Post # 1
Is it rude to invite someone (your age, in your circle of friends, invited to the wedding) to the shower and not the bachelorette party?
I just found out one of my friends who is getting married in a few months already had her bachelorette party which I was not invited to. I am going to the shower next week and I”m invited to the wedding. She was invited to my bachelorette party and declined due to a prior commitment.
I understand that the bachelorette party might be a small crowd (I have no idea what the actual situation was), but then shouldn’t I not be invited to the shower also? I actually would not have been offended if I wasn’t invited to EITHER, but since I was only invited to the one where I have to buy a gift and not the night of fun I sort of feel like it’s a gift-grab.
Post # 3
I hear you, but I think for some people the bachelorette party is for the inner circle only, so I wouldn’t feel bad. Inviting you to the shower is no more of a gift-grab than it is for everyone else…. 🙂
Post # 4
I think that this is often how it’s done, at least in my experience. Showers are a much larger gathering with friends, family, etc. Many bachelorette parties (though not all, of course) include only the wedding party and very few other guests.
I know that if I invited every friend who will be invited to my shower and wedding, my bachelorette party would be HUGE and totally unfeasible.
I personally have been in the situation a couple of times. To me, it was perfectly logical and I didn’t feel like I was being used for a gift only. However, I realize that’s not how you’re viewing this, and I’m sorry your feelings are hurt.
Post # 5
My friends have had more than 1 bachelorette party – thrown by different sets of friends. One set of friends are close, while another would be her work friends. But regardless, the bride isn’t supposed to be in charge of that – the Maid/Matron of Honor is. Perhaps her Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t invite everyone, did things last minute, or had a very small budget?
I was Maid/Matron of Honor at my best friend’s wedding and she didn’t know a thing, aside from when and what city (Vegas) but all the other details were a surprise to her. We also had a hard time tracking down everyone she knew: there were childhood friends, college friends, her sorority sisters, and a lot of them were from out of town/state. In the end, we decided to keep the party small.
Don’t feel bad because she probably didn’t organize it. Where I’m from, it’s supposed to be a surprise!
Post # 6
@stillme: and @Gemstone:, you both have very good points that I agree with, but I guess I feel slighted because we are in the same circle of friends, hang out quite often and I invited HER to MY bachelorette party because of that. So I sort of feel like she should return the favor. And I know you might think “Well maybe she doesn’t like you” I promise that’s not the case. We get along really well and we’ve been communicating about her wedding (her asking me advice, etc.) so it was sort of a hard blow to hear the bach party already took place and I wasn’t even invited.
Post # 7
a lot of times, the bachelorette party is only for the bridal party members.
Post # 8
@Vitsippa: THe Maid/Matron of Honor definitely knew I should have been invited since she is the one who included my name and followed up with me for the shower.
Post # 9
every bachelorette party i’ve been to has been bridesmaids only, and i’ve gone to showers without being invited to the bach party. although i understand how you might feel slighted, especially since you invited her to yours, i wouldn’t jump to conclusions, she probably just kept it small and limited to the bridal party.
Post # 10
@Mrs. Alias: You’re right. Being in the same circle of friends makes it a lot tougher. I’m really sorry this happened to you.
Post # 11
Its rude if you are really good friends and you do things together all of the time. I’ve only been to one big bachleorette party and that was probably because they needed more people to help pay for the limo. I would not feel bad, it would be worse to be invited to the bachlorette party and not the wedding.
Post # 12
Yeah, I have to agree that often, the b’ette party is for really close friends. These days, it’s more and more common to only invite family and friends you’re really close with, making it a more intimate celebration.
I would try to put it behind you, and happily attend the wedding knowing this friend wanted you there to celebrate with her.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
I don’t think a shower invite equates a bach invite at all. I see that you’re good friends, but you’re not in the bridal party — they’ve probably limited it to just bridesmaids. Maybe I’d start to feel hurt if non-bridesmaids were coming, but we don’t know that.
Post # 14
I guess it really depends on the bachelorette party itself. It could of been an intimate crowd. I would definitely be offended at first, but I think you should find out the circumstances. I know that I went to a bachelorette party for a friend of mine that she only wanted a few people to attend. We were all friends in college, we all knew each other and had travelled together before. The other girls were still invited to the shower though.
Post # 15
@cincity75:Well we aren’t exactly really good friends, just in the same circle and very friendly. LIke we dont’ hang out every weekend if that makes sense. And you are right, I wouldn’t want to be invited just to make it a bigger party and help pay for things, obviously only if she wanted me there.
@Miss Chapstick:I totally agree with you, but the only thing that irks me is the fact that I was invited to the shower and wedding, the two events you have to buy a gift for but not the bachelorette party which is the fun night out. I don’t really consider it an ‘honor’ to be invited to a shower, although I am glad to be included as I want to help her celebrate. I will be a good guest at her shower and wedding and I will definitely put it behind me, but I still think it is rude in general that this happened.
Post # 16
I understand that you are close friends, but sometimes the bachelorette party is only for the bridesmaids. I was recently in a wedding where ONLY the bridal party was invited, so other close friends who were invited to the shower and wedding were not included in the bachelorette party. That’s just want the bride told the Maid/Matron of Honor she wanted. Like @ribbons: said, we don’t know if other girls outside of the bridal party were invited, so it’s hard to tell if you should really be upset about this.