(Closed) Invited to a new friend's wedding

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wanna see the replies. I’m in a similar predictament where we are being invited to a wedding of some “friends” of ours (we see them maybe twice a year at community events, so friends is a loose term, but we do like them alot) and now i’m not sure if we are required to invite them to our wedding which is after theirs. We have a tight guest list. Fiance says no we dont need to invite them, but i feel like we do now. 

Post # 4
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would probably invite them. You already see them pretty regularly and plus your wedding is still months away, so you will continue to build your friendship with her.

Post # 5
Hostess
2635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ajean87:  I would say don’t feel obliged. Wedding invites do NOt have to be returned for another invite. If there is a problem with that then explain to her you have no room…

Post # 6
Hostess
2635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Swizzle:  i would give you the same advice and say invite who you want.

 

Inviting someone just because you are invited to theirs..is sorta elementary to me. Like when you didn’t invite every girl in the class because you parents put restrictions on numbers…then another girl invites everyone but you because “she wasn’t invited to yours”…sure it hurt then..(never happened to me, but it happenes) but we are adults and we should get over the feeling . 😉

Post # 7
Member
9198 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I’d say not to feel obligated to do a tit-for-tat thing. Each wedding is unique and it sounds like you don’t have room for the whole group. (And yes, if you’re all part of a group, I think it’d be weird to invite her but not the others.) Other brides should totally understand that.  Just go to hers, enjoy, and bring a generous present.

Post # 8
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I posted a similar question to yours and most Bees responded that there is no obligation to invite those that invited you. Numbers are numbers and you can’t go over your budget.

In my situation, we invited someone who came (and even costed us a seat bc her then-BF bailed at literally the last minute) and when it came to be her turn, we heard through the grapevine that she won’t be able to invite us because her parents/FILs/fiance have already added so many people that they are already over capacity.

That said, to our wedding, we invited a couple (that probably didn’t expect to be invited). Based on timing, I’m pretty sure we were added to their guest list because of that. We were very appreciative, although we didn’t end up attending theirs anyway bc it was a Destination Wedding.

Post # 9
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Why don’t you keep being friends with her, and see where you are when invitations go out? It’s not necessary to do Save the Dates, and if it ends up that you get one or two RSVPs back than you were thinking, just invite her with your B list and don’t tell her you sent anyone Save-The-Date Cards. It’s still so early, and a lot can happen to a new friendship in 8 months.

Post # 10
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You still have some time to decide if you want to invite her and her Fiance.  Don’t feel obligated, but if you two grow closer in the coming months, it might be nice.  And if she asks about Save-The-Date Cards, say that you only sent them to a few people and are still finalizing your final guest list.

Post # 11
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@ajean87:  i wouldnt feel obligated. we have had several friends invite us to weddings in the past 5 years that frankly we didnt care if we attended or not! our budget is small and even tho we wish we could “return the favor,” we just cant add anyone else. if you think she is someone in the group that you will be getting really close with, its something to consider, but otherwise i would just explain that you have a very tight guestlist so you wish you could return the honor (but you can’t). 

Post # 12
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@EffieTrinket:  +1

I think that is really good advice. You may end up getting no’s that would leave space for these new friends, you may end up becoming really good friends with them and then you would of course want to invite them, or you may end up sort of dropping off with them and then that answers the question for you. You have some time before you send out invites so I would just wait and see what happens. 

Post # 13
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with PPs, you definitely shouldn’t feel obligated. My mom cannot get it out of her head that because she was invited to certain weddings, she has to invite them to mine. There has to be a line drawn, and there are going to be people that you just cannot afford to invite. It is so nice of her to invite you to her wedding, but do not feel like you must invite her to yours. 

 @EffieTrinket:  I love the idea of waiting til invites go out, and skipping the friend on the STD list. Certainly not every person you invite will definitely make it. So maybe you’ll be able to fit her afterall!

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