(Closed) Invited to a 5:30 pm wedding but no dinner will be served. Rude or OK?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it acceptable for a 5:30 PM wedding to not include dinner?
    Yes, it's fine. Weddings are expensive. : (59 votes)
    11 %
    No, that is terrible! Cheap! : (490 votes)
    89 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    3331 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    View original reply
    acb123:  This is incorrect. The reception is the thank you to your guests for coming to the ceremony. Would you throw a dinner party and then not provide any food? As many people have stated, you don’t need to provide a full 5 course sit down meal.

    Post # 33
    Member
    9426 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    View original reply
    raspberrybidet:  yeah, well there’s obviously no plate to cover, so I’d just give a small gift to show them your goodwill towards their marriage (or don’t give anything, which is fine..).  I give friends gifts even when I’m not invited to their baby showers, just because I like babies and want to give them a little something to say congrats.. I’d do the same for a wedding whose ceremony I attend with no reception.. just a little something to say congrats.  Maybe a $25-$50 gift, depending how close you are to them and how well to do you are.

    Post # 34
    Member
    2942 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    As someone who needs to eat at certain times (my medication makes me sick if I don’t) I would probably have skipped.  Its one thing to do heavy passed apps that basically double as a meal, but if they are saying “No dinner served” I’m going to guess that at best their is going to be a sad meet and cheese tray in the corner. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2016 - Sassafraz in Toronto, Ontario

    I think it would be rude if there was no advanced warning, but it certainly is weird, even with the notice. 

    People are driving a few hours to my upcoming wedding, and we changed our original (unannonced) time so we could follow with a seated lunch. I wanted to do a “punch and cake” type event initially because I thought they were cute and I’m not huge into big receptions, but then I realized how cranky I’d be if I drove two hours to attend an event and then had to head to a drive through on my way home. 

    There are pretty cheap ways to feed a crowd! 

    Post # 36
    Member
    4672 posts
    Honey bee

    So they are not feeding guests anything but ”they have both a gift registry and a honeyfund”. WOW…just WOW

    Post # 37
    Member
    9426 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    View original reply
    raspberrybidet:  OP, what exactly did the invitation say?  Everyone here is making a lot of assumptions, but we don’t actually know…

    – if there will be a reception of any sort, or if its just the ceremony

    – if the invitation actually said something about no dinner, or your boyfriend heard it from the groom or some other friend, even.

    and you yourself said you don’t know if maybe it’ll be heavy h’ors douvres for a cocktail hour after which people can go find their own dinner, or how many people are from out of town (because if they’re all within a 30 minute drive, just a ceremony with no reception isn’t such a big deal, IMO).  

    Does their wedding website say any of this, perhaps? (Please don’t tell me the invitation said “no dinner.  bring gits.  here is the registry.”.. I’m really trying to hold out hope for this couple!)

    Post # 38
    Member
    2398 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    ehh we are getting married at 5:30 on a sunday and aren’t serving “dinner” we are doing heavy appitizers like wings, and sliders at food stations and having an open bar. 
    I don’t think people should have to have a wedding at an odd time or serve a sit down dinner. Not everyone has pockets that deep and it’s bullshit (in my opinion) to act like those people don’t deserve to have their wedding when they want. Now no food at all would be pushing it. I didn’t want do do a seating chart or come up with two options for people to eat. Our friends are picky eaters and we just aren’t that formal. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    532 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    scissorgirl:  that may be etiquette but personally I dont feel the need to be thanked. I feel honored enough to be invited to be part of their day. I’m not one for tradition though, so that may explain why my opinion is different to others!

    Post # 40
    Member
    3520 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    That is extremely rude. They should have had a brunch or lunch wedding! The venue and food would have been cheaper. I hope they at least serve appetizers.. That is so strange.

    Post # 41
    Member
    12808 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Who mentioned that there will be “no dinner will be provided to save costs” at this affair, your Boyfriend or Best Friend or his friend? Was that information on the invitation?

    As PPs have said, the etiquette rule is if the reception is held over the course of a regular meal time, you should provide that meal. Cake and punch are perfectly acceptable but not at dinner time.  It’s possible that there will be more than enough appetizers, buffet style to qualify as a dinner, but if the heads up came from the couple, I doubt it.

    Post # 42
    Member
    3331 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    View original reply
    acb123:  That’s great for you. But as this is an etiquette board, I thought proper etiquette respose was needed. 🙂

     

    View original reply
    raspberrybidet:  Please skip this. This has tacky/rude/etc () written all over it. OR attend, and report back heh.

    Post # 43
    Member
    132 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    I don’t think it’s rude, but it is tacky! I would still go as a wedding is about the union of 2 people, not getting fed/drunk on someone else’s dime. However, I would probably eat prior to the wedding and leave around 8/9pm to have dinner.

    I would also probably buy one of the lower priced items on their registry or give a less expensive gift lol.

    Post # 44
    Member
    5803 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I believe you should always consider your guests comfort. If you can’t – or won’t- put out the cost for feeding everyone supper, why have it smack dab in the middle of the supper hour? I would never turn up my nose at a simple affair of just cake and punch or coffee and sandwiches & I’m totally fine with potluck no matter the occasion, but this seems more like a couple being cheap than a couple trying to do their best on a shoestring budget. Are guests expected to be there for the evening? Mid afternoon would seem better suited to a no-meal affair.

    Post # 45
    Member
    530 posts
    Busy bee

    So our ceremony is set to begin at 6:30pm on a Friday – we are doing heavy apps, full open bar and a main carving station. So there is no plated dinner, but should be enough food to feed everyone the equivalent of a plated dinner. This is a traditional set up in Louisiana. You don’t mention where they are getting married. The no dinner served doesn’t mean there won’t be passed appetizers or other food so I’m not going to be quick to judge.

     

    HOWEVER, if there is no food whatsoever, while not necessarily rude, I find it is pretty tacky. 

    • This reply was modified 4 years ago by Profile Photo A11eycat.

    The topic ‘Invited to a 5:30 pm wedding but no dinner will be served. Rude or OK?’ is closed to new replies.

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