Invited to bachelorette party but not invited to the wedding?

posted 2 weeks ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
25 posts
Newbee

Yeah, that’s not okay. 

I think we all have friends who fall into that category (once close, still friends, meet-ups would be fun, schedules/geography prevent them from happening), and unless you’re having a larger wedding, it’d be pretty damn near impossible to invite them all. In my opinion, it’d be understandable if you weren’t invited. That being said, you never invite people who aren’t invited to the wedding (the reason for all of the festivities) to the pre-wedding events. I’d politely decline, as long as you’re sure a wedding invite isn’t coming your way (maybe the friend who texted you didn’t know you weren’t invited to the wedding? Or perhaps she knows you’re actually on the guest list?)

Post # 4
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

You could be on the B list, and they are waiting for all the first round of RSVP’s to come in? I just received an invitation to a friend’s wedding 2 weeks before the wedding itself. 

Post # 5
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee

When in March is the wedding? Because if it’s mid-to-late March then this is the normal time for invitations to go out. Invitations generally go out 6 to 8 weeks in advance.  Even early March isn’t unheard of. So are you absolutely certain you aren’t invited? Are you absolutely certain she has mailed out invitations already and or your invitation didn’t get lost in the mail?

First I would start with a question – do you want to attend this party? Setting all other factors aside, do you want to attend this party? If no, no further action necessary other than politely declining the invitation.

If yes, then weigh the scenarios in which you would feel comfortable attending. Worst case scenario, she’s rude as f***. A slightly less worse case scenario is that she’s one of those that feels like everyone wants to be included and celebrate her wedding even if they’re not invited to the wedding and she’s throwing this to you as a consolation prize. And even slightly less worse case scenario is that you are B listed. If none of these scenarios are okay with you then politely decline.

Post # 8
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

Are you sure you aren’t invited to the wedding?  Invitations are sent 6 – 8 weeks prior.  You are just now in that timeframe.  

Post # 10
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

Yeah, I agree that is super awkward.  I honestly can’t think of a way to find it out if you are invited without it coming across as though you are fishing for an invitation.  I think I would decline in this case, you two aren’t as close due to a variety of factors and I am not sure I would want to be at an event where everyone was invited to the big day except me.

Post # 12
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

nugwife :  When I sent invites out for a graduation party two years ago, I found all the addresses online using the whitepages.  I didn’t contact anyone to get their address.  I didn’t have any returned.  They all made it to their recipients.  

 Do you know the organizer of the party?  If not, I would assume that the bride made the list of who to invite and included you.  

Post # 13
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Ugh, don’t make up a story about being overseas. Just tell them you’re sorry but you won’t be able to attend and you hope they have a good time.

Post # 15
Member
497 posts
Helper bee

You can simply say you’re unavailable. It’s fine to decline without offering a reason, unless you’re super close and know for sure you’re invited to the wedding. 

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