote for don’t call. You mention that they seem to know ettiquete and coupled with the fact that you’re not that close it seems like they intentionally left him off. I’m also assuming they know you’re getting married so they can’t be thinking that you broke up or it’s just a casual relationship so most likely it’s a size or budget constraint. Even if you or your mom calls your aunt she will probably tell your cousin you called and were confused which might annoy him or make him feel guilty about it. 

Post # 11
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t call – it sounds like they made the cut intentionally and it only makes it more awkward when you confront them and they say "um no he wasn’t invited, hence his name was not on the invitation".  If the cousin is not close to you, then the cousin is definitely not close to Fiance so I don’t think the cousin "forgot" to include your Fiance.

Post # 12
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

As a matter of fact, I just had this problem myself.  My cousin (same boat as you with the relationship element) got married on March 28.  He sent me an invitation but it just said my name only on the invite.  I got engaged in December.  He did not have my FH name on it.  I just basically decided that I wouldn’t call or email to let him know that I was engaged, I just didn’t go.  It was out of town and it would’ve taken away a whole weekend of my own planning for my wedding 6/6/09.  I sent a gift and my regrets and left it at that.  I’m not inviting him to my wedding so, no biggie.

Post # 13
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think if they made the cut intentionally and decided not to invite a family members’ fiance, that’s kind of rude in my book. Even if you aren’t close, it’s still proper. But then again, I’m kind of a stickler for that stuff, and that’s just me. I’d feel awful making someone (even someone i’m not close with) leave their significant other at home. It’s like saying your husband isn’t invited. It’d be one thing if he was just your boyfriend…..but your fiance? If you want to go and bring him, find out. If you don’t want to go without him, completely skip the whole thing! Is it possible she doesn’t know you are engaged? 

Post # 14
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I used to think surely people know what’s up but not anymore. 

Last summer my fiance (then boyfriend) received an invite to one of his really good friend’s wedding.  His name was the only one on the envelope and so I figured they were trying to keep things small and RSVPed for just him.  Turns out that they did want me to come and he got in "trouble" with everyone for leaving me at home. 

Also, just last week I got an invite to a hometown reception that was only addressed to me.  Normally I would expect that I’m the only one invited, but knowing the bride I’m pretty sure my fiance is invited as well.  It sucks, but I’m going to call her and clarify. 

I’d say have your mom call but stress that she do it nicely. 

Post # 15
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think rosychicklet’s answer!  It gives them an out if they really didn’t want him there. 

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