Thanks for all of the feedback, Ladies!
For those who said we should make a vacation of it, I’d almost agree except that Hubby & I really have no desire to spend the 4th of July in Vegas. It’ll be hot, crowded, expensive, etc. The only reason we’ll even possibly be there at this time of year is because it’s their wedding. If we cancel this week, we can likely reschedule our days off from work and truly enjoy a vacation somewhere we’d prefer to be in a few weeks.
I shared your responses with Hubby and he has agreed to contact the groom today and arrange for them to meet for a drink and discuss, without disclosing any details. He said he doesn’t feel that the groom will hold anything against us regardless of how it turns out, but that the bride will attempt to blame me/us if we do end up canceling, so he asked me to forward all of the emails & texts to him in case he has to go there with the groom.
For those who asked why I was planning their wedding… Honestly, I didn’t see it that way, but recognize how it must look. I’m more familiar with Vegas than the bride is (actually eloped there for my short-lived first marriage) and as previously mentioned, we’ve traveled there together before. So I was operating under the assumption that she just wanted to leverage my experience, familiarity, etc.
As far as planning, I actually don’t feel that I’ve planned anything. I simply sent her information regarding how to get their marriage license, chapel options, restaurant reviews, photographers, limos, and Groupons. I left everything up to her, aside from booking the hotel where we previously stayed.
Yes, it’s been stressful. Hubby & I tend to be planners and have wanted to purchase show tickets and make some plans of our own to kind of eke out a bit of vacation for ourselves, but we haven’t done so because Hubby said he thought this might happen & didn’t want us to be out any money. Of course, even if they pay us the money now & we still go, tickets are mostly sold out for the shows we wanted to see, because it’s the holiday weekend.
Hubby also mentioned that he thinks the bride wants everything to revolve around her for the entire trip & that might be why she hasn’t shared any details if she has booked anything — so we will spend all of our time with her/them.
To the person who suggested that they should be paying for everything except our travel expenses… interesting. I say that because when I eloped to Vegas several years ago, the ex & I paid for airfare for our Bridesmaid or Best Man & Maid/Matron of Honor from NYC & Boston respectively. We also paid for their hotel rooms, show tickets, and a $1000 meal at a fancy schmancy restaurant for the four of us after our wedding. When the bride asked about my elopement, I shared that info with her, but knew that they weren’t really in the position to do the same, hence the paying of our own travel expenses and our half of the lodging. Hubby asked me if I thought we should pay for their wedding night dinner as their wedding gift, but I told him that IMO that’s the one thing they should definitely pay for for us as guests don’t usually pay outright for their dinner. Funny enough, the last thing she mentioned regarding the dinner was that she “doesn’t want to eat dinner and get too fulll to party, so maybe just have some cocktails & apps after and then head out to bars to party.”
She also mentioned that she wants a “bachelorette party” at a strip club with bottle service, lap dances, etc. I waited a few days & told her I’m not able to do that as I feel it would be disrespectful to my husband & even when single, I simply wasn’t a strip club kind of lady. Also, I reminded her that I am but one bridesmaid and after travel expenses and lodging, I’m all for springing for a mani/pedi or something like that, but not lap dances, bottles, and tips. Ironically, Hubby asked the groom what he would like to do for his bachelor’s night (the bride just announced her expectations to me, I didn’t inquire) & wants to eat steaks, sip whiskey & enjoy a cigar. He told Hubby “I realize you’re already married & know you don’t want strippers grinding on you & disrespecting your wife. Let’s just chill & reminisce on our good times as we prepare for more.” Again, interesting.
ETA: I most certainly will update you all once Hubby has spoken with the groom!