(Closed) Invited to "after party" not ceremony…separate invites?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
1695 posts
Bumble bee

Good manners do not allow a hostess to invite people to “part” of an event. You do not have to invite everyone to everything. Inviting people to one affair does not require you to invite them to another. But if the guest lists are different, the events must be treated as separate, and you must make your arrangements in such a way that neither event impinges on the other. You do not want guests to see you rushing away from one party because you have another to attend whereat they are not welcome; nor do you want guests to arrive to see the empty plates and occupied chairs from a meal that they were not privileged to share.

Separate events mean separate invitations: a complete set of invitations for the forty-to-fifty people attending the wedding in the winery, and a complete set of invitations for the fifty-to-seventy people attending the reception.

Whether you have a tight budget or not; the most proper, formal, polite, traditional and kind way to issue invitations is by hand-writing them on heavy-weight white or ivory paper. You can buy appropriate paper for ten dollars for two hundred sheets, and envelopes for a little more. You can save a little on envelopes since, as @HappyTrails suggests, both invitations can go in the same envelope for the people who are invited to both events.


Post # 18
2890 posts
Sugar bee

@celicacutie:  You have to do two sets of invites. It’s a tradition that I believe is quite common in France to invite different people to different parts of the wedding, and we sometimes do it here too. My cousin did when she got married, not everyone was invited to the reception (only close family) and friends and coworkers were invited to join the party at 9pm for the dance. My Future Sister-In-Law did the same for her cousins. Aunts and uncles were invited to ceremony + dinner, but cousins were invited to join the dance later in the evening. Just make sure everybody knows when they’re requested to arrive. 🙂

Post # 20
9422 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would make a separate invition to those invited only to the party. Do not send a STD or link them to your wedding website. In many places it is considered rude to invite people to only part of the event, so I guess it depends on your area and your guests.

Also…are you not feeding your guests until the after party? I would make sure people are aware that there is no dinner. That’s a long time to go with no food, especially with an open bar.

Post # 21
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Everyone else has covered the invite question (I agree with making two different invites, those invited to the ceremony AND after party get an invite for each event, and those just invited to the after party get the after party invite). I just wanted to say that the after party sounds like great fun and I think it’ll be lovely. 

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