(Closed) Invited to a 5:30 pm wedding but no dinner will be served. Rude or OK?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it acceptable for a 5:30 PM wedding to not include dinner?
    Yes, it's fine. Weddings are expensive. : (59 votes)
    11 %
    No, that is terrible! Cheap! : (490 votes)
    89 %
  • Post # 151
    Member
    881 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2006

    raspberrybidet:  

    I would think that at least heavy appetizers should be served during a wedding at the time many people eat dinner. 

    Post # 152
    Member
    881 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2006

    cmbr:  

    +1 I can’t imagine having any kind of celebration without feeding my guests!

    Post # 153
    Member
    881 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2006

    courtneysokal:  

    I don’t like cash bars either but that doesn’t mean  that others can’t have them. 

    Post # 154
    Member
    881 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2006

    VictorianChick:  

    I don’t know why some Bees are acting like you killed a newborn just because you are having a cash bar. 

    Cash bars are not done in my family but I wouldn’t criticize anyone else for having one. It’s your wedding after all. Do whatever you want! 

    Post # 155
    Member
    881 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2006

    freckles071611:  

    I completely understand why you don’t like cash bars. I just can’t see why you are getting so angry and judgmental about a complete stranger’s wedding. Couples have the right to plan their weddings as they please. You don’t have the right to decide how other brides choose to host their guests. 

    Did you ever consider that cash bars may not be a problem in some areas or families? 

    Post # 156
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Eat before you go. If you can’t do that, just attend the ceremony and go home. This is not hard. Just because they can’t afford to feed 100 people a sit down dinner and open bar doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to have friends around to celebrate their union. Everyone can’t plunk down $20,000 for the honor of your presence. Go to support them! not to be fed. If you can’t stay home.

    Post # 157
    Member
    205 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

     

    loveisbrewing:  That’s so ridiculous it’s hilarious (and only because I didn’t have the pleasure of experiencing it). I don’t know what’s worse, being a “normal” guest and being forced to watch people eat cake while reluctantly paying my tab, or being in the wedding party and having people watch me stuff my face. That’s some uncomfortable, funny shit right there. 

    Post # 158
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee

    I think any time you organize some kind of social event over a traditional dinner time period, you need to let your guests know that a meal wouldn’t be served. Otherwise, I’m going to get super hungry and eat EVERYTHING. (And when there’s nothing to eat, I leave to go eat.) 

    As for this side bar conversation: I find it odd the idea that the reception is a thank you to guests for attending the ceremony. I always thought of the reception as the party/celebration and the ceremony as the official recognition of a union. I’m having a city hall wedding so only immediate family members will be invited. Everyone else is just invited to the reception to celebrate. 

    My understanding is that in some cultures, cash bars are the norm. My friend’s husband is Irish and apparently when they got married, their family thought the bar was a cash bar. When they heard it was an open bar, their minds were blown…for about a few seconds before they began to drink the hotel dry. (I heard that they kind of succeeded.) Meanwhile my friend and boyfriend were banned from the open bar a few drinks in so I ended up having to get drinks for them.

    Anyway cash bars to me aren’t a big deal. 

    Post # 160
    Member
    157 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    SoonAsYouCan:  OK this comment just proves to me that this is totally a cultural thing. It VERY MUCH depends on where you live. Anyone we asked about the protocol of it was like “well yeah, most people just do sandwiches and chips” and there is NO WAY anyone is buying a suit or dress to attend our wedding outside of the bridal party and maybe parents! That’s just unheard of. “Make sure your jeans are clean and wear a nice shirt” is pretty much the expectation around here. Of course the same goes for funerals, only with the word “black” included somewhere. Come to think of it, the food options are kinda the same too lol. Oh my. 

    Post # 161
    Member
    308 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    It’s amazing how people think it’s ok to tell people what type of wedding to have. Simply eat before you go to the wedding. There is no rocket science answer needed. 

    Post # 162
    Member
    575 posts
    Busy bee

    An invitation is not a summons. If you don’t think you’ll like the event, don’t go, but also don’t tell people how to get married.

    Post # 163
    Member
    7445 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    It’s amazing how tolerant people have become of bad manners if it’s done in the name of the almighty wedding. It doesn’t matter if it’s a wedding or a Saturday binge watch session of House of Cards or anything in between: if you invite people over during dinnertime , you need to feed them. Period. No “it’s my day, I can do what I want” and no “I deserve a big shindig even if I don’t have money to feed people” because the statements don’t change the basic fact that if your occasion prevents people from feeding themselves, you need to feed them. Anyone who says otherwise should be ashamed of themselves.

    For those who feel” heavy passed apps counts as dinner” , have you ever watched a crowd at a passed-apps-only event? The hungry people mob the waiters and people will even position their little conversation groups near the entry door so they can get first crack at the food as it comes by.  while you may be technically providing food, your guests will need to complete with one another for the waiter’s attention, so you better hope there’s no shy guests going hungry. Hunger Games indeed!

    Post # 164
    Member
    1325 posts
    Bumble bee

    freckles071611:  

    You should never pass the cost of anything regarding the party you decided to have onto your guests.”

    So… If I want my guests to wear clothes, travel to my wedding and arrange childcare, I should pay for all of those too right? Because they are costs they are incurring to attend my party.

    Those are things they HAVE to do, like eating is, but drinking alcohol is a choice in my opinion. I would 100% rather have free food and pay for alcohol, if I WANTED (not needed) alcoholic drinks. 

    Post # 165
    Member
    1325 posts
    Bumble bee

    waitingtobeemrs14:  

    Exactly. If I didn’t want to pay for drinks I wouldn’t buy any. If I decided I did want a drink I could just take $20 out of the gift I’d got them if I was really that bothered about the expense. 

    But then I’m in the UK. We are big girls here and can handle buying our own glass of wine. 🙂 

    writersblock:  

    I know, right! My husband and I used to take a shot of Jager every time our culture was called “tacky” on the bee. We looked forward to Cash Bar debates because we would always end up smashed. Sadly pregnant now, so I eat a Mini Egg instead… Freckles has helped me polish off almost a whole packet! 

    You know what’s fun? Tell people how “tacky” it is to make bridesmaids pay for a dress that YOU have chosen. Cultural differences are fun. 😀

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