Post # 1
My fiance and i are dead set on having our reception at a beautiful little restaurant that we both adore, however that will limit the seating to just 65. That’s alright for us since we’re planning a small wedding anyway, but we know that some of our family will want some extra friends of theirs to attend the ceremony. I know the etiquette is to invite those from the ceremony to the reception, but is it okay for these few people to be invited to the ceremony, cocktail reception (which will have food, music and drinks to make them feel welcome, happy and more a part of the big day than just show up, watch & leave) but then not the tiny, intimate close friends & family inly reception?
yes, i know there will be a lot of people in the comments who hard-line “ceremony intite MUST equal reception invite!”,but considering these guests would get a lengthy cocktail reception in the gorgeous park with drinks, food and music, would it be that much of a snub to these people who are only really friends of our family and not ours?
Post # 2
It would be considered a snub in the USA and Canada. If you are from the UK it is more common to have tiered invitations, where guests are invited to various parts of the day.
If these people aren’t even friends or relatives of yours, it is highly unlikely that their lives will be affected negatively by not being invited to your wedding.
Post # 3
I don’t know if I would do that…. If it’s just friends of other family members why are they there if they were not on the guest list to be there for everything I would say no… With it being your big day you don’t have time for someone thinking ohh it’s just one extra person at the reception they won’t realize it.
Post # 4
How are you planning on kicking them out when you want the “reception” to begin?
Post # 5
I would talk to your family members whom these people are friends with, their opinion matters a lot more than some strangers on the internet!
I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to invite some people just to the ceremony and refreshments/cocktails, I know there are people in the U.S. who do that with the congregation of their church or something. But every local culture is different.
Personally, if I was invited to the wedding ceremony and cocktail hour of a close friend’s family member (whom I had met at least a couple times?), I would be appreciative of and not offended by the gesture, and whether I would attend would be based on how convenient it was and whether I thought I’d want or need to do something else at that time on that day.
Post # 6
the reception is in a different venue altogether. The ceremony and cocktails are in a park.
Post # 7
Just don’t formally invite them, since they’re not really your guests but friends of guests like you said. Put on the real guests invite that they can bring others to the ceremony/cocktail only (putting it on their shoulders then). Or just don’t allow it at all.
Post # 8
If the people who are not invited to the real reception don’t know it, then it might be okay, but I’d feel snubbed if I wasn’t invited and found out about it.
Post # 9
Honestly I think it’s even worse if it’s just a few people who know they’re on the B list.
But what if it was a cocktail and heavy app reception in the park. Wedding is over, then a private dinner for the nearest and dearest. I think itd be rude to be invited to the cocktail hour but not reception. But if it was an afternoon wedding with a cocktail reception, I wouldn’t need to know about the family’s dinner plans for later that evening. If you time it like a traditional wedding and just say see ya to the b list, that’s rude.
If you don’t want to break it up like that, then I would just skip on inviting any bonus people.
Post # 10
Not only is this offensive, but to me this looks very cheap and I would greatly lower the amount of wedding gift money I give to the couple. If it’s a cocktail party then there’s just finger food, right? Ok honestly your park idea sounds cute if you have a bunch of guests with children you can’t afford to feed at a real reception– but as a young adult I go to weddings to party the night away and eat good food, so overall I think I would just decline your invite.
Post # 11
I personally would say no plus ones, the reception space won’t allow it. I would be offended if I had to leave but hey what one does not know won’t hurt them. If people are bringing their friends won’t they know about the dinner later? I’d just be strict about the invites and say by invite only. I wouldn’t do it. Just explain the situation to your guest that are invited. If they feel the need to bring there friends let them tell them. I think it would be rude on your part to say they can’t go. Good luck hopefully it all works out.
Post # 12
I am taken aback by members of your family inviting some friends of theirs to the ceremony. That is a big no-no where I live. Inviting your friends to someone’s wedding, they don’t even know?
Post # 13
I don’t know that it’s inherently wrong but I have NO idea how you’d pull this off. You’d have to explicitly tell them they’re not invited to the reception, or else I could see everyone leaving from cocktails and these guests going “oh hey where is everyone going” and then it just takes one person to say “oh to the reception!” and then these people just tag along and BOOM over-capacity. Just dont invite them at all imo
Post # 14
If you’re in the US, this is not acceptable. Even if you try to keep it secret, word will get out and people will rightfully be offended.
Post # 15
Who are these friends of your family? Like your mom’s best frineds that she just has to have there? In that case I think it’s fine what you’re considering! If they are just random friends, is leave them out of the whole thing.