Post # 1
Hive, I need some help! FI and I are invited to a wedding in a couple months. The couple are two people he used to work with, and I have met a few times at work events, and I think we’ve hung out outside of that maybe twice. Point being, I know them, but not well, at all.
Earlier this week I was invited to her wedding shower, which really surprised me. First, I won’t know anyone there except the bride. This is fine, as I am a social person, but still, it’s a little weird because I would definitely not consider her a close friend… Second, I checked out their registry and there are literally 7 things on the list – and everything is way over my budget!
So my question to you is, what kind of gift do I get for a couple I barely know, without having a registry to go off of? I would prefer not to give money, as that’s probably what we will need to do for the actual wedding, since we’ll probably be in the same boat?
Then, when my wedding comes around, do I return the “favor” and invite her to my shower, knowing that it would just be a gesture because she did the same to for me?
Post # 3
Maybe get her a giftard to the store where we is registered, in an amount you feel comfortable with.
Post # 4
Or, get her a very generic nice picture frame- something silver or glass that goes with everything. Newlyweds can always use one for a wedding pic.
A fun idea that I got as a gift at one shower was one place setting of red china. Red china, you say?
The idea is that you start a tradition that can be continued after they have children if they plan to.
Whenever one person is down and needs some positive attention, or when you want to celebrate someone’s accomplishments , or just say “I love you”, you use the red place setting at their place at the dinner table.
Post # 5
My favorite non-registry gift I got is actually one of my favorite gifts overall – it’s a silver 4×6 picture frame engraved with our wedding date. It’s from a relative who doesn’t use the internet and so didn’t ever look through our registry. I love this frame, and DH and I are still musing which of our wedding pictures to put in it. I don’t know how much it cost her, but she’s not one to spend extravagantly, but she has lovely taste, and this was a very welcome non-registry gift.
I also like the idea of a gift card, except that then you are necessarily revealing how much you spent.
Post # 6
@primcess: I saw an idea on Pinterest that I pinned for wedding showers (or engagement gifts). http://pinterest.com/pin/199847302185161242/ I’d post the actual link it pins to, but really it just pins to a picture and not a website.
I love this idea for situations such as what you described!
Post # 7
Philosophy (the bath and body company) has a really cute wedding body wash set. We got that for my cousin when she got married, and she loved it.
Do they drink? You could buy a nice bottle of pink champagne.
As far as inviting her to your shower, I think that’s up to you. If you’re only inviting like 10 people who are all super close family/friends then I wouldn’t… but if you’re inviting a bunch of acquaintances too, then why not? Who knows – you might get to know her better before your time comes.
Post # 8
I threw a bridal shower for a friend getting married. She gave me a list of every woman invited to her wedding. She didn’t know who to include, or who to leave out, and she didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. That said, she knew thatsome people she didn’t know very well would decline the invitation. She fully expected it, and was frankly relieved that she wouldn’t have to have a seriously awkward interaction with some women she barely knew at her bridal shower.
If you haven’t already politely declined the invitation, i would suggest doing so. It was probably just a courtesy invite.
Post # 9
If they don’t have a registry, I would veer away from getting them anything for the house, and particularly NOT anything decor-related (picture frames included!). You don’t know what style of home they have, therefore that silver picture frame could look out of place. I know it would in my home. And some people CRINGE at the thought of anything engraved (I’m one of those people, so that frame with the wedding date? That would go straight to Goodwill).
What about a gift card for a nice restaurant in your area? Married people like date nights too! 🙂 Or to a generic place like Macy’s or Crate & Barrel- everyone loves those stores, and that way they can just buy whatever they like.
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
There is no tit-for-tat with invitations; just like being someone else’s attendant doesn’t mean you have to ask them to be yours. So invite only the people you WANT at your shower, not the people you feel obligated to invite.
As for the gift, you could always go with something somewhat generic like a crystal vase (with a gift receipt) or a nice bottle of wine & a fancy opener. Or, keep an eye on the registry, she might have just started building it.
I received this at my shower form my FI’s aunt who I don’t know well– it’s never something I would pick out for myself, but it’s quite lovely now that I have it.
Post # 11
A gift card to the registry store isn’t a bad idea, that way you know they will definitely use it. It you don’t want to give something with a blatant monetary value, I say just get whatever you feel like and make sure there’s a gift receipt so that it’s no big deal if the gift doesn’t work out for her.
You definitely don’t have to return the favor and invite her to your shower. Chances are she’s not the host of her shower (she shouldn’t be) so for all you know, whoever is hosting just invited every woman on the wedding guest list.
Post # 12
Get a gift card but for something fun, like Sephora or Victorias Secret–that way the bride can get something for herself–she probably doesn’t have a huge registry because she doesn’t need a lot of kitcheny house things
Post # 13
Ditto to @Tangled‘s comment – I would RSVP “No” if possible.
Post # 14
I probably wouldn’t attend a shower of someone I wasn’t really friends with, nor would I feel obligated to send a gift. I guess some people just invite every female on their wedding guest list, but I think that’s always a bit awkward. As PP has mentioned, it could be she doesn’t even realize you’ve been invited since normally someone else hosts the shower.
Post # 15
It’s nice that she invited you — it seems clear that she’s trying to develop a friendship with you. I wouldn’t entertain any more cynical interpretations of her actions.
As for the gift: I agree that you shouldn’t get anything decor-related. Go with a gift certificate or a restaurant gift card.
You don’t have to invite her to your shower when the time comes, if you don’t want to.
Post # 16
I really like the idea of the red place setting! thats too cute! 🙂 but one gift we got that wasnt on our registry was a “honeymoon basket” it was in a really pretty basket (that was reusable) and had candles, champagne, toasting flutes, chocolate, etc.. it was really sweet and definately something everyone can use 🙂