Post # 1
Member
3245 posts
Sugar bee
Hi Bees!
Numerous times in the past few years, I have been invited (verbally) only to the dancing after someone’s wedding. Not to the ceremony, not to the reception– just to the dancing. This seems kind of rude, but the thing is, a lot of the people I know are social dancers (contra dancing) and have had to watch their budget. If you’re having a contra dance after your wedding, the more experienced dancers, the better. . . but still. I wasn’t super close to any of them– one was my former boss (I was her only employee, but she would introduce me in social situations as a “friend”), one was a new friend who did a VERY budget wedding, and one was a friend from early childhood who I’ve casually kept up with, but am not close to. And I feel like there was one more, which I’m forgetting.
My question is, is this rude? If this happened to you, would you refuse to go/feel insulted? I don’t think I’d want to do this to anyone I know in my (hypothetical) wedding, just because I do find it slightly insulting (though I was appreciative of the circumstances in each case, and also liked having the opportunity to dance and celebrate the peoples’ weddings with them at all).
Thanks!
Post # 3
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee
In some countries, being invited to only the dance portion is commong, but In the US, it’s very rude. Either the guest is good enough to attend the whole wedding or not – there is no inbetween. It also appears very gift-grabby.
Post # 4
Member
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
So rude that I would literally look at the invitation, drive to a liquor store, buy gin, vermouth, ice, olives, shaker and a straight up glass, then drive to the residence of the person that so graciously invited me to dance at their wedding, make myself a martini, walk up to their door, ring the doorbell, take a sip when the answered it and then throw the remainder of my drink in their face.
THAT is how rude that is.
Post # 5
Member
6255 posts
Bee Keeper
I think it’s rude. If they are inviting you to put on a show, you should be contracted and compensated.
Post # 6
Member
3245 posts
Sugar bee
@Nona99: Oh, my! But in these cases, I’ve never gotten a formal invitation– just a verbal or Facebook one.
I guess it is pretty damn rude. . . ugh, I wish I’d never gone to some of them. Why do people not realize that things like this aren’t OK???
Post # 7
Member
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
@Creiddylad: In the incident of a verbal or FB invite, which is even WORSE, you then go up to the person, spit in your hand and then slap their face!
Post # 8
Member
5009 posts
Bee Keeper
Are either of the couple British? Inviting some guests just to the dancing is totally normal here.
Post # 9
Member
10450 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Hmmm I’m gonna go the opposite way and say it’s not a big deal. I mean yah it’s too bad you don’t get to attend the dinner, but they want you there for the party which is quite honestly my favorite part. Not to sound like a jerk, but I could usually care less about a long boring ceremony – I just get through that to get to the celebration afterwards. And I’ve never been blown away by wedding food either. But the evening part is so much fun!
Post # 11
Member
3245 posts
Sugar bee
@SpecialSundae: Nope. None of the various couples who have done this to me are even faintly British.
Post # 12
Member
5540 posts
Bee Keeper
I think this is kind of a social circles thing. Some people would find this okay and exspected but some would be seriously insulted. I think it depends on what your social circle exspects as normal.
Post # 13
Member
4045 posts
Honey bee
@SpecialSundae: I was going to say this too. I went to an English wedding with my SO, and I was only invited to the dancing, but that seemed totally normal and there were several of us who arrived then after the dinner.
Then again, I was more of a +1. I didn’t know the bride or groom. My SO was invited to the full ceremony and reception. +1s were invited to dancing afterward.
ETA: I saw you post that they were not British. A bit rude then, yes. Seems half-assed on their part.
Post # 14
Member
5422 posts
Bee Keeper
I think its rude if its the same venue. Like people are clearing plates off the table while you show up. otherwise it’s not awful.
Post # 15
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
yeah i wouldnt go. if im not important enough for an actual invite i have no interest. esp since its normally a cash bar and no food (even nibbles) and id feel obliged to buy a gift. its easier to go to a bar, buy my drinks there and invite people i actually want to hang out with!
Post # 16
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
Oh wow totally rude. I’d probably just laugh and not go.